I was just watching an ad on TV, something to do with home improvements, the chap in the ad actually said these words.
“And do you know what I love about it? The craftsmanship, it’s cracking”
Does anybody bother to read these ads before they film them? I mean who’d want to buy something that’s cracking? Am I missing something here or is work that is cracking the norm today?
Don’t mind me I’m only having a bit of craic.
Two guys in their mid-twenties were sitting at a bar.
One of the guys says to his buddy, man you look tired.
The buddy says, dude I’m exhausted…my girlfriend and I have sex all the time. I just don’t know what to do.
A middle-aged fellow sitting a couple of stools down had over-heard the conversation, looked over at the two young men and says, “Marry her…That’ll put a stop to that shit! “
It’s nothing to do with annoying the bull,Jem-they use red capes to disguise any traces of blood from the matador. Bulls and dogs are monochrome-vision. Cats CAN see colours,but not variants on them.
Oh-I’ve been offered a job at an old folks day centre…bus-driver/gen maintenance. I’ve accepted. This low-lowder…well,they can lick-it-and-stick-it. I now await the cascade of hilarity regarding Pug chatting up grannies. {but only the well fit ones,natch…phwoooah}
Ain’t that ever so true Gumbud, when the honeymoon is over you have to make an appointment for the next time “Oh! is it Sunday again”
Thanks again Pug, I noticed sometimes the matador has a pink cape, does that mean they are fighting a gay bull? Toredors, matadors, picadors, all bull to me, now Diana Dors, she was out on her own, lovely woman rest her soul.
That’s very considerate of you helping with the old folks Pug, your heart is in the right place. Keep your hands off the old ladies or Mrs Pug will get jealous, my missus used to be very jealous, if I got home and she found a blond hair on my jacket she’d accuse me of being out with a blond, a dark hair and I was out with a brunette, no hairs and I was out with a baldy women, yes she had it bad.;-)
You should consider yourself a tad above we mere mortals,then,Jem.
The Memsahib’d snort in derision at the very idea of me ever ‘pulling’.
But YOUR missus…ah,SHE knows a JEMSTONE when she sees one…
…and isn’t letting go;you’re her uber-valuable Honey Bunny!
[awwwww]
You wise men don’t know how it feels, to be Thick as a Brick.
…what’s ‘wise’ mean,spitfire?
Is that like when you have two shovels to choose from and you get asked to take your pick?
As in being,like,clever ‘n’ stuff?
[coz I failed that test-I chose the one without a handle]
“A wise man learns more from a fool than a fool learns from a wise man” As the great Confucius said. Wisdom is a fool, Norman that is, he made a very good living playing the fool, nobody made a penny playing Einstein as far as I know, it’s like the Oxford educated Donkey who couldn’t get a job, nobody likes a smart ass.
Anyone know if Robert Junior is on a break or what?
Talking about breaks, the wife bought a job lot of Kit Kats, loose in a bag with no wrappers on just a line of the finger biscuits, when I snapped one off to eat I automatically said “Middle of the Road” Just shows you the power of advertising, that old ad was still in me mind nearly forty years on.
Y’know…for some reason I genuinely can’t fathom,I have three laptops on this desk. An Apple Pro,a Toshiba…and this Sony Vaio wot I is using.
Truthfully,I have no idea how come there are three laptops here…but then it got worse-I opened the top right draw…and there,staring at me,are FOUR mobile phones! An iphone 6s,a Nokia 3410,a Nokia 2061 and a Samsung SGH-G800. FFS! I have NO idea how long they’ve been there-last time I opened that draw,Noah was busy inventing the wheel or something. Wow.
Your spoiled for choice Pug me lad. Never had a mobile phone in me life, necessary for most people now I know, but thankfully not for me, once your number is out any gobshite can have access to you anytime they wish, in the old days the barman was your friend and when the missus rang the pub he’d say you weren’t there, now the poor chaps have no excuse, ah the good old days.:-)
A little girl asked her mother, “How did the human race appear?”
The mother answered, “God made Adam and Eve and they had children and so was all mankind made.”
Two days later the girl asked her father the same question.
The father answered, “Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.”
The confused girl returned to her mother and said, “Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?”
The mother answered, “Well, dear, it is very simple: I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his.”
Agreed,Jem-however,the police chaps tend to habitually contact me on my own phone,rather than the official work one…so I don’t really mind,as they have their own app thing that knocks unwanted intrusions for six. I’ve taken the job as the coach driver for the disabled centre-told ‘top-cop’ I’m moving on…he shook my hand and congratulated me! But the app can stay on my phone,in case they need me…hmm…not much faith in my replacement,then…
It’s hard to replace a good man Pug.
And now for some more totally useless information.
We had a builders labourer who drank in our local years ago, he was an excellent painter of abstract art, very much in the Picasso style, needless to say his talent was not appreciated amongst us art ignorant slobs, they used to give him an awful slagging when he showed his work in the pub but he was strong willed and shrugged it all off with a smile, he was of Spanish descent and signed his work ‘Pickaxeo’ I think he eventually went back to Spain where no doubt that kind of painting is more appreciated.
And this is also a fact, if me memory served me right. There was a local band in Dublin in the late 60’s and early 70’s called “The Rolling Tones’, they weren’t bad, far better than Bono ever was when I saw him playing in the Dandelion Market before he got lucky, the band must have hit a brick wall because they broke up. Actually the rolling Stones management threatened to take them to court and they changed the name to “Some People” The lead guitarist was brilliant (John Dunne was his name if I remember correctly) and Conny O’ Brien did the vocals and a stand up comic routine in the style Brendan O’ Carroll does on stage, not the Mrs Brown thing, but long before O’Carroll was doing it.
Paddy the Air Lingus pilot was making his first landing at Heathrow and said to Mick the co-pilot “This looks to be a tricky one, as soon as we hit the deck I want full thrust reversal and maximum braking”.
The co-pilot duly obliged and the plane screeched to a halt barely two feet from the end of the runway.
Paddy said “That’s the shortest runway I have ever seen”.
“Aye” said Mick, "but…look how wide it is.
What will be will be.
I thought I would die by the time I was thirty
Had a pain in me chest, and it really did hurt me
I asked the doctor what would I do
He smiled and said, well that’s up to you
“Give up the smokes and pack in the drink
And before you know it you’ll be back in the pink”
“That’s easy to say from your point of view
But I’ll thank you for trying, to give you your dew”
Forty years later I saw him in the local
He was all frail and not very vocal
How was he feeling I did wonder
If I slapped him on the back would he fall asunder?
I’m glad I’d seen him although not a word was said
For one Month later the poor chap was dead
So you see, life is just a roll of the dice
Whether you do or don’t take others advice.;-)
(Sausage Factory Productions 2017)
True,dat,Jem.
Last night I had to attend a compulsory 1st-aid lecture.
The usual stuff,cpr,defibs,anti-choking,blocked airways,bleeds,etc etc.
Mostly a tad boring,as I’ve attended so many I have enough certificates to fill a shelf. BUT;one interesting thing was mentioned…we all had to demonstrate our prowess at the Heimlich manoeuvre…not in or of itself a difficult manoeuvre…except it’s now referred to as the ‘Reverse Abdominal Thrust’. Yeas,you guessed,I asked how come. Wish I hadn’t,as the ambulance chap was MOST vociferous in his condemnation of Heimlich…and his preference for children of an exceptionally young age. Oops-I honestly had no idea why the name-change was so adamantly and vehemently being drummed in…and judging by the rest of the people there-all female,btw,neither did they. Wow-this Heimlich chap did SO much good in introducing into 1st-aid his life saving technique…a technique I personally have had to implement on two separate occasions - and yet he’ll be forever remembered as a kiddy fiddler! A fact I discovered just last night.
Mind you,it wasn’t all bad…at one point I had Jo,the manageress,who is rather buxom and extremely pretty,sitting astride my chest,pumping my sternum like crazy as she attempted to implement cpr…her admirable chesticles bouncing around just inches from my face as she gave it her all…and me not helping by whispering “I think I love you” as she tried [unsuccessfully] not to laugh.
Hmm…an interesting evening.
You lucky old devil, Jo sounds wonderful Pug, she could bounce on my chest anytime, I can see you staying the full course and coming back for more, better tell Mrs Pug it was a big hairy Gorilla of a man sitting astride you and it was sheer hell.
“I have taken a rib from Adam and the rib shall wear the bib henceforth” Sayeth the Lord.;-)
Gone are the days when they willingly donned and loved they’re bibs, frilly ones, brightly coloured bibs, jokey bibs with funny slogans written on them, seems to me they’ll wear anything now bar a bib. Some men wear bibs in the kitchen now I believe, my missus won’t let me near the kitchen when she’s cooking, and yes she wears a bib. I hear some men even wear corsets to keep their bellies in too. as I always say I’m old fashioned and don’t know these things.:shock:
I wonder is that where the word Arab came from, a bastardisation of the words 'A rib’ going all the way back to Adam and Eve.
This is bordering on the Bib-lical.