Thank you Mags, Phyllis asked me to thank you too.
Thank you Solo.
I shall indeed impress that lot of rabble in the pub with my new found knowledge of “The remove”, talk about the beggar on horseback.
That’s fine Jem.
There is so much to do for us.
Sorry for your loss, I have had so many recently, I just need to get away.
Isn’t it nice to have met so many interesting people from all walks of life RJ, it creates a rich collection of memories one can call upon to add to topics when in conversation, as my old Dad used to say, there’s no better university than the public house.
Speaking of phones Sweetie, a lot of people are being buried now with their mobile phones, no kidding, what’s that all about?
I remember a few years ago when a friend of mine died suddenly, he worked all his life in Posts and Telegraphs, his lovely Wife Linda told me at the funeral parlour that she had put his phone into the coffin to be buried with him, I whispered to her that I hope he doesn’t ring her up in the middle of the night to say goodbye as he never got the chance before he fell off the transmitter mast.
I also told her that he would have no problems getting a signal as the big black car transporting the coffin was a Mercedes 5 Mega Hearse.
That is strange indeed Pug me lad. Buried twice eh?, maybe that’s what they mean by a double indemnity life insurance policy.
In all truth,Jem,I can think only that it was a ‘family’ only affair for his wallet.
Chris never saw hide nor hair of his crappy kids,nor his sister-yet the very DAY he died in bed,with Dave on side and myself the other…his piece-of-sh1t son arrived and was LOOTING the place! So ‘son’ and I had a [ahem] ‘quiet word’,regarding his trying to empty his father’s home of anything/everything worth a bob-OTHER than his father’s body,which required HIM to notify the authorities/hospital/funeral parlour,regarding the removal thereof…and he told me to ‘‘eff off,it’s got f/a t’do wiv you!’’
…which was the point at which he seemingly suddenly lost his balance and fell,breaking his nose. He WAS given every chance to admit what really happened…but he has MUCH more greed than courage,Jem.
What an ignorant son to have, no harm in teaching him a lesson in respect Pug me lad, he won’t forget that in a hurry, every time he blows his nose he’ll think of his dead father. ;-)
A little bird was telling me that you gave up smoking Sweetie, is that true? if so I take my hat off to you, not an easy achievement I can tell you, I’ve failed dozens of times in my lifetime.
I have however managed to cut down severely, but it has taken me over three years to do so, gradually lowering my intake of nicotine over that time, an old retired doctor friend of mine who smoked in his younger days and quit, advised me against stopping suddenly if I was a lifelong smoker, set a goal and stick to it says he, so that suited me much better.
I was smoking about 30 a day when in “full flight”, I have now managed to reduce that to 5 per day, 5 a day was my original goal and I’m happy I managed that, I have no wish to reduce my intake any further as I really enjoy my 5 a day as it is.
Having a smoke is a real treat now, whereas I was just smoking for the sake of it before, I feel like that writer fella in the film “Misery”, when he finishes off a book and types ’the end” it’s his special treat then to lay back in his armchair, pour a glass of 14 year old whiskey, and light up a single cigarette, pure heaven. (I could have my films mixed up, but I’m almost sure it was James Caan in “Misery”)
I still consider myself a smoker. I just haven’t had a cigarette for 15 years …
Never a day goes by when I don’t think of lighting up, but it doesn’t bother me anymore thankfully.
Well done Bread! Smoking is a very hard nut to crack.
Thanks for being honest about considering yourself as being a smoker still, most of those I know who quit are worse at criticising smokers than those who never smoked.
We were talking about artificial limbs in the pub last night, and how much the technology has improved over the years, one of my drinking pals had his leg removed recently and is being fitted for a new leg, a prosthetic limb I believe is the correct term.
We were only kids when my Dad lost the first two digits of an index finger on his left hand in an accident on the railway, he was devastated as he was fond of playing his banjo and his accordion, pity they didn’t make prosthetic fingers back then, who knows what musical gems we all missed, or perhaps spared if his singing was anything to go by, God rest him.
I got curious so I looked it up.
Charles Gillingham was probably the first person to make artificial limbs on a commercial basis, he recalled in his diary how, when he made his first limb, an arm for a soldier who lost it in the Boer War, the soldier took one look at it and said in disgust, “Is that supposed to be an arm?, it looks pathetic!” Gillingham was a bit deaf and thought he said prosthetic, the name stuck and artificial limbs were known forever after as “Prosthetic limbs”
Well that’s my explanation and I’m sticking to it. 
Did you know Cinderella’s brother, a chap called Pete Ashe, had a wooden leg? , he was also bald.
As the Ugly Sisters were preparing to go to the ball he asked one of them for the loan of a dress (Pete was also gay) so he could go too, she would not hear of it. “Well what shall I go as then” said Pete with a tear in his one eye. “Get a tin of Golden syrup from the pantry, pour it over your baldy head, then stick your wooden leg up your arse and go as a toffee apple, problem solved”
Hmm…aren’t relatives of important figures always slightly acidic,Jem…
Re smoking-I happily chug my pipe,as I get solitary time and I’m here with my guitar,laptop and pipe. I have NO intention of giving up-SOD all the ‘‘You’ll live longer & healthier’’ stuff. I’ve been shot,stabbed,blown-up and had IED’s cause minor but annoying injuries…and I’m still here. Even Satan is cacking himself at the thought I might soon arrive and throw him out of my seat!
Pug, sounds like you are short of a Drum.
I have a set,mate! My kit tends to throw people off,because everyone thinks they can drum [as,no doubt,you know]…but my kit is set up for me-and I,am a ‘sinistral’! [cue eerie,evil laughter diminishing into the distance]
bumped
I was wondering what the next big breakthrough in new technology will be?, or have we reached the limit now and it’s downhill from this on out?:shock:
I believe the last of the three little green lads they had locked up in Roswell since the 1950’s passed away two years ago, rest his flowery soul, they squeezed a lot of stuff from them fellas over the years, the DNA procedure, flat TV screens, internet, etc., all were thought impossible before they got their greedy hands on these clever lads from wherever. notice how it suddenly all dried up? no new sensational gadgets since.
God bless the brave little fella, he held out till the very end and would not reveal the formula for anti gravity, Lord help us if he gave them that one, they’d be off like a light contaminating every planet they landed on. ;-)
We are all doomed.
Pressure pressure, the World’s under pressure
We all want something that’s new and fresher
But this is as good as it gets, all has been invented
Still we are not happy or contented
With smokeless bars and electric cars
Black hole sightings and rockets to Mars
Robot hoovers to clean your floor
We don’t have to move our butts anymore
Just ask Google for anything you need
Turn your dead body into garden feed
The time has come for humans to step back
While robots take over and have all the craic.
Ah,but,Jem,please don’t forget;
the quickest way to Mars hasn’t been revealed yet!
It’s ok for those yanks to get all pleased with themselves and snotty
but even now nobody knows how to ‘‘Beam me up,Scotty’’!
…and as for being chuffed with the atomic bomb,
the Zika virus came AND went,with a certain aplomb!
It took out many people,made others too weak to speak
-and when that can be done with micro viruses,is it atom bombs we seek?
Mate,don’t think for a moment that humans messing with tech is done;
the buggers won’t be be happy 'till they’ve killed all humans-every single one!
Indeed Pug, will we never get the message that in order to survive we have to learn to get along with each other.
You mentioned hell and old Nick the other day Pug, got me thinking of the old days and how the missionary priests would scare the life out of us with their tales of eternal damnation and fire, “Miserable sinners, how dare you cringe in the shelter of the almighty, ye are all doomed to hell…”
Old Nick seems to be getting lazy now, there was a time when he had to go out looking for customers, tempt them with three wishes if they sold him their souls, offer them a life of riches, wine women and song if they just signed on the dotted line, remember all the old films that were based on selling ones soul to the devil? alas all that’s gone now, sin has never been healthier than it is today, hell is bursting at the seams, temptation doesn’t work anymore, it’s only a reminder of a sin you forgot to commit, people just go out and do it anyway.
I hear Old Nick has applied for planning permission for an new wing to be added on, whereas heaven is on the verge of closing down for want of new customers.
Nick is too old and tired to handle it any longer so he’s sold off the business of collecting wicked souls to a new enterprising company run buy his eldest son Zippo, you’d be surprised how many people enjoy pain confusion and prolonged suffering, just take a glance at the Brexit threads and you’ll get an idea of what I mean.;-)
Well why not? greedy companies never stop thinking of ways to part you from your few bob, just look at the fella freezing bodies until a cure is found for whatever killed ya, and the woman who want’s to turn us into miracle grow for the garden, for a price of course.
On the other hand heaven is practically empty now and is looking for members, watch out for special offers coming soon from his reps on Earth, something like the old days when one could buy indulgences to guarantee your place in heaven.
Jem, what an excellent piece of prose.
You are the new Alistair Cooke.
The BBC has put an archive of Alistair Cooke’s Letter from America on the internet, bringing the longest running talk show of its kind to a new generation of listeners. Cooke broadcast his first of 2,869 “letters” in 1946 and missed only three weeks before retiring in 2004, a month before his death at the age of 95.1 Nov 2012
The mention of Zippo reminds me that I have a box of them all with Naval emblems on the front…ie USS Oklahoma City, USS Entertprise etc which I shamelessly purloined from American sailors who were willing to part from them for the price of a kiss.
The Zippo lighter has an interesting history and the Zippo lighter’s tough design made it a favorite among soldiers, and the company cleverly played up this durability in its postwar advertising. A 1960 print ad recounted a story from a retired fish and game officer about a local fisherman who caught an 18-pound pike in a New York lake, only to discover a Zippo in its stomach. To the fisherman’s amazement, the lighter lit on his first try.