If I could go back in time
Ooh you’re a bad lot, you are. 
If I could go back in time
To when I was in me prime
If I could go back in time
To when I was in me prime
I’d climb trees and play conkers
If I could go back in time
To when I was in me prime
I’d climb trees and play conkers
And act like I’m bonkers
If I could go back in time
To when I was in me prime
I’d climb trees and play conkers
And act like I’m bonkers
And sing cheeky songs that rhyme
Bessie was a woman of means
Bessie was a woman of means
But didn’t have the man of her dreams
Bessie was a woman of means
But didn’t have the man of her dreams
So she paid out some cash
Bessie was a woman of means
But didn’t have the man of her dreams
So she paid out some cash
Went to the pool for a splash
Bessie was a woman of means
But didn’t have the man of her dreams
So she paid out some cash
Went to the pool for a splash
And stripped off without any screens.
My word how the lifeguard did stare
My word how the lifeguard did stare
As Bessie’s physique was laid bare
My word how the lifeguard did stare
As Bessie’s physique was laid bare
Her smooth silky skin
My word how the lifeguard did stare
As Bessie’s physique was laid bare
Her smooth silky skin
made the lifeguard fall in
My word how the lifeguard did stare
As Bessie’s physique was laid bare
Her smooth silky skin
made the lifeguard fall in
But he grinned and didn’t seem to care.
Then Bessie dived in the pool
Then Bessie dived in the pool
Which she never did as a rule
Then Bessie dived in the pool
Which she never did as a rule
But her swim cap slipped off
Then Bessie dived in the pool
Which she never did as a rule
But her swim cap slipped off
As she had a big cough
Then Bessie dived in the pool
Which she never did as a rule
But her swim cap slipped off
As she had a big cough
And at the same time passed a big stool
As the jobbie floated away
As the jobbie floated away
In the shallow end a priest knelt to pray