A friendly old elf called Dan
Declared his true love for a man
They had been friends for years
Through laughter and tears
A friendly old elf called Dan
Declared his true love for a man
They had been friends for years
Through laughter and tears
Which helps when things don’t go to plan
A man from Dundee bought a car
A man from Dundee bought a car
And also a deep fried Mars bar
A man from Dundee bought a car
And also a deep fried Mars bar
He’d won the Lottery you see
A man from Dundee bought a car
And also a deep fried Mars bar
He’d won the Lottery you see
So was on a spree
A man from Dundee bought a car
And also a deep fried Mars bar
He’d won the Lottery you see
So was on a spree
Next purchase is a shed near Dunbar !
Something woke me up last night
Something woke me up last night
What was it, some kind of fright?
Something woke me up last night
What was it, some kind of fright?
Or a mouse with a torch?
Something woke me up last night
What was it, some kind of fright?
Or a mouse with a torch
Somewhere out on the porch
Something woke me up last night
What was it, some kind of fright?
Or a mouse with a torch
Somewhere out on the porch
No I needed to go for a sh… er poo. 
Now, what can I have for me tea?
Now what can I have for me tea ?
One or two cakes, maybe three
Now what can I have for my tea?
One or two cakes, maybe three
But must watch my weight
Now what can I have for me tea?
One or two cakes, maybe three
But must watch my weight
Else I’ll get wedged in the gate
Now what can I have for my tea?
One or two cakes, maybe three
But must watch my weight
Else i’ll get wedged in the gate
Or i’ll sink went I go in the sea.
Can anyone please tell me why
Can anyone please tell me why
We can flap our arms, yet not fly
Can anyone please tell me why
We can flap our arms, yet not fly
Could it be we’re too heavy?
Can anyone tell me why
We can flap our arms, yet not fly
Could it be we’re too heavy?
Or that we’ve had a bevvy?