Impressive reading there Jem. From molehills to wormholes …to testicles.
Lot to cogitate on there
So the colds are doing there rounds…Fear not… to save you ringing that bell there are some old remedies you could try.
To ward off illness make yourself an yourself an attractive necklace made of onions and wear it help absorb the germs from your body. (You might prefer the less dramatic option and opt for making onion tea instead )
Or how about about the good old English Dirty socks and Lard scarf treatment…This calls for massaging lard onto your neck and then wrapping it up in dirty socks. :shock:
(The actual benefits of this one are a tad questionable but at least it will be a warning sign for those around you that you’re infected.)
Naturally there are two sets of testicles on a worm Spitty, a set at each end, how else are they to reproduce when cut in half? ;-)
Have you never heard that old saying “God provides to make the lesser equal” doesn’t matter how big or small one is, the one with the right tools gets the job done.
“Oh to find me a Wormhole, where I could travel through space
To get off this greedy old Planet, and find me a far better place
And as I wriggle my way through it, without a worry or care
I wonder who will greet me, when I finally arrive there.”
With my luck it would probably be the early bird, ah well, that’s what you when you act the maggot.
I’m suffering in silence here sitting in the armchair, I’m trying not to mention my ailment Solo, but those suggestions sound more like a cure for the black death than a common cold, thanks but no thanks I’ll stick to me aspirin, cloves, and lemon all in a glass of hot whiskey, I’ve had three already and I’m beginning to feel wonderful, yes quite wonderful indeed, hic!
The daughter comes in from town today saying she got a great bargain in one of the shops, it was a lovely sky blue jumper and it looked good on her when she put it on to show me. Then came the usual guessing game “How much would you say I paid for it dad?” “I wouldn’t have a clue” said I in all honesty “Only 29.99 euros” says she. Why couldn’t she say 30 euros? nobody takes the one cent back, it’s humiliation to a customer and the shops know full well it is, but they still use it all the time.
If a comedian tells the oldest joke in the world someone will laugh, if a trader applies the oldest selling trick in the book, like “Only $29.99”, folks will still think they are saving a dollar, if a politician at election time promises the sun moon and stars some will actually believe him/her.
It never fails, oh yes some get the message but others never will, we have learned nothing from history except dates, each generation keeps falling for the same old tricks.
People remember the dates alright, but never the lessons that matter or the mistakes that were made, we seem to be doomed to repeat history forever.
I used dollars in that example because there is no pound or euro signs on this wireless 8 inch long keyboard, it’s Chinese made for the American market, smashing little board all the same and goes forever on 2 AAA batteries, it comes with a rubbery plastic cover that’s easily washed and covers the keyboard while in use, keeps it in pristine condition as you can see, we all know how dirty keyboards can get and how awkward they are to clean without getting them wet. It came with a matching mouse and cost 14 euros three years ago, best keyboard investment I ever made, who needs the pound or euro sign when one can just type pounds or euros in.
Reading about old currencies I just found out that the Sumerian word for beer was “cash”, and the Dupondius was a Roman coin equal to two asses. Now I’ve heard that two heads are better than one, but two asses? and just at a time when toilet rolls are becoming as scarce as hens teeth.;-)
Did you know Richard III was 58 and not 32 when he died? How did they know that? When they dug him up in 2015 to rebury him in Leicester Cathedral they found a date up his backside.
This penny short of a pound has always struck me as fiddly and bothersome and I did once ask for the reasoning behind it. I was quite surprised that before the psychology of fooling us that something was cheaper kicked in it was originally to do with honesty.
There was a fear that something priced at a £1.00 would result in the cashier pocketing the money…whereas a 99 pence item would mean that they would have to open the register and give a penny in change. Few cash registers printed receipts back then.
Fair enough but still grates…bit like ‘Its only worth something till you try to sell it’.
A few years ago I was given a bright shiny 50 pence in my change which showed poor old Harold trying to dislodge that arrow from his eye at the Battle of Hasting cock up. Feeling sentimental for poor old Harold I popped it into the middle bit of my purse where I keep the lucky penny you always get when given a new purse…and there it has stayed.
This week I read they are bringing out new 50 pence coins to celebrate bringing out the new 50 pence coins and how much some are now worth. This is where good old Harold pops up again as he has made it onto the value list and is apparently worth a mint because of rarity… no doubt caused by old girls like me sentamentally popping them into there purse side pockets.
This all looks wonderful …until I try to sell him and then some coin dealer will peer over his magnifying glass…tut tut…shake his head and say “these Harold 50 pences coins are 10 a penny” and then seeing my obvious disappointment offer me tuppence for him.
Funny how some things devalue so quickly isn’t it.:shock:
Did try this Mags as I have a similer keyboard as Jem but all I got was the ping so tried Ctrl + Alt + 4 and that worked for the sign €. Ta muchly
Found this for you
The £ symbol derives from a capital “L”, representing libra pondo, the basic unit of weight in the Roman Empire, which in turn is derived from the Latin word, libra, meaning scales or a balance.
Fair play to you Mags! I pressed the ALT key and the 2 key and up came the €, I’ll keep trying to find the pound, or perhaps it’s drifting because of the “B” thing, maybe when it settles I’ll find it.;-)
Thanks a million.
Yes Spitty some of the “B” sides are better than the “A” sides, I believe Cliff Richard has a new single out, “I Love You” on the “A” side and “Kiss Me” on the backside. I have all my music on a hard drive now, that’s what I miss about the old 45’s, I used to have such flippin’ fun.
Solo I remember when they brought out a new ten shilling piece here in 1966 to commemorate the 1916 rising, it featured Padraig Pierce on the face and the usual harp on the other side, it had a high silver content and was very heavy. The first to receive these were the folks on the dole, sort of test pilots for the new coins, I remember in the pub one night a chap came in and asked for a pint, he produced one of these coins and the barman refused to accept it, I offered the fella a ten shilling note for it and I still have that coin to this day, it’s in mint condition and worth a few quid I believe.
This leaflet came through the letterbox from the post office last week stating there was a new stamp out with Phil Lynott on it, when Phyllis went to get some at the local post office on Monday morning they were sold out.
She still has two George Best Northern Ireland fivers that she got in Belfast a few years ago.
George Best…now there is a name to conjure with. I was fortunate to be able to watch him play a number of times and was always awed by his control and skill with the ball…totally mesmerising to watch.
Fame/popularity is an odd thing in all walks of life…some get it without trying whilst others do their darndest and never achieve it. Always think fame is handed out to those that have no idea what to do with it or are not mentally equiped to deal it.
Either way George sadly went the way of many a famous person before him but oh the memories of that dimple and those twinkling eyes will always stay with me…so scuse me whilst I have a few moments with him
Ah yes, there was only one Georgie Best God be good to him.
Strange when Winter starts off everyone starts to complain about their ailments, it’s the same year after year, all the great advances in medicine over the decades seem to had made no difference to some people. I’ll be getting it every time I go up to the local until next Summer, then it’ll be the heat.
I’m usually a very sympathetic person, but some people seem to enjoy telling you their woes, it’s like by telling you that you should feel guilty because you haven’t got what they have.
“How are yeh Billy?”
“I’m grand, if it wasn’t for me auld shoulder, it always acts up in the cold weather”(he rubs shoulder with a painful look on his mug)
“How’s it going Peter?”
“Terrible, can barely walk with the auld gout” (rubs all down his left leg with both hands till he reaches the foot, then releases the painful look)
I often wonder about older people dating, what do they talk about on a night out?
I suppose an old lad could go on a date with a female who has the same complaint and have a great time talking about it all evening, older folks just love talking about what ails them, except me of course, I always suffer in silence as my good woman will testify, who knows when one is with a fellow sufferer it might even lead to a steamy conversation about gallstones and haemorrhoids.
I’m not being rude, blame the TV, they’re always telling us to “Lets talk about leaky bladders” and the stuff that turns the wet into jelly, jaysus what a giant leap for mankind that is, so instead of having wet knickers the ladies can now have jelly knickers, talk about choosing between the devil and the deep blue sea.
Lights in the street,
Peeping through curtains drawn.
Rattling of safety chain taking too long.
The smile in your eyes was never so sweet before
Came down from the skies
To cry you a song.
Some of these semi personal ads do border on the gringeworthy. I do like the chap dancing on the stairs cos he’s managed to get his leg over thanks to Viagra as it’s simple and says just what it needs but these leaky bladders demos make you shudder. You also wonder how far these ads will now go to sell a product.
They don’t demo how that chap got his leg over so why demo the glass of water miraculously turning into jelly so doing it’s bit for us leaky women.Some things are best left to the imagination arn’t they!
Clackmannanshire reminds me of another place. For years whilst living overseas I wanted to visit Stoke D’ Abernon. Don’t ask me why but I had somehow got a vision stuck in my mind of a beautiful historic and romantic place where knights and damsels once lived and roamed ( no internet info back then to bring me down to earth). To be fair there were a few raised eyebrows and knowing smiles when declaring my intentions but nobody deterred me in any way.
Eventually on my return I asked for a detour so I could fulfill this long held wish and again nobody said anything and finally we arrived at Stoke D’Abernon…only I had blinked… and missed it. We were through it in the blink of an eye and to say I was shocked to see my long held thoughts come to nought is putting it rather mildly. My friends laughter… who knew the place in my imagination did not exist…still rings in my ears as does the disappointment I felt at such a romantic name failing so badly.
Shakespeare wrote ‘What’s in a name? that which we call a rose By any other name would smell as sweet’…well in my case at the time it was’t so sweet :shock:
I never had a hankerin to visit any place in particular.
Lovely American expression that “hankerin’, wonder why it never caught on over here like “Guys” and “Movies” did. “Swell” never became popular over here either, “Eleanor gee I think you’re swell” Say that to a Dublin girl and she’d wallop yeh, “How dare you insinuate I’m pregnant!”
I do love all the different cultures.
Tis sad when one’s dreams are shattered. I know how you must have felt solo.
I remember as a child seeing an ad in one of the American Dell Comics for a whole battalion of toy soldiers all for $2, they looked magnificent fighting on the battlefield in the ad, I saved and scraped for months to get the money and the postage to send away for them, when they finally arrived in a brown packet there was a clear plastic bag inside containing 50 soldiers made from a mucky green plastic! no colour, and it was hard to tell one from the other, I was shattered.
Nothing in that line will ever replace the old handpainted lead soldiers, these monstrosities were an insult to any soldier. That may have been the beginning of my hatred of plastic.:twisted:
A lot of folks are deficient in the Hankerin department and, apparently depart without much fuss and ado, what’s that all about, some stuff is funny, but that is serious.
Hankering was close enough to Hanky to bring on a smile although I doubt if you chaps had to put up with what we girls did.
I was forever losing my hanky and hair ribbons although the pocket in our navy knickers ensured the precious ‘just in case’ penny always stayed safe…unless of course you did a few cartwheels on the way to school.
No matter how tightly tied, hair ribbons were always a bit of a lost cause but hankies were different as they could be nailed to your chest so to speak. If you lost your hanky you had to be shamed …dead simple. No pinning it discreetly either. It was pinned on your front dead centre so all and sundry could see you were a loser.
Americanisms, Irishisms, Scottishisms, Welshisms and anythingelseisms…always been fascinated as to why we all don’t speak or sound the same. One of those thoughts that just sits there without rhyme or reason
I’m always amazed that nowadays people freely talk about sex, bodily functions, gender uncertainties, in fact anything that was strictly taboo when I was young, is openly discussed in all the media now, we are even encouraged to talk about these subjects, it’s considered healthy to do so, whether that’s a good thing or not only time will tell, but as we all know this has been tried out before in civilisations since civilisation began, and funny enough the “anything goes” approach never lasted long, Sodom and Gomorrah didn’t work out did it? :-), seems we never learn from the past attempts to create a perfect society, no such thing in my opinion.
Yet if one dare mention the humble snot one is branded a disgusting pig, shock! horror! he mentioned THAT word! , strange when considering we all carry tissues and blow our noses, and we are not obliged to shield our noses with nose knickers or nose pants are we? We really can be a lot of self selecting hypocrites when we choose to be.
Those hard bits that lodge themselves in the upper regions of the nasal passage are a real bugger to realease aren’t they?
But I’ll say no more for fear of getting barred, should have stuck to leaky bladders, they’re quite acceptable and all the rage now.
Letters are in the news a lot lately.
“He gave his letter to the postman
Who put it in his sack
Bright and early next morning
He got an extension back”
Holy God is there no end to the bloody thing!
Now here’s the King when he was at his best, never a big fan but I always liked him singing this song.
, strange when considering we all carry tissues and blow our noses, and we are not obliged to shield our noses with nose knickers or nose pants are we? We really can be a lot of self selecting hypocrites when we choose to be.