He followed it up with a kiss
But soon realised something was amiss
As she pursed her lips
He noticed her nose had drips
He followed it up with a kiss
But soon realised something was amiss
As she pursed her lips
He noticed her nose had drips
And her left breast went down with a hiss. 
It was going to be a good thing
It was going to be a good thing
He thought, if he bought her a ring
It was going to be a good thing
He thought, if he bought her a ring
She’d end her nightly cruisin’
It was going to be a good thing
He thought, if he bought her a ring
She’d end her nightly cruisin’
And stop her daily boozin’
It was going to be a good thing
He thought, if he bought her a ring
She’d end her nightly cruisin’
And stop her daily boozin’
But it just wasnt happening
He had to devise another plan
He had to devise another plan
But he also had feelings for Anne
He had to devise another plan
But he also had feelings for Anne
His plan went astray
He had to devise another plan
But he also had feelings for Anne
His plan went astray
When he clapped eyes on Faye
He had to devise another plan
But he also had feelings for Anne
His plan went astray
When he clapped eyes on Faye
Then thought I quite like my mate Dan
I really must get some new shoes
I really must get some new shoes,
'Cos going bare foot ain’t good news.
I really must get some new shoes,
'Cos going bare foot ain’t good news.
A pair stylish yet comfy
I really must get some new shoes,
'Cos going bare foot ain’t good news.
A pair stylish yet comfy,
By Hotter or Humphrey
I really must get some new shoes,
'Cos going bare foot ain’t good news.
A pair stylish yet comfy,
By Hotter or Humphrey
Now there’s one that get good reviews.
Nothing but trouble this morning I see
Nothing but trouble this morning I see
With reports of problems in the country.*
Nothing but trouble this morning I see
With reports of problems in the country
But worry ye not
Nothing but trouble this morning I see
With reports of problems in the country
But worry ye not
Be glad of what you’ve got
Nothing but trouble this morning I see
With reports of problems in the country
But worry ye not
Be glad of what you’ve got
Then you’ll be as happy as me. 
Today I had a coffee with Fred
Today I had a coffee with Fred
His aunt had dropped down dead
Today I had a coffee with Fred
His aunt had dropped down dead
With an attack of the heart