I bought a new duvet today
The previous one had started to fray
Kapok or down?
He asked with a frown
“Down will tickle my nose,” I say
While making my pie I had small tip
Did you mean to say that Righty, can’t quite make it out - sorry? 
Yes, a tip is a hint or a helpful suggestion. 
While making my pie I had small tip
Add some bacon, just a small strip
While making my pie I had small tip
Add some bacon, just a small strip
Remember to taste before adding some salt
While making my pie I had small tip
Add some bacon, just a small strip
Remember to taste before adding some salt
Cos if it goes wrong, it’ll be my fault
While making my pie I had small tip
Add some bacon, just a small strip
Remember to taste before adding some salt
Cos if it goes wrong, it’ll be my fault
Open cooking sherry, take a large sip
A bookmaker gave lousy odds
A bookmaker gave lousy odds
But some ignored it, silly sods
They came away with a win
A bookmaker gave lousy odds
But some ignored it, silly sods
They came away with a win
Small totals, then dropped their chin
A bookmaker gave lousy odds
But some ignored it, silly sods
They came away with a win
Small totals, then dropped their chin
To count their money in wads.
There was a creepy film on the telly
There was a creepy film on telly
That made me feel sick to my belly
There was a creepy film on telly
That made me feel sick to my belly
What was it about?
There was a creepy film on telly
That made me feel sick to my belly
What was it about?
A three-headed lout
There was a creepy film on telly
That made me feel sick to my belly
What was it about?
A three-headed lout
Whose armpits were rather smelly
The lout slunk off for a shower
The lout slunk off for a shower
And vanished for over an hour
The lout slunk off for a shower
And vanished for over an hour
He ran out of soap
The lout slunk off for a shower
And vanished for over an hour
He ran out of soap
The type on a rope
The lout slunk off for a shower
And vanished for over an hour
He ran out of soap
The type on a rope
When he’d been in there over an hour.
Then his girlfriend came round to see