On Tuesdays my rubbish is collected
Some tipped in the road as expected
There’ll be splinters of glass
The usual utter farce
Always the same and now widely accepted.
Oops, I must make a dash to the loo
What a mess! Have you all been at the Sherry? 
There were three different endings to that last one!
I shall continue as best I can . .
As I sat on my stool at the pub
I perused the menu for grub
I decided on Steak
As I sat on my stool at the pub
I perused the menu for grub
I decided on Steak
And for dessert a cream cake
As I sat on my stool at the pub
I perused the menu for grub
I decided on Steak
And for dessert a cream cake
Accompanied by an ice cream tub.
This time maybe …
Oops, I must make a dash to the loo
Oops, I must make a dash to the loo
Dont start without me, I’ll make do
Oops, I must make a dash to the loo
Dont start without me, I’ll make do
Shouldn’t have eaten that curry
Oops, I must make a dash to the loo
Dont start without me, I’ll make do
Shouldn’t have eaten that curry
That’s why I’m in a hurry
Oops, I must make a dash to the loo
Dont start without me, I’ll make do
Shouldn’t have eaten that curry
That’s why I’m in a hurry
You too? Why what a to do!
Next time I may try fish and chips
Next time I may try fish and chips
Nice in the mouth, heavy on the hips!
Next time I may try fish and chips
Nice in the mouth, heavy on the hips!
With some nice mushy peas
Next time I may try fish and chips
Nice in the mouth, heavy on the hips!
With some nice mushy peas
Add tiramisu with tea
Next time I may try fish and chips
Nice in the mouth, heavy on the hips!
With some nice mushy peas
And tiramisu with tea
Hot tea so take tiny sips.
It’s mid week Wednesday today
It’s mid week Wednesday today
Be good and try not to stray 
It’s mid week Wednesday today
Be good and try not to stray
Keep your nose to the ground
It’s mid week Wednesday today
Be good and try not to stray
Keep your nose to the ground
Be kind to those you’re around
It’s mid week Wednesday today
Be good and try not to stray
Keep your nose to the ground
Be kind to those you’re around
And if we go for a beer I will pay.
Ten of you coming? My word!
I didn’t think that many heard
Oh well, pay up and look big
And care not a fig
But i’m not gonna feed that Blonde Bird!
Oh dear, I did the whole rhyme
Oh dear, I did the whole rhyme
Okay, but let that be the last time!