Sorry to intrude Lads,but just wanted to say Hi to Jem…You’ve been missed 
Jem, you are as welcome back as the 7th cavalry were at the battle of the Little Big Horn. Custer’s Last Stand? I don’t think I have that right.
It’s been dreadful in here while you’ve been away. Folks trouncing and flouncing off, coming back
Then verbal diarrhoea, esoteric nonsense, and some moments of pure distilled wisdom.
Funny you should mention Moses cos a forebear of mine rejoiced in that name .
Moses Phythian of Liverpool married Ellen Ashton, they had Joseph, who had William (my grandfather, & William had William 2 my dad, who had Robert 7 (me)
My family came from Ireland originally as did my nurse Gillians lot. My paternal (then maternal line) cometh from Cornwall in about 1750.
Sad to tell, my surname will die with me, a vast majority of females have caused this, my son has had all girls and my grandson’s mother has married a European.
Ah yes RJ, poor old General Custer got his comeuppance that fateful day, a great day for the native Americans though.
Thank you for your kind words May.
Me poor head is spinning trying to read all the stuff about the new rules, I’ll just leave it to the experts to sort it out, I don’t envy them, this place is getting more like the Jerry Springer show, I’ll just keep me nose clean in the meantime.:shock:
A strange kind of folk we have in a forum
Plenty of laughs and tantrums galorum
Most like the smooth but can cope with the rough
While others get sulky and march off in a huff
A few say good morning and so too goodnight
And more hack away with the occasional bite,
Some wish others well I’m happy to say
While there are those who wouldn’t bid you the time of the day
Then you have folks who try hard for a reaction
So the innocent who answers is driven to distraction
We’ve had trolls, moles, and even lost souls
From folks riding bikes to others driving Rolls.
So whether your a snob or working down the docks
Remember we all end up in a big wooden box.
The thing is, you never really get to know people do you, people are so complex and unique. Now take my wife, (go on go on your dying to say it, “I wish someone would”) only this morning she says to me that she wants to learn how to swim, she’s 71, what do you want to do that for at your age, it never bothered you before. I said to her. “Well me sister Eileen was telling me she learned last week and she’s two years older than me” “Go ahead then by all means if it makes you happy” I know in me heart and soul she has no intentions of taking lessons, I’ve been offering to teach her to swim since she was 15, but isn’t it strange how she can be so easily influenced by others? I always thought she was so independent all her life, you never really know with people do you?
That reminds me, I asked a diver friend of mine a question that always bothered me, why do divers always lean backwards when leaving the boat to go underwater? Because if they leaned forward they would still be in the boat. That makes sense I suppose.
Ah Jem, I enjoyed reading all that.
I have met folks from groups I belonged to back in the 1990s & was disappointed in the main with these pale shadows of their on screen personae. No doubt they felt the same. Having said that (& I stress no one in here comes into the category of paper tiger) I wonder how close we are to the truth in our posts.
I have in certain periods of my life played to the galleries in the guise of one of my Dissociative identity disorder muses.
I have no wish to spoil my mental picture of my chums in here by meeting up. I see one and all in a certain mould & don’t want to have again the shock of that eureka moment when I realised the literal situation when the Beverley Sisters crooned “I saw mummy kissing Santa Claus, underneath the mistletoe last night”
As Spitty would say.
"Its a puzzle wrapped up in a mystery wrapped up in an enigma.
WTF Santa is not a real person, I deplore the practise of deceiving children so grossly every year. What loving parent would encourage an obese old man to visit their kids during the night of 24th December. He’s not real.
Now the tooth fairy, thats another matter, she’s real.
PS Jem, new rules?
great poem !
Ahh-the old ‘izza line akshly a line’ question arises once again.
It’s surprising how often this question is asked,gummybear-and too often,by folk of superior intellect [smooth,eh?] who obfuscate their own ability to surmise the answer,by self-concocting variations of solidity.
In short,no,a line need not be flat,solid,or even observable as a physical entity. By definition,a line is a delineation. Ergo,all activities within,behind or abutting aforementioned delineation will be accepted as ‘within agreed/mutually acceptable boundaries’. Thus,one may refer to language,behaviour,sexual promiscuity,individual rationalities and the acceptances thereof [ie,religions and the practices therein] and accept that NONE of these will have a physical boundary. Or,one could gaze out into the sky and observe [for instance] the Sombrero Galaxy [in Virgo,should anyone g-a-s,which I doubt] In THIS instance,we have a globular mass…which is hollow! Because-it actually ISN’T a mass,but is in fact,billions of small galaxies,which,by graviational mutual attraction,have over millennia untold,formed what,from 28 million light-years away,looks like a ball…with a ‘disc’ around it. BUT-it isn’t. That ‘Line’ we spoke of has appeared in different form…THIS time in ‘mutual maximum capacity’ ratio-which means that the centre of the Sombrero Galaxy is actually a supermassive Black Hole…and I do mean SUPER massive. It’s even bigger than Jem’s wallet! The ‘line’ in this case,is the minimum distance from maximum damage line. Every cluster and galaxy holds every other cluster and galaxy in position,by BEING IN position…and so the dance starts…but stay in line-or die.
However-iff’n y’just want to draw a line with chalk,or with a stick in some sand…then no,the line does NOT have to be either straight OR flat. In fact-it won’t be.
[oops…sorry…carry on,chaps-I’ll go away-in a straight line.[although,it won’t be,due to curvature,geodesic shift,polarities of elements differing and a few other factors I promise I’ll stfu about!!!]
ello we need some FRESH blood on here a Jem full will do!
It 's not as obfusgate as it first appears.
A flat line may be dotty as it is in my post, rather a flat line as when someone turns off a life support machine.
Doctor: Where are you going?
Hancock: To have my tea and biscuits.
Doctor: I thought you came here to give some of your blood!
Hancock: You’ve just had it.
Doctor: But this is just a smear!
Hancock: It may be just a smear to you, mate, but it’s life and death to some poor wretch!
Hancock: How much do you want then?
Doctor: Well, a pint, of course?
Hancock: A pint? Have you gone raving mad? […] I mean, I came here in all good faith, to help my country. I don’t mind giving a reasonable amount, but a pint? Why, that’s very nearly an armful!
Good to see you back in the helm Jem 
actually pugsey bro all I wanted was a short straight answer - no need to go whizzing around the stars and back and that very unkind remark
It’s even bigger than Jem’s wallet!
I think his non-swimming missus would not only agree but no doubt add and it sucks up his Irish pound notes like a black hole - he can never find one when I need one!
Quote. “It’s even bigger than Jem’s wallet”
My wallet is is excellent shape at present and the wife is on cloud nine, she’s off shopping now with the daughter. I freely admit I was handsomely rewarded for my month of confinement, cut off from the rest of the World, in fact I could now do six months of solitary on my head, it certainly pays to concentrate on one’s work. That reminds me, I must go polish my halo, order a few boxes of cigars, and then restock my cellar with port.;-)
One ring I had to make was for a wealthy middle aged lady, it was her own design and she wasn’t bad at sketching either, it’s handier to work with a good sketch, it was a single stone 3 carat diamond which is about the size of the head on a drawing pin, she had buried two rich husbands over the years and inherited all their money, i was told all this by the middle man, she wanted two snakes in platinum with tiny rubies as eyes on the shoulders of the ring looking up at the diamond, she was delighted to have “The two miserable bastards” (her words for the husbands) finally under her thumb, Christ almighty some women can be very cruel, I was tempted to put a curse on the ring but changed me mind when I saw the cheque, traitor to my sex that I am.
just watched Johanna Lumley present the rise and fame of Elvis - what a fantastic show she gets to interview his wife BUT not daughter [did she die?] and old school friends and visit his first recording studio etc. better than just visiting gracelands fascinasting but also very sad he died in his 40’s of over-eating and drugs! oh and a broke marriage!
If I knew you were going to post about cooking I’d have baked you a cake.:-D:
I have to agree with you dough about the baking shows Pug, big deal making a cake, me granny made thousands of lovely cakes in her day and she wasn’t looking for any medals either, just thank her and say it was lovely, which they all were, and she’d be over the moon.
I can boil delicious eggs and make mouth watering toast, that’s about it, but only when the wife is out as she won’t let me mess about in ‘Her” kitchen, quite right she is too, she don’t mess about in my shed, result= peace and harmony.
Yebbut-just keep in mind,Jem,that it’s HER vacuum cleaner only until it requires unblocking…and it’s YOUR shed only until your goddess decides it’s perfect for putting boxes in. Usually sellotaped,knackered cardboard boxes filled with stuff you haven’t seen-or used-for years,that DARE you to try lifting them without them collapsing. And if you do manage to move them out of your way,you will be informed [in case you were unaware] most vociferously of your total incapability to ‘leave things alone’…until the boiler suddenly goes tits-up,in which case SURELY you know boilers need maintenance,so why haven’t you got your tools [which are behind a stack of collapso-boxes] and fixed it yet? See?
THAT’S why Guinness was invented!
Guinness was only good, when mixed with Barley Wine, 50/50. Imo.
Ah someone mentioned my lovers name in vain.
My Cool Dark Friend. by Jem.
She’s tall and dark with a head of blonde
And years ago we formed a bond
We’re together whenever we can
She’s for me and I’m her man
I’m always happy when she’s around
Even happier when I let her down
She makes me laugh and sometimes cry
But we’re still in love, her and I
The other woman gets into a huff
Pity about her, that’s tough
She’s alway trying to keep us apart
Making me suffer and breaking my heart
I’m getting old now, but she’s always young
Cool and bitter, pleasing on the tongue
Oils your throat and all that’s in us
You just can’t beat a pint of Guinness.
oh you adulterous mon - guiness alone as Jem said - Barley wine alone - as I said but mixing them for goodness sakes laddie go and wash out ya mouth with drambuie shandies!
And now brought to you by the ministry of useless information.
Well well well, three coins and a fountain pen, the contents of the “Secret Painter” Yules Brocco’s pocket when he was found dead in a Paris attic in 1983. Strange World isn’t it, Brocco never sold a painting in his life and today no amount of money could buy one of his works, I think the Masons scooped them all up at rock bottom prices when they were first put up for auction in 1903. He worked as a civil servant until he was 43 then his heavy drinking lost him his job, he was chronically shy and never showed his work so nobody knew about him until 35 paintings were found in his lodgings when he died of liver failure. His “Reclining Banana on a Summers Evening” is priceless and is in the louvre but not on public display, one can however apply for permission the view it, I knew one of the porters from a holiday he spent in Dublin back in the 80’s so I managed to get a look at it when the wife and me were there many years ago, no photo’s allowed though, it depicts a yellow naked lady sleeping on a huge crimson fig leaf on a tropical beach, her body is banana shaped and her eyes are apples, a pleasant picture and easy on the eyes, sort of reminded me of Salvador Dali’s work but way before his time, maybe Dali wasn’t as original as we all thought he was, it measures about 6 feet high and 5 feet wide, not a lot of people know that.
By the way nobody knows who the model was for the banana lady, rumour has it she split before the painting was completed, sorry I couldn’t resist that.
All together now, in loving memory of Yules Brocco,
“Three coins and a fountain pen
Each one seeking happiness
Thrown by three hopeful lovers
Which one will the fountain bless”
Yes, the Banana Splits influenced my journey.