Leisurely Scribbles (part 5) (Part 1)

[Jem]

A fella I knew, he was a very good mate
He worked at the building, mixing concrete
He had this barrel that spins around
Then when it’s ready he’d pour it out on the ground
He loved his work and he swiped a mean trowel
Always on the job be it be it fair or foul.

One day his teeth fell into the cement
He put his head in with good intent
Trying to find them in the spinning barrel
He was buried last year, by Father O’Farrell. ;-)

My old Doctor died several years ago and his Son, who is also a Doctor, took over the practice. He’s a cheeky young devil but a likeable fella, all the old ladies love him.

The following is actually true.

My mate Charlie paid him a visit last year thinking he was in the early stages of having a stroke, you know, a tightness of the chest and pins and needles down the left arm.

The doctor gave him a great examination and told him he was OK, Charlie forgot to mention that he had fallen asleep on the sofa beforehand and his dog was lying on his left side.

“Are yeh sure I’m OK Doc?” says he.
“Quite sure Charlie, go home and relax yourself”
“Well when my neighbour had his first stroke, he had pains in his chest, heavy sweating, and a sever headache, no pins and needles down the arm, how’s that Doc?”
“No mystery there at all Charlie, different strokes for different folks”

[Jem]

I’ve got through a lot of old murder/mystery films on youtube during this lockdown, I’m now starting on the Westerns. There are loads of war films out there but I hate war films and any type of sport film, and believe it or not, horse racing films.

One thing that always struck me as odd in Westerns is that the cowboys and native Americans portrayed in these films all have perfect teeth, except for a few real baddies who have theirs stained to make them look even badder.

Teeth as white as snow, whereas in reality most cowboys had rotten teeth, out there in the wild all of their lives with no proper dental care plus bad diet and chewing tobacco were the main causes of this, toothache was very common and every chancer had a go at ‘dentistry’ to cash in on this, you also had the travelling dentists or tooth drawers as they were called, they would go from town to town, some of their methods were barbaric. I think Doc Holiday was a trained dentist.
Saddle tramps even had brilliant teeth in the old Westerns. So much for realism.

When the cowboys or maybe the cavalry were in battle with the “redskins” there was far more redskins killed than cowboys, and I believe they made the horses fall by using trip wires, how cruel is that!
Of course it’s all changed now, thank God.

Then there was always the “mangy dogs”

I’ve been in love with mangy dogs ever since I saw Walt Disney’s “Lady and the Tramp” as a kid. you know the story, Jim Dear gives his wife Darling a cocker spaniel as a present, but then she gets pregnant, and as old jock the dog says “When a baby moves in the dog moves out”
Darling and dear, the perfect couple, have a bit of a barney, and Lady is disgusted “Oh dear” she says “Darling and Dear are having their first quarrel”
Real end of the World stuff eh?

I well remember when this Jim dear and Darling had our first quarrel, it was about a mustard coloured cardigan she bought and when asked my opinion I said I didn’t like it, big mistake, I was as sick as a dog with remorse for months afterwards, couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep , ah but I ramble, sorry.

Every cowboy town has at least one mangy dog, if you look closely you will always catch sight of the mangy dog as he slowly slinks across the dusty street, usually from the Sheriff’s office to the saloon hoping to pick up some scraps of food.
Mangy dogs, no matter how old they are will always look undernourished and old with their back slightly drooping between the head and rear, some may have only have one good eye, the other permanently damaged from constantly being spat in the eye by tobacco chewing cowboys, or kids poking them with sticks.

The ‘Lad’ or the hero, the lad’s pal, the girl, the kid, the old man, the head crook, and the mangy dog were all part and parcel of the old Western film scene.

I wonder was or maybe there still is someone out there who specialises in training mangy dogs for these films. I heard of some fella who made a packet from training rats for horror films back in the 30’s/40’s and later on the ‘work’ was carried on by his son into the 60’s when Hammer horror films were very popular.

I’m asking because when my little dog passes on I want to adopt my own mangy dog, I would treat him/her like royalty for the rest of his/her days, I just adore mangy dogs.

This poor fella having a tooth drawn must have been in real agony to submit himself to this treatment, but you know what they say, you have to be cruel to be kind.

https://i.postimg.cc/JhsP9w9V/images.jpg

[Jem]

I very nearly fell for a smart con trick today.

After my breakfast I turned on the computer and up pops a very genuine looking Google message
“Congratulations! you’ve just won an Apple smartphone! blah blah blah” It was most impressive with testimonials including photos of previous ‘winners’.
I continued on to the next page were four of those idiot questions they have to ask to make it look like a contest with a bit of skill attached, starting with “where is the Google headquarters located, USA, Russia, China” and “which of the following is part of Google, Facebook, Youtube, Twitter”, etc., all Google related questions, anyway I went on till the end without giving any of my personal details out.

When I got to the end, they said I would have to pay, wait for it…one euro for postage!!
Then the detail page came up, your full name, address, email, credit card details etc., so off the page I go like a light.

What I can’t understand is after devising such a clever and convincing con why do they go and mess it all up by asking for a €1 postage fee???, it makes it so obvious they want your details, I mean you wouldn’t even buy a stamp for a euro now!, they are sending you a €900 phone and they want €1 off you!, who would be so foolish as to think a multibillion trusted concern like Google would award you a prize and then ask you to pay €i postage?, it’s a bloody insult to the winner, how stupid of them after all the preparations to balls it up with a demand for a lousy euro.
As Charlie Chan used to say to his number one Son “
“it’s aways the little things that catches them out”

Anyway I have one of those pre-paid credit cards and never have more that €100 in it at any time, I prefer to pay my way in cash for as long as I can, so if I ever get ‘done’ I won’t be hit as hard as some poor sods I hear about.

Strange how the police can find people they want on the internet yet they don’t seem to be able to find and stop these scammers, surely they could if they really wanted to, and Google itself should be outraged with their good name being abused in this manner, God knows this kind of thing has been going on for decades now and you never hear of any scammers being charged or taken to court do you?

So if you ‘won’ a new phone from Google get off the page pronto.

My cousin Rita who lives on a farm in Wexford rang me today, she said she’s sick of these lockdowns and she’s going nuts in the farmhouse.
She has taken up a new hobby, she crushes rodents and preserves them in jars, after a few weeks she makes artificial flowers with the ingredients… Tulips from Hamster Jam.

Oh God!, she’s not the only one going nuts, but still, I’m doing me bit for the planet by recycling old jokes.

“When it’s Spring again, I’ll bring again, two whips of hamster jam”, lovely on toast I believe.;-)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=/qPsq6flck2A

[Fruitcake]

I used to enjoy a good cowboy film when I wore a younger man’s clothes (brilliant line from Billy Joel’s, Piano Man).
In the early days the baddy wore a black hat and the good guy wore a white one so you knew straight away who was who.

In one of the films, John Wayne had a dog called Dog. “Well it comes when I call it” said he.

Later on came the Spaghetti Westerns, and they showed bad teeth, but that was usually just the villains.

When I was a-courting I had a lady knock on my door asking if the Dental Nurse who lived here was home. I was annoyed, not with her, but with a near neighbour who had seen her outside the dentist that was closed at the time and told her that my Lovely Cousin and I were living in sin.
She didn’t move in until we were married and on that particular day was at her home studying for her dental surgery assistant exams.

Anyway, the poor lady was obviously in agony, having had a tooth pulled the day before, and she was convinced a piece had been left in.
I took her in and say her down whilst I 'phoned my Lovely who in turn 'phoned the dentist who was at another practice that day.
Between them they arranged an appointment for the lady to be seen that evening, the only day of the week I didn’t see her because she normally had evening classes at college, and the lady did indeed have a piece of tooth left behind.

When my lovely next door neighbour found out what had happened, she gave the near neighbour a right royal roasting, saying that my Lovely Cousin never stayed the night and was always walked home in the evenings by me.

I never open pop-ups on my pooter. If I get an email from someone I don’t know, I open it in Immersive Reader so you can view it without actually opening it.
The email address and or content are a dead giveaway that it’s a scam.

Aunty/MiL got a 'phone call yesterday from Microsoft about her pooter being hacked.

She passed it to me and after a few minutes of me asking inane questions, I was passed to the “Technical Department.”
I managed to keep him on the 'phone for fifteen minutes. I wanted him to tell me how the physical route these hackers took to access my computer, but he obviously didn’t understand the questions, but instead talked non stop and fast for between one and two minutes at a time.

I wanted him to tell me it was via the landline but he never did.
At that point I would have told him that we have two landlines and the one he called on isn’t connected to the internet, and that Aunty/MiL doesn’t have a computer.

Oh well, maybe next time.

[Jem]

A very enjoyable read as always Fruity, thank you for that.

Strange thing after all that talking about dentists and teeth one of my lower fangs became very loose yesterday after it got stuck in one of the sister in law’s rock buns, these buns of hers couldn’t be better named, you’d need a hammer and chisel to get a bite of one, but I just smile and like the cannibal eating his father in law said “I’m having a ball”, no need to hurt her feelings, she does her best but she’ll never be as good at baking as her sister, thank God she only drops them in twice a year, otherwise I’d be as gummy as a hen.

But anyway to be fair the tooth was becoming more loose by the day and by last night it was so loose that I was afraid to leave it in in case I swallowed it during the night, and with the long sharp roots that could be very dangerous internally so it had to vacate before I went to bed.

Now to my method of extraction, it is very simple in emergencies such as now with few if any dentists open.
Make sure to clean your teeth and the mouth has been washed out with mouthwash afterwards. very important to keep your hands spotless and sanitised too.

Melt a bit of polymorph in boiling water, get a length of strong thread and double it, tie a few knots at one end and insert it into the melted plastic then attach the plastic around the tooth tucking it in at the bottom for extra grip, and wait till it hardens.
One good advantage with this method is that there is no danger of leaving a bit of tooth behind as the plastic envelopes the whole tooth, not like a pliers.

Lastly attach the other end of the thread to something strong and well above the head (in the case of a bottom tooth, and below the head for a top tooth).
Stand up and when you feel the thread is tense steady yourself, then give one violent jerk of the head downwards, and wallah it’s out, 100% painless.
Remember oral hygiene is most important at all times.

Rinse with fresh clean water a few times but not too many so as to let the blood congeal, after an hour or so rinse out the mouth again with a good mouthwash and Bob’s your Uncle.

In case anyone didn’t know, Polymorph is a low melting point plastic but hardens slowly (about 5 minutes) to a very solid tough plastic, can be bought in craft shops, its handy to keep around for fixing broken plastic things, for water proofing and sealing outside cables like on a satellite dish, it’s hygienic, holds shapes well and is great for crafts too.

The wife ventured out to the garden today, it wasn’t cold and she was walking around with a measuring tape while taking notes on her notepad, when asked what she was doing I was politely told to mind my own business, that’s a sure sign she’s going to land something big on me soon. :shock:

I wonder what she has in mind for this year, herself and the daughter have been in consultation over the phone the past few days, methinks something big is hatching, and as usual I’ll be the last one to know what it is…until I get the bill.:-)

Love the name of this shop.

https://i.postimg.cc/VksckJm8/fuchia.jpg

[Jem]

One of my brothers in law, (wife’s brother) called in person today, hadn’t seen him in over a year, amazing what comes out in the Spring ain’t it.

His name is Lewis and he was always very keen on running and keeping fit in his younger days, he drives a taxi these days, he has a small fleet of them which he hires out to other drivers, he’s almost 80 now and he’s loaded, but he’s too mean to give up work.
Those in the family, and her’s is a pretty big family, used to call him “Runaround Lou” when he was in his prime, much to his annoyance.
Dubliners are like Londoners in that they have a nickname for everyone and everything.

Anyway he wanted to borrow some gardening tools, no problem with that there’s a whole shed full of them out the back, he told me what he needed and I told him to wait in the porch, but he was insisting to come into the house proper. :shock:

He said he had just got the vaccine yesterday and it was OK to come in, oh no it’s not says I, besides your not in our bubble (see, I’m catching on to this new corona lingo fairly quickly).

He was disgusted but said nothing, I gave him the tools and off he went with a face on him like a plateful of mortal sins, never a word of thanks from him, grumpy old git that he is.

The wife’s swiped me razor, to shave God knows what
And it’s time to get rid of me stubble
I can’t believe how blunt the blade has got
Good job we’re in the same bubble.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=/4NQLmUOgT5M

[spitfire]

How come only one person can fit in a Bubble Car?

[Jem]

@spitfire

How come only one person can fit in a Bubble Car?

Indeed, and another question I asked a learned medical friend was
“How does one go about enlarging the circle of ones own bubble?
To which he replied “Just stick a long balloon in your ass and blow it up”

He’s not a very nice man I’m afraid, and I’m not going to try it.

I’m far from being anti social, quite the opposite really.

Some local lady phoned the house today asking me to join a new resident association she and others were forming, the old association collapsed several years ago over massive disagreements, jealousy, and rumours of fiddling the funds, I put her onto the wife as she knows the woman, Phyllis politely refused, she’s like me and doesn’t like joining any type of clubs or associations.

Back in the 1930’40’50’s many American golf clubs (and other clubs too) would not allow Jewish people join.
Kirk Douglas and Groucho Marx came up against this type of prejudice, Marx is reported to have said at the time “I suppose half the fun in belonging to a club is keeping others out”
I agree with him, I noticed that too long ago.

The boy scouts is the only club I ever joined, I also joined the reserve forces here but strictly for the generous gratuity you got for doing the two weeks annual camp, after that I seldom turned up for “parade”
I don’t like clubs, any club I visited I always had someone to sign me in, there’s always some little Hitler in charge to bark out rules and lord over everyone. I value what freedom I have and I prefer to be in charge of and responsible for myself, there has always been a high percentage of free spirit in me.

All Clubs become clannish and a lot of petty jealousy goes on, the longer the club is running the more rules are added and they tend to become very selective of who they let in.
Those at the top become engrained in their positions, and it’s almost impossible to get them out, they are truly convinced they actually own these clubs.

But to those who enjoy being members of clubs I say good luck to them, I’m just giving my own opinion.

I don’t consider a forum a club, more a pub, people are free to come and go when they please, talk to who they please, say what they want without insulting others and within reason, leave without notice, just like any good local pub.

I bought this album when it came out first, it’s in perfect condition still, I was always kind to my records, I even have it in the record shops bag where I bought it, “Golden Discs” of Capel Street, long gone now. Last year I gave the LP to my Son who said it’s worth a few bob today, he’s welcome to do what he likes with it.

- YouTube

[Fruitcake]

In one of his films, Groucho Marx also said, “I wouldn’t want to join a club that would have me as a member.”

I really like the name of the flower shop. I came across one in Ohio called, Sherwood Florist.

[spitfire]

No teams here Jem, that has been well documented.

[Jem]

Wasn’t it Chico Marx who wouldn’t sign a sanity clause in his contract saying in an Italian accent
“Ah you can a no fool me, everybody a knows there’s a no Sanity Clause.
Silly I know but it still gives me a smile when I think of it.

I thought this one below was into your barrow Fruity, I think one has to don a Mexican accent when saying it. I’ve never tried Tequila.

Some of last night’s thread titles, as I say me eyesight is not the best.

“House for sale at…”
“Illegal emigrants bum…” I know that house, it’s here in Dublin City overlooking Butt Bridge.

“The book of joy…”
“Taking down Dec’s…” Have fun Dec.

“Who will win the championship…”
“Prince Philip…” Nothing surprises me any more.

https://i.postimg.cc/6qMqgSYy/Tequila.jpg

[Jem]

@spitfire

No teams here Jem, that has been well documented.

Very true Spitty, all individuals.

[Jem]

Power outrages???

I must have been asleep when they changed the name of power cuts to “outrages”, of course I haven’t been out much the past year and when I am I never stop to talk to anyone, but even on the phone I’ve never heard anyone here say they had a ‘power outrage’, of power cuts we’ve had quite a few with the Winter storms and the only time I heard power outrage mentioned was in the media. I suppose it makes it sound more dramatic and dangerous, as they usually do in Winter.

Why call them outrages? maybe I’m missing something big here or maybe I’m just plain daft.
The last time I looked in my dictionary this was what ‘outrage meant.

Outrage.
“An extremely strong reaction of anger, shock, or indignation.“her voice trembled with outrage”

Nothing to do with electricity or power whatsoever.
Murder is an outrage, as is rape, assault and battery, there are many types of outrages but the only
time I have an outrage with the electricity board is when the bill arrives, then I get an extremely strong
reaction of anger, shock, and indignation.

I googled “What’s the difference between a blackout and a power outrage?”
“When electrical service stops entirely, that’s a blackout. The term “blackout” usually refers to large-scale service interruption, as smaller interruptions caused by things like transformer malfunctions are often simply called “power outages”

A simple outrage? I can just see myself strangling the wife when a policeman comes in
“Hello, what’s all this then?”
“Nothing officer, I’m just having a simple outrage”
“Oh that’s OK, carry on Sir”

Well this old dog won’t be calling them outrages, I’m too old for new tricks.

God help us if we ever get an outrageous blackout.:shock:

The wife and me have decided to have the vaccine, we’ve never had any of the flu jabs before but this is a different kettle of fish. The over 85’s have had it this week so we’ll probably be in the next lot, the over 75’s.

Now’s the time to literally roll up our sleeves and do our bit for our families and our country.

For years I was a vaccine cynic
And avoided the jab in the arm
Now I’m off to the local clinic
Assured it will do me no harm.

[spitfire]

Went on the Ebike to one of the less glamorous areas of Birmingham, I am well known there, just got to teach the Plebs to spell my name correctly.

https://i.ibb.co/z8f1Hpg/91-C259-BC-FA8-B-4-AAC-B725-582-B328-CF6-C1.jpg

https://i.ibb.co/0m3HZDZ/3-E0-C95-EE-DF5-A-461-E-A17-D-7-BFD93-EF042-B.jpg

[spitfire]

I think you know my thoughts on being a Team Player, I’ve said before, I was a sh1t hot darts player, and the local teams were always petitioning me to join them. They must have noticed the pattern, arrive at the Bar 7.00pm wipe the floor with the darts lads until 8.00pm, then, off on the Crumpet hunt till closing time (lounges only after 8.00pm.

[Jem]

Yes it’s handy when one is familiar with the not so smooth areas, I’ll never forget where I was born and raised, but it helps give you a sense of balance in life when you’ve experienced both sides of the coin.

Spite! that spelling couldn’t be further from the truth, sure there’s not a spiteful bone in your body Spitty me lad .

Talking about electrical power cuts, I see that old classic “Fanny by Gaslight” is on Talking pictures TV tomorrow at 3.20pm, it’s a long time since I’ve seen Fanny by gaslight, might have another look.

The old Doctor I had for decades passed away a few years ago, he was an old fashioned type of Doctor, and no matter how bad you felt he would always reassure you that you’d be OK after you took the pills, creams or powders he prescribed for you, he was not exactly a brain surgeon, but a thoughtful old geezer none the less, rest his kind soul.

His waiting room was always spotlessly clean, old Mrs Gilligan his neighbour used to do all his cleaning for him.

However magazines and newspapers never had the regular updating most other waiting rooms had, after cleaning the room the same old stuff was always placed back onto the big table in the centre, I don’t blame the Doc, I blame Mrs Gilligan for this oversight.

I remember on one of my visits I had a newspaper in my hands when the Doc himself entered the waiting room.

“Ah good morning to you Jem” says he with a smile.
“And good morning to you Doctor” says I.
“I see your reading the newspaper, keeping up with the latest news eh”.
“Yes Doctor, that was terrible about the Titanic wasn’t it, hit an iceberg it says here?”

Next time I went there he had all the latest papers and magazines laid out on the big round table.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=/usNsCeOV4GM

[spitfire]

Great track Jem, an amazing use of cacophony, bit nostalgic also, been a while since I “Dragged a comb across my Head”.

[spitfire]

Been back to the urban jungle, here the street artists have picked up on Spite’s love hate relationship with Data.

https://i.ibb.co/J7tGqd4/B147-A3-D3-616-A-4-BC1-8-D10-ADFD0-D08-A38-E.jpg

[Jem]

As it turned out I was right about the conspiracy going on between the wife and daughter, some project was being hatched and the bones of the project arrived yesterday by truck, I had to unload it with the help of a wheelbarrow and the chap next door.

The old driver fella said he was only there to deliver it not to unload it and he sat in the truck, just as well for him, he was really old and frail looking, there wasn’t a pick on the old lad, and I’d hate to be responsible if he dropped dead on my pathway with a heap of heavy planks on top of him.:shock: (I later heard that the old lad was the father of the three brothers who ran the builders providers, they are so busy that he insisted on doing some driving to help out)

Lashings of planks of various sizes and sturdy wooden poles, sheets of corrugated clear plastic, bags of ready mixed cement, concrete cavity blocks etc. Thank God I’m still fit at my age.

The daughter is going to build a new greenhouse, she’s handy at building things but she needs help with the heavy stuff, so that means I’ll be her labourer once she decides to start the work.
All strictly amateur stuff of course, nothing like the wonderful work the members here produce, but appreciated and good enough for the wife and me.

She has a plan, and what is more nerve wreaking for a man than waiting for a woman’s plan to unfold, tense days ahead. ;-)

I blame the TV for showing all those gardening programs, especially the one with that big redheaded woman in it, she’s no stranger to rolling up her sleeves and getting dug in, jaysus I’d hate to come home drunk and have to face her.:shock:
The women are going mad now building things in the gardens.

The daughter has taken a short break from her job, rain stopped play today and likely tomorrow too, so I reckon I’ll be dragged out of me bed bright and early on Thursday morning, I sure am looking forward to that I can tell you. :shock:
I have all the wood covered up with plastic sheets, nothing as bad as trying to saw through a wet plank with a hand saw.

I told her I don’t want any windows put in it, and the door is to be edged with rubber sealing,
I figured out that’s the best way to stop greenhouse gas emissions, gotta do me bit for the planet you know. :-)

Birthplace, job, area, what car you drive, clothes, and how you speak, yes distinction is alive and thriving Spitty, petty snobs abound all around, wasn’t it Shakespeare who said.

“Just because you were born in a stable does not make you a Horse”

“Neigh neigh, it was Wellington” says Red Rum, and that’s from the horse’s mouth.

Ah those barefoot days and eating bread and drippin are soon forgotten.

My father in law used to sing this song when he got a bit tight, God be good to him, he was a nice old chap and we got on well I’m happy to say.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=/jxXnYIsONi8

[Fruitcake]

Ah, building a greenhouse is it? Well I hope you have enough green paint to suffice.
As my old dad used to say, “enough is sufficient.”

He was handy at building things from scratch. There was always a good solid workbench wherever we lived. I’m quite sure it was the same wood moved each time with the furniture then fitted into the new space.

I know of the gardener woman off the telly you mean. We used to watch a programme called Ground Force by here, but she is a lot larger now than she was back then.
Part of our back garden is based on a design from that programme.
When I was about fifty and thinking ahead to retirement I decided to make a labour saving garden. It took me two years and nearly killed me, but now it’s paying dividends.

We’ve had the rains and the winds here, and before that 'twas cold, but we always seem to escape the worst of things. It’s generally warm and wet or cold and dry by here at this time of the year.

My Outlaws have had both of their jabs, I had my first one last week, and my Lovely Cousin will be getting her jab tomorrow.
She got the invite by text so 'phoned her sister who is two years older and has the same surname initial. They then went through the booking process together and got appointments ten minutes apart. My lovely cousin will come her and then follow my Lovely Cousin (if you follow that) because the older sister doesn’t know the place where the jabs are being done.

The girls are as alike as chalk and Chaucer, but I always got on well with both of them. The older girl has always been a good friend to me and a brilliant Aunt to our kids. It will be nice to see her even if it will only be a quick chat on the driveway.

When they were teenagers and before I started courting the younger girl, I used to invite both of them to spend a day at my place every now and then. I would perform culinary experiments upon them then go out somewhere for the afternoon. A country walk and an ice-cream often featured heavily during that time. I tell you, it did my Street-Cred absolutely no harm at all to be seen arm in arm with two attractive young ladies.

Let’s hope the effects of these jabs start to bite soon, and we will be able to hug our friends and family in the not too distant future.