A gardener coming today
To take all the deadwood away
A gardener coming today
To take all the deadwood away
He’s giving me a price
A gardener coming today
To take all the deadwood away
He’s giving me a price
To make it look nice
A gardener coming today
To take all the deadwood away
He’s giving me a price
To make it look nice
He starting a week on Tuesday
Weather stayed nice for once
Weather stayed nice for once
Can’t rhyme this cos I’m a dunce!
Weather stayed nice for once
Can’t rhyme this cos I’m a dunce!
I don’t believe that
Weather stayed nice for once
Can’t rhyme that cos I’m a dunce!
I don’t believe that
Ok, I’m a prat
Weather stayed nice for once
Can’t rhyme that cos I’m a dunce!
I don’t believe that
Ok, I’m a prat
And I vill say zat only Vunce 
There was a young maid from Brazil
There was a young maid from Brazil
Who forgot to keep taking the pill
There was a young maid from Brazil
Who forgot to keep taking the pill
She got pregnant one day
There was a young maid from Brazil
Who forgot to keep taking the pill
She got pregnant one day
Cos with a man she did lay
There was a young maid from Brazil
Who forgot to keep taking the pill
She got pregnant one day
Cos with a man she did lay
And to this day she lays with him still.
There’s one thing I just have to say
There’s one thing I just have to say
While I lie here dozing in the hay
There’s one thing I just have to say
While I lie here dozing in the hay
Now isn’t life grand
There’s one thing I just have to say
While I lie here dozing in the hay
Now isn’t life grand
If you’re holding the hand
There’s one thing I just have to say
While I lie here dozing in the hay
Now isn’t life grand
If you’re holding the hand
Of a friend while the wife is away. 
A friend of mine lent me a pound
A friend of mine lent a pound
To someone he found on the ground
A friend of mine lent me a pound
One he had found on the ground
It was a bit bit old