Limericks. (New)

The landlord started to grin
He shouted, "Get yer last orders in!
I said “ang on a mo!”
It’s my round ya know
We’ll all have a very large gin.

There was a donkey on the beach

There was a donkey on the beach
Who let out a terrible screech

There was a donkey on the beach
Who let out a terrible screech
Someone trod on his hoof

There was a donkey on the beach
Who let out a terrible screech
Someone trod on his hoof
My dog gave a woof

There was a donkey on the beach
Who let out a terrible screech
Someone trod on his hoof
My dog gave a woof
And the donkey ran out of reach.

The sky turned black, the rain poured down.

The sky turned black, the rain poured down.
I put up my brolly and headed into town

The sky turned black, the rain poured down.
I put up my brolly and headed into town
The brolly leaked and in poured the rain

The sky turned black, the rain poured down.
I put up my brolly and headed into town
The brolly leaked and in poured the rain
I’d have stayed at home if I had half a brain

The sky turned black, the rain poured down.
I put up my brolly and headed into town
The brolly leaked and in poured the rain
I’d have stayed at home if I had half a brain
I’m going home, before I drown!

There was an old butchers in York

There was an old butchers in York
A favourite place to get pork.

There was an old butchers in York
A favourite place to get pork
Or a kilo of mince

There was an old Butcher’s in York
A favourite place to get pork
Or a kilo of mince
From the chappie called Vince

There was an old Butcher’s in York
A favourite place to get pork
Or a kilo of mince
From the chappie called Vince
He gives you the meat with a fork

I’m coming to see you right now

I’m coming to see you right now
I’ve a problem with the old cow

I’m coming to see you right now
I’ve a problem with the old cow
It’s got a small leak

I’m coming to see you right now
I’ve a problem with the old cow
It’s got a small leak
It looks like a freak

I’m coming to see you right now
I’ve got a problem with the old cow
It’s got a small leak
It looks like a freak
I did it but I don’t know how.

While in the woods early today

While in the woods early today
I saw a fox eating it’s prey

While in the woods early today
I saw a fox eating it’s prey
An unpleasant sight