Anyone remember Liquid Paraffin? There was always a bottle of it in our house when we were kids, we were given a spoonful every now and then to keep the bowels in order, the older folks rubbed it into aching joints, and my dad used it in his hair as hair oil, the Brylcream being out of his budget range back then, he had a wonderful head of strong hair when he died at 94. It was great for bicycle chains, stiff locks, and I believe it gave relief to the unmentionables (piles):shock: when they got itchy, marvellous multi purpose stuff at a shilling for a big big bottle, do they still make it? I doubt it, you’d have to buy everything it used to do separately now and it would cost you a bomb, is it any wonder the planet is clogging up with junk waste we don’t need, we had it all before condensed into one returnable bottle.
I’ve used it to make a small nitrogen bomb Jem!
anyway here’s as rather technical story that I think old Pugnacious could give us some advice on however I am happy for all to chip in as you usually do!
AN ODE TO RUINED TROUSERS
Libby did a load of washing - some towels, new dress, some blouses
I wish she’d not included - my very favourite trousers
I bet you think this tale of woe - is about dye running from her dress
And ruining my favourite trousers - making them a sorry mess
If so, your guess is very wrong - the disaster was much worse
So bad in fact that both of us - had a right good curse
Whilst she popped out to see some friends - she left the washer working
And when at last she got back home - a burning smell was lurking
She checked each room in the house - and couldn’t find the reason
Until she got the washing out - the sight was far from pleasing
Big holes burned in all the clothes - my trousers were no more
Her brand new dress was ruined - that she had hardly wore
But the washing it was wet - how could water burn ?
It all seemed quite impossible - so to an expert we did turn
The repair man came and tutted - he’d not seen this before
He examined the machine - and then gave us the score…
“The solenoid valves gone wonky - the level switch is busted
The thermostat’s completely dead - corroded up and rusted
They conspired to fail together - and the heater got red hot
With no water in the washing drum - which the level switch d’aint spot
The thermostat ignored it - the heater just glowed on
Until the clothes caught fire - and most of them were gone
But the rinse cycle worked - and put the burning out
That’s why the clothes were damp” - with pride the man did shout
“I can fix it good as new - but it will cost much money”
Levity at such a time - we didn’t find too funny
The moral of this sorry tale - stay home to do the washing
And make sure it fills with water - you can tell by sounds of splashing
And if your machine’s a Hotpoint - you better get it checked
If your new dress or hubbies trousers - are not to get quite wrecked.
not a gumbud copyright
I could explain…but I NOZE you eager scryptologists [yeah-I made a word up…SO?!? Shakespeare did such things for a living-I’ve decided it means “To write word or verse containing deep inner meaning”. DEAL with it,dudes. [and dudettes,natch] prefer to put fingertip to keyboard than to listen to some dorkish nerd who knows too much about irrelevancies. INNIT! Oh,btw-talking of childhood medicines…
ipecanuanha…
To whence,has it all gone?
not up to the usual challenge then puggie bear?
A guy took a blonde out on a date. Eventually they ended up parked at a “lovers point” where they started making out.
After things started getting pretty good, he thought he might get lucky, so he asked her “Do you want to go in the back seat?”
“NO!” she answered.
Okay, he thought, maybe she’s not ready yet.
Now he has her T shirt and skirt off, the windows are steamed, and things are getting really hot, so he asks again, “Do you want to go in the back seat?”
“NO!” she answers again.
Now he has her bra off, they’re both very sweaty.
Okay, he thinks, she HAS to want it now.
“Do you want to go in the back seat?” he asks again.
“NO!” she answers yet again.
Frustrated, he demands “Well, why not!”
“Because I want to stay up here with you!”
I ruined a lovely new pair of long trousers when I was twelve, it was on a Sunday and I was wearing the trousers for the first time, a gang of us lads went up to the nearby river and were swinging on a rope hanging from a tree to the other side, when my turn came the rope broke and I ended up in the drink. I was soaked to the skin and the big brother had a brainwave, light a fire and dry the clothes off. I stood there naked all but for the brothers jumper wrapped around me private bits. The last thing to dry was the trousers and just as they were nearly there the end of one leg scorched leaving a big brown mark on the turn up of the navy blue material, it looked so obvious so the brother had another great idea, to cut the turn ups off both legs when we come home and when the mother came in she wouldn’t notice anything, he was wrong, she copped on as soon as she looked at me, no TV for a week after that. I can feel a shiver go up my spine as I think of that cold February Sunday afternoon when I stood by the river waiting for the clothes to dry.
The boy stood on the burning river bank
Naked as a rock
His dignity and his spirits sank
And his mates enjoyed the mock.
Oh. THANKS,pal!
ok,ok…you wannit,gumbud-you gottit.
Invariably,people put mixed materials in for washing/tumble-drying. Now…that’s ok in and of itself…but…cellulosic materials require a LOT less heat before becoming unstable as materials…such things as rayon,cotton,linen & various lyocels allow very easy movement of oxygen within and through the fibres…ergo,they heat easily-and as per,oxygen + heat is an ignition source. Ok so far? Gooood…right…lyocels and rayons tend to shrink in high temperatures,trapping those superheated oxygen molecules within their fibres. Now…add in a lack of moisture to or around these materials,due to a failing pump/drivebelt coming off/bearing collapsing,etc-and you now have a slow but VERY effective heat source that won’t show from outside the machine…until a wire or electrical switch burns through due to the excessive heat. The force majeure here,is the fact that the heat source is unable to extinguish itself by the usual method-[consumption of available flammable materials]-as the ‘fire’ isn’t a fire ‘per-se’,but a slow combustion of trapped oxygen molecules WITHIN the shrinking and therefore tightening fabrics which are being subjected to high temperatures…which are heightening as the available oxygen molecules ignite,thus causing a ‘Catch 22’ situation in which other oxygen molecules in less densely woven materials now begin to ignite. PLUS the fact that the machine within which they are held,has an electric current running through it…which,in turn,means various internal switches and/or timers which are invariably mounted in a form of plastic,start,due to the now intense internal heat,to fail as ‘safety lock-outs’ and become a further source of heat-and in many cases,fire,as they short out. My mate gumbud will continue this,in his inimitable style.
My advice…NEVER leave ANYTHING on if you’re leaving the house,that relies on a drive-belt to operate safely. [and,btw-Beko are the makers of many of the components that so frequently fail,NOT Samsung or Hotpoint…they just make the machines.
But…I dunno NUFFINK…[as I already told gumdrops]
I studied textiles for 2 years part time on day release from my then employers Grace Brothers (JLP) 1967- 1970.
I am amazed how you know all this Puggiboy.
All I can remember from this is that the latin name for silkworm is BOMBYX MORI. Terylene is made from antifreeze
(Ethylene Glycol) & our lecturers odd gait was due to hemorrhoids.
oh and the acronym for the processes needed to produce cotton yarn was BOCCSUAT.
BOCCSUAT = Breaking, opening, cleaning, combing, straightening, uniforming , attenuating and twisting,
Some textiles are itchy, and have been worn by other folks previously in my experience, and the compromise is, they are the wrong size.
lovely Pugs I knew you could do it with a little threatening!
I must confess i am guilty of turning on the machine and going off to the shops - I guess we all do it sometimes - but Pugsy I question if I may is Memsahib aware of your extensive knowledge of all things laundry matters and does she payi heed?
A young woman in Liverpool was so depressed that she decided to end
her life by throwing herself into the Mersey .
She went down to the docks and was about to leap into the freezing
water when a handsome young sailor saw her tottering on the edge of the
pier, crying.
He took pity on her and said, “Look, you have so much to live for. I’m
off to America in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my
ship. I’ll take good care of you and bring you food every day.”
Moving closer, he slipped his arm round her shoulder and added, “I’ll
keep you happy, and you’ll keep me happy.”
The girl nodded yes, after all, what did she have to lose? Perhaps a
fresh start in America would give her life new meaning.
That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat.
From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece
of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn.
Two weeks later, during a routine inspection, she was discovered by
the captain… “What are you doing here?” the captain asked.
“I have an arrangement with one of the sailors,” she explained. “I get
food and a trip to America , and he’s screwing me.”
“He certainly is,” the captain said. “This is the Birkenhead Ferry.”
Yassur,she is. Snot laundry per-se…I try to avoid that particular arena of expertise,thus retaining my hearing.
But the years spent making safe various articles/items of insidious nature required a certain knowledge of what/how.
Plus,on demob,becoming manager of four recycling depots.
You would not believe how unrealising certain people are,regarding the differences between toxics/toxins and flammables/explosives. BUT-it gives a chap summink t’do…
well I must say I take my hessian bag full of recyclables to the tip every week - but he [the said booker in of] said they just chuck it all on the same heap eventually!
You know your onions as they say Pug.
Reading Docholiday’s thread about not being able to use one arm reminded me of a young man who would have been in his late twenties at the time, as it’s more of a man only thing I thought it was better to tell you here, anyway he used to drink in a pub I went to for a while when I was younger. He had no arms and he sat at the bar all the time, he would raise the pint from the bar with a skilful movement of his mouth and teeth and then swallow, he never spilled a drop or let a glass fall, so the barman told me, I learned afterwards that he was born without arms.
Most of the times he was there his brother was with him, but if his brother was not with him everyone else in the bar would sit well clear of him as he would ask the nearest fella to come to the toilet with him to help him out, well what else could he do? all the wiggling and skill in the world won’t open your fly buttons.;-)
It is best to be armless in America, they have a “Zip” code.
there’s also a lot of R sholes over there too!
I never could figure out why Americans have a Zip Code, why would someone want a code on their zip? mine just opens and closes when needed, what happens if you’re in a hurry and forget the code combination? The Native americans had the right idea, a little cloth flap at the front and back for instant access. But enough of this nonsense.
I was supposed to feel very privileged today but I didn’t, persecuted would be more like it. I was in town to pick up a job from the daughter of an old employer of mine, she arranged to meet me in a swanky South side pub, I never feel comfortable in these places, give me the old spit and sawdust pubs any day. Anyway she is engaged to this chap who’s an Artist and he was with her, she introduced us and said his work was well known nationally, I never heard of him to be honest, he paints all things nautical, boats, yachts, anchors, waves and stormy skies, that sort of thing. Me being the gentleman that I am, and rest assured it is not easy when confronted with egoistic morons such as he, I never mentioned paintings out of courtesy, but it mattered not, he never stopped talking about the sea and his work, after half and hour I felt seasick me not being a great lover of boats and the sea. I had to wait until yerman went out to the jacks to get a word with the girl about what she wanted me to do, I put the sketch into me inside pocket and when he came out I did like the News of the World undercover brothel investigator used to do when it came to the crunch, made my excuses and left, well that’s what he said in the paper, tell that to the Marines, as our Americans cousins used to say.;-)
This guy enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks.
After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then he orders the bartender to prepare another double martini.
After he finishes that one, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini.
The bartender says, “Look, buddy, I’ll bring ya’ martinis all night long. But you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill.”
The customer replies, “I’m peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, then I know it’s time to go home.”
True, they all look terrific when you have a few on yeh.
That great Irish poet of the 6th century Shamus O’ Shannagh described the Months of January and February as the Limbo Months, everything is dead, nothing is growing, all things await rebirth. “There is a mossy damp green blanket covering the land and the sickness is rife” That last bit is a rough translation from the Irish.
How right he was, and if he had daytime TV back then he really would have something to moan about.
I was out in the back garden and the whole yard has a depressing damp look about it, dull with bits of green stuff forming on the edges of the stone slabs. not to mention the freezing cold, I hurried back into the house to the warm comfort of the open coal fire, I don’t care what anyone says, but you can’t beat a real fire in Winter.
I s’pose you’s all know ‘zip’ code is ‘zone improvement plan’,yes?
Ok…so who buggered their ‘improvement plan’ up?
I mean,C’MON…have you had a close look at Harlem,Queens,Detroit,Chicago or even 'Frisco? HMM?
Nahhh…those durned colonials-alla same-big ideas,tiny capabilites.