WE once had a beautiful group
with no limits to how low we we would stoop
we’d get sent for early baths
in our earnest quest for laughs
and end up in a bit of a soup
Now I’ve not had inspiration
gleaned from any considerations
In fact my life was boring
At groups I’d start to yawning
But today the world is great
I’m chomping to relate
how my life is on the up
since stopping any touch
of alcohol I must
say my fitness improves
my legs see how they moves
I feel some ideas coming
Look out boys Im humming
concentrate
on our fate
put out the sentries
to gather in our entries
for the Phoenix rises
Good comes in all sizes
It’s great to see you in extra high spirits RJ, although I have to say you always put your best side out, looking forward to some beauts to come from “The new you":-)
I was always under the impression that our “Learned friends” in the legal profession were intelligent people, but some of the things they come out with sound very stupid to my uneducated mind. Watching an old courtroom drama the other day and after the witness is finished giving his testimony the judge says “You may stand down now Mister Ryan” I can understand “Step down” but how does one stand down when one is sitting on a chair on a level floor?, first you have to stand up in order to walk away. I can stand up no problem, I could even stand for election, I could stand up for my rights and stand for what I am, I can take the stand too, but hard as I’ve tried I can’t for the life of me stand down, I have to sit down then stand up, when I try to stand down I try to keep me legs straight but me knees keep bending and I end up banging the floor with my backside, it’s impossible unless you had no legs, but then you couldn’t stand at all could you? bloody problems, I’m all for keeping things simple and if I was a judge I’d simply say “You may leave the seat now Mr. Ryan” is that too hard to say?
We pay these people enormous amounts of money to represent us unwashed miseries and to ensure justice is done, yet they wear funny looking old wigs, long black frocks and talk in riddles, sometimes using a dead language, they could be conversing with each other about next months Derby runners for all we know, if you are brave enough to ask one of them what’s going on or can you say something you are told in a very professional way to shut up, it’s nothing got to do with you it’s between me, the judge, and the defendants council, what kind of ejects are we I ask you. Who needs the death penalty anyway, having to deal with these learned friends is enough to put anyone off even thinking of murder, you’d never want to set foot in a courtroom again.:-)
I met a chap in the bar last night and he was a member of the legal profession, I asked him about the standing down thing, he said he was not at liberty to disclose court proceedings “We have a long standing rule about that” and he walked into the lounge with pink gin in hand. Foolish me for asking, I was left standing with me mouth open.:shock:
I get sick of watching all those ads for dying on the Talking Picture TV channel, just when I’m enjoying a good old film they remind you that you’re going to kick the bucket soon so make the best of it now and don’t leave it to your children to pay for your funeral, ”It can cost up to £20,000 you know” I sometimes think I’d like a State Funeral, just die and let the state pay to bury me.
The will also send you a free pen and a “Will Kit”, other companies will give you a gift of a small TV, what use is a small TV to a dead man?
I’m trying to imagine my ‘Free Will Kit’. The parcel arrives and I’m all excited as I tear off the packaging and open the box, in one compartment of the box there are two tiny figures wrapped in tissue paper, a card says “Mr.& Mrs Smith, your witnesses” the in another compartment two small chairs and a desk “The Solictor’s Office” lastly there’s the Solicitor himself, a smiling figure in a pin striped three piece suit and a bowler hat “Your Solicitor” There is also a leaflet explaining the rules. I’m thrilled and I call the wife “Lets play will making Dear”:-)
Yes, just stop, but always fool yourself that one day you will start again, like anything else, as time elapses, you just can’t be arsed, folks just Roll Up for advice.
Didn’t know you smoked RJ.
Afraid I can’t help, I tried everything when I was younger, but me lungs are still like bellows and I never had any breathing problems in me life, except the time I was drinking a pint and an old friend sneaked up behind me and slapped me on the back “Ah hello there Jem me bucko” I was gasping for breath for half an hour after that.
It’s too late for me to pack them in now, anyway and I do enjoy a smoke, I find as I get older I smoke less, I’m down to 15 a day now from about 30 five years ago, it just sort of naturally happened as I aged.
I used to hear folks say years ago that they smoked 60 cigarettes a day, that seems impossible to me, take out the 8 hours spent sleeping, then the time you spend washing and eating and theres about 14 hours left in the day, not to mention the times when you are doing something and can’t smoke. Churchill’s advertised that Churchill’s was the “15 minute Cigarette”, 4 an hour if you were a chain smoker, that’s 54 cigarettes, how then do they manage 60 a day?
One chap I knew used to stick a pin in the butts to get the last few drags, this was before the filter tips came out, he was a bit of an oddball part time inventor and he told me he was working on an asbestos lip shield so as he could smoke to the bitter end, never knew what happened to him, probably got asbestosis.:shock:
It is good reading all this stuff, on this site, I am finally happy to find out I am a simpleton, it does not worry me in the least, just now have to research the qualities required to become a Chav.
Juis suis back!
Yes,Unst is still there and yes,Saxa Vord is stiil MAGICAL.
Right-smoking. I have absolutely NO qualms about smoking my pipe. NONE. I get arseaches giving me ‘whinge whinge’ regarding ‘anti-social behaviour’ and ‘consideration for others’ and all the bullshit that goes with it. Smoking may kill me. Oh,REALLY? So,the IRA,the Argies,the Russians in Afghanistan [1980 for those of you with short memories],the Mozambique Factionists,the Drug Cartels and/or ANY of the ‘devices’ I made safe during my uniformed years,COULDN’T ,hmm? It gets RIGHT up my hooter when some pansy primping mincing prat tries to give me a hard time because I smoke…You really cannot envisage how fast I go from ‘genial helpful convivial chap’ to ‘bad-tempered unstoppable extremely violent Viking’. I do NOT kiddy-fiddle. I have NEVER had an affair. I have NEVER stolen. I have NEVER beaten up a handicapped orphan. I have NEVER used a vehicle in untaxed or illegal condition on public roads. I have MANY times helped old ladies with shopping,onto/off a bus,holding doors,et al. It’s been WEEKS since I nailed a kitten to the ceiling. FAR too many times I’ve attended the funeral of a service-mate,for whom ‘one device too many’ came true. I have 16 artificial parts in my body,titanium and ceramic,mostly…due to my own ‘one too many’…and if/when some uppity prick gets in my face regarding my pipe,then yes-all Hell can and will let be loose!
I smoke a pipe and it may kill me-but if I wait,so will breathing. I’d rather go out 70 and happy than 98 in a nappy.
I’m glad to hear that Spitty, I will never forget the first time I realised I was a true blue simpleton. I had been out for a stroll along the Quayside on a beautiful Bank Holiday Monday evening, suddenly I was overcome by an unmerciful thirst and I quickly sought out the nearest quenching depot, not a hard task as the Quays are littered with pubs. I plonked meself down in corner seat in an old but very clean pub called “The Scotch House”, long gone now but very well known and frequented by all the literary heads from the Abbey Theatre, The Royal, and nearby Trinity College, way out of me depth I was but I wasn’t fussy, I just wanted a quiet pint.
I was halfway down on me second pint when this well dressed middle aged fella walked over and sat beside me, he had a silk cravat around his skinny neck with a ‘Diamond’ stud in it, I took one look at it and knew straight away that it was only a cheap spinel and no way a diamond. It wasn’t long before he started talking about acting and plays that he was in, throwing names about the place like confetti. “Larry and I actually sipped in the same corner here after we played the last night of “The Scottish Play” at the old Royal, he’s such a dear man, not a bit like Dickie who gets nasty after a few gins” When he noticed I wasn’t clinging to his every word he would break his speech and explain as if to a child, that Larry was Sir Lawrence Olivier and Dickie was Sir Richard Attenborough, the Scottish play was Hamlet, but real actors never say the name of it, he would then lie back in the chair and wait for a reaction, he was left waiting, eventually he copped on that his words were wasted on me and got up to approach another poor unfortunate who had just sat down at the far end of the bar. When he left and peace was restored again I realised that I was a simpleton, some things you are better off not knowing about otherwise you can get stuck with intelligent fellas like him all night, the true meaning of that old saying made sense to me that day, yes my friends ignorance is bliss.:-)
