Thanks my lovely.
I was so scared last night!
Never had blood in my vomit!
But whatever they put in the drips, sorted me out.
He couldn’t. He was stood in the naughty corner, thinking about what he had done.
That’s the problem, when you get free milk, you can be Monitored.
Ah, a nude, er, new topic, and not of the chocolate variety.
Bottoms up!
… and I see we have a contender for the measurement of bottoms. Not just bowls, but handfuls as well. I think the hands is the much better version, as I like commonality. Fancy being able to measure bottoms and bras by using the same units.
We are back to the British Standard Handful aren’t we, although I think we are going to need a factor ten for the bottoms compared to the boob sizes. Of course, I am only speaking from my own experience. I appreciate that some might find the need to invert this factor where boob size exceeds gluteus maximus by a maximus amount.
Much as we have metres, centimetres, and millimetres, we will need to change from handfuls (bras) to deci-handfuls (bottoms) methinks, otherwise the numerical units will become cumbersome, much like some peoples’ bottom sizes.
Mine own bottom is still fairly pert, although possibly (probably) not so taught as it once was. 
Apparently it was an object of note when I was in my mid twenties. Well that is according to my Lovely Cousin who once told me she was about fourteen when she first noticed it and thought my rear view was “nice.”
I haven’t recently asked her what she thinks of it now, as I am concerned I may be disappointed by the answer.
Been thin, been Fat, the only constant is my bottom, it has resisted the pull of time, and circumstance, it is what it is, maybe a little Cheeky.
God you’ve got a sick and fertile mind RJ - more more!!
oh I can’t be arsed with all of this!
bottom in the morning
bottom in the evening
bottom at supertime
you’re my lovely bottom
and you waddle all the time!
bottoms up! have nice day ya all now!
Have we strayed off the main topic as usual or are we just at the bottom of it all?
I remember my wife telling me the first time she seem me au natural that I had a “nice bottom” when I asked her what she meant she said “ well most women don’t like men with flat bottoms cos their trousers always hang down at the back “ yours is just plump enough ! I’ve grown to love plumpness over the years!
I have some African friends and they have assured me that the men find large bottoms on the African women things of beauty – I have never understood how they become and are so big but there ya go they serve an important function in the evolutionary chain!
how about these four beauties? can you see the shear beauty in them all?
oh you poor thing - I think one of the things we sometimes forget when we go off on exotic hols abroad is that we cannot assume the standards of hygiene are high - they in many cases aren’t. Local people have built up resistance overtime but the holiday maker doesn’t have any.
every year there are numerous stories of food poisoning throughout SE Asia ; the Indian continent etc anywhere where the standards of the entire country is much lower than our own.
a salutary lession SP!
Watching the snow chaos on TV got me thinking about how unsuitable today’s vehicles are. I learnt to drive in an old crash box Jowett with an equally old masochistic driving instructor. If you stalled, you got out and you hand cranked like hell till the engine started, even if it broke your arm or knocked you off your feet.
Being of a dainty build, the idea of me pushing a heavy, solid as a rock Jowett and actually moving it was unthinkable which brings me to today’s vehicle problems. The materials now used are too lightweight to be of much use in snow or ice.
Lot to be said for those heavy built vehicles that just coped with bad weather and carried on regardless.
I admit I was wrong. There is no way that those bottoms can be measured by British Standard Handfuls, even if you have hands the size of shovels.
They most definitely need to be measured using units of bowls. In the instance of the two ladies depicted, I would suggest industrial mixing bowls.
I think they could make a fortune using their bottoms as moulds for the same devices.
How true. Now for a subject that could be classified as low fruiting branches
FGS why do the weather bods on tv refer to PRECIPITATION when they mean SNOW
It’s apparently all to do with those precipitating microbububbles Rj. Weather has gone the same way as those coffee ads that use fancy sounding names for those who just want a coffee. 
aw cum on there guys lay off the heavy hand on those weather reporters - 1. it can be a very boring job talking about a subject that will cause so much angst 2. they will never get it right for everyone - and 3 just saying sunny/wet/raining/snowing etc can be boring too so a few fancy words shows they may have been to university even!!
What about thems that never went to Uni nor them that have never heard of those precipitating thingies
‘P*****g it down’ or ‘Colder than a witches teat’ for example are understood well enough and are far more interesting to watch to see if they can be read out with a straight face .
… and what’s all this about me Aunty cycling over East Anglia? She can no more ride a bike than I can give birth, and she’s never even been to that part of the country.
… and troughs. Whul we aaavum dewn on thik varm, but up in the skoy? Nah, er bain’t be happening by here.
I am with you on this peaks and trough stuff. How very dare they mither us with that nonsense . I am all for avin the weather read in local dialect so we can understand it and begger the rest of the country. They have their own weather to be bothered about never mind our bit
Doesn’t a newsreader telling you “Thas gunna be a reet pea souper afore dark so best put feet up an stay ome cosy and warm our kid” sound much better than that precipitating mularky.
Whul ah. Thass wot I were used to when I lived in the shire of York, an dewn yer in thik Wess Cunry us aaaz a diffrunt whey o zpeakin, zo us should aave our whether zpoke too uz in thik zame accun az wot we do be zpeaking oorzeles, theess-know.
… and how dare auto carrot change theess to these or theses. Erz not Wurzel zpeak iz er?
Not ONLY that…but the pots of yoghurt I bought have the ‘h’ missing!
When I looked at the other brands…they ALL have the ‘h’ missing!
Suddenly ‘Yoe-gert’ [as those demned colonials pronounce it] has lost it’s identity!
Damnit-before you know it,we’ll all be saying “Contro-versy”!!!
HARRUMPH!
We gorra bit of snow here in Dublin, about 4 inches, and there’s a lot more to come including a blizzard, the government has issued a red alert and advised everyone to stay indoors after 4pm tomorrow. The weekly state pension will be paid tomorrow morning instead of Friday and the fuel allowance will be doubled for the week thats in it. All schools are closed as are government departments, no busses, no post, and no luas trams, Dublin will be a ghost town tomorrow.:shock:
Sorry for sounding like a newsreader but it’s me first time to see so much hassle over a storm and a bit of snow, folks are becoming very soft these days, a few months ago we had another red alert about a hurricane that was little more than a bad storm, what’s the world coming to.
I hate to say “back in my day” but on this occasion it’s warranted.
Before I became an apprentice I worked briefly as a messenger boy. I can remember as a 14 year old cycling 5 miles from the city centre with a basket full of christmas fare to the hill of Howth on a delivery, it was a Christmas Eve, pitch dark and the snow and wind was pelting into me angelic face all the way up that hill, and all for 15 bob a week.
When I laid the contents of my basket on the posh cow’s kitchen table, she just stood there as I had to place every item on the table for her inspection, she hadn’t the humanity to offer me a towel to wipe me face or even say thanks, as for a tip, in my dreams. Today grown men would not be asked to do that in bad weather, as I say we’re all getting soft, is that for the best I wonder?
When I got back to the shop (Home and Colonial) it was 8.45pm and the manager had another delivery ready for me, a turkey, this time it was just around the corner to the flats, when I got to the humble abode the woman brought me into the kitchen and gave me a towel to dry meself, then she cut a large slice of sponge cake and poured a tall glass of lemonade to wash it down, I was in paradise, as I was leaving she pressed a half crown into me hand and thanked me, just goes to show you the difference between the toffs and your own kind “Tight as a camel’s arse in a sand storm, that’s how they have it” as me granny used to say.