When Fred went to feed his hens
He lost one of his contact lens
so he fumbled around
But instead he found
pig poo-he was in the pig pens!
It’s a chuckle to see schoolday mums
It’s a chuckle to see schoolday mums
With their tattoos and low-slung bums
It’s a chuckle to see schoolday mums
With their tattoos and low-slung bums
With their mobiles in their hands
It’s a chuckle to see schoolday mums
With their tattoos and low-slung bums
With their mobiles in their hands
And their Primark brands
It’s a chuckle to see schoolday mums
With their tattoos and low-slung bums
With their mobiles in their hands
And their Primark brands
On which they spend their disposable incomes.
Oh I do enjoy a Sunday roast
Oh i do enjoy a Sunday roast
I know how to cook i must boast
Oh i do enjoy a Sunday roast
I know how to cook i must boast
With Yorkshire’s I trust?
Oh I do enjoy a Sunday roast
I know how to cook I must boast
With Yorkshire’s I trust?
Ooh that is a must
Oh i do enjoy a Sunday roast
I know how to cook i must boast
With Yorkshire’s i trust?
Ooh that is a must
For sure! and i even cook toast!
Stan was a very tall man
Stan was a very tall man
Who lived in the town of Oban
Stan was a very tall man
Who lived in the town of Oban
Till one Sunday night
Stan was a very tall man
Who lived in the town of Oban
Till one Sunday night
He got a big fright
Stan was a very tall man
Who lived in the town of Oban
Till one Sunday night
He got a big fright
When he was grabbed and kissed by Stan! 
I stood and was watching the sea
I stood and was watching the sea
When i suddenly needed a wee
I stood and was watching the sea
When i suddenly needed a wee
Along came a big wave
I stood and was watching the sea
When i suddenly needed a wee
Along came a big wave
I thought “This is no time to behave!”
I stood and was watching the sea
When I suddenly needed a wee
Along came a big wave
I thought “this is no time to behave”
As it knocked me down on my knees.
One day while pulling up weeds
I stood and was watching the sea
When i suddenly needed a wee
Along came a big wave
I thought “This is no time to behave!”
…that’s why girls call me ‘Neptune’,y’see.
oh…beaten…sorry…ok…errm…
One day while pulling up weeds
I thought “I really must attend to my needs!”
One day while pulling up weeds
I thought “I really must attend to my needs!”
So i poured a cold beer