Nice to see you back on top form lads, well it is one of your favourite topics after all.;-)
Now there’s a thought, imagine a man who’s farts smelled of roses and lavender posies.
We had a very popular singer here in the 1960’s/70’s called Dickie Rock,(funny enough that was his real name) actually he came from my area and he really had a good voice, anyway all the girls adored him and when he’d visit the area they would hang around his old house waiting for him to come out, when he appeared at the door they would swoon and shout “Spit on me Dickie”
Now a fella who smelt like a rose would be just as popular with the ladies, only they would shout “Fart on me Dickie”
Reminds me of an old film clip I saw on TV in the late 60’s. A black American woman was being interviewed, she was in the news because her toddler son was sent home from school because he was “Very smelly” She tells the reporter “I’s a good mother, I sends ma son to school to be lernt not to be smelt, he ain’t no rose” Priceless I thought. 
My dear chaps…
…a fart,is a whisp of inner essence
selflessly shared with the world.
A breath of internal configuration
given freely,‘complexity unfurled’.
For when expelling such gas,
inner truths are revealed;
'though it be by expostular means.
Non-melliflous expulsion
can cause great revulsion;
voiced as ''Bloody Hell mate-you been eating beans?!?"
Boys oh boys, you certainly know how to make a meal of the humble fart.
I’m wondering would yez all be so quick to write poems about lourve. Love and farts make strange bedfellows, both are never mentioned in the same breath, well here’s a first.
Love is a many splendid thing, it’s hard to keep lovers apart
Crown it with a diamond ring, and you’ll never hear her fart.
The ladies don’t fart you see, they hold it all in, don’t be too surprised if you hear a loud explosion in the bathroom one of these days.
It is no laughing matter, having to have to have a Fart induced.
I do believe you are winding us up a little Jem
Ohhhh,Jem,me ol’ mucker,did y’not know?..
A fart is no more than expression of love,
TRUE love,that none can deride.
For only real TRUE love
could 'er take the stress,
of NOT holding your feelings inside!
For TRUE love is the freedom,
both gifted and born,
by both parties who just ne’er want to part.
So,one has a roll-up,to go with that pint
…and the other has a bubbly wet fart.
For THIS is the truth that for so long we seek,
an errant wee truth overlooked;
for t’was not her big boobs nor the size of his wallet;
Nope - one wet fart in unison…they were hooked!!!
It’s best for everyone to have a Blow Out, once in a while, it helps clear the Air.
Shahirah Sulaiman
Misery
Here I sit with a broken heart
Tried to shit but could only fart
There I go, going “damn my luck!”
But what can I do?
A fart is still a fart.
Could be worse RJ, I.E when one tries to Fart, but ends up Shitting, much to the amusement of any onlookers!
Yes Spitty, someone wrote about this very situation, in song
Here are the 1st & 2nd verses
The other 12 are much too " earthy" for tender ears, as found in general chat/discussions & other less frivolous corners to read
E T TARYN SOUTHERN LYRICS
Taryn Southern Lyrics
“I Think I Farted”
s
We’re at a party, I’m feeling farty
So I say I need to make a phone call
I look around and without a sound
I quietly fart on the wall
I think I’m in the clear until you appear
There’s nowhere for me to hide
You say, “What’s that smell? It stinks like Hell”
As if a small animal just died
there’s too much fartin goin on about here - I thinks we need so odour cologne?? bring on the sprays
Ode to an Odour
they sprayed them here
they sprayed them there
under arm and everywhere
but still the odour lingered on
I wonder where it was coming from?
it tumbled and it rumbled
through many feet of colon
and finally just exploded
I’m glad I had my draws on!
Nice one Gummy.
In the posh part of Dublin (Dublin 4) they don.t fart, they fort, and they get morried, their high grade coal is delivered in sex.
And now for a breath of fresh air before I faint from the smell.
When we were kids my brother and me would often see who who could stay awake the longest, I always won by the way, even if I fell asleep at school the next day, but that didn’t matter, with 50 kids in the classroom nobody noticed.
I find now that I love my sleep at night, can’t do the daytime nodding off thing though. I used to wonder what the record was for staying awake and now thanks to google I know. Wonder what the record for staying awake in the house of lords is…15 minutes?
“Randy Gardner (born 1949) is the holder of the scientifically documented record for the longest a human has intentionally gone without sleep not using stimulants of any kind. In 1964, Gardner, a high school student in San Diego, California, stayed awake for 264.4 hours (11 days 24 minutes)”
Well done Randy, that’s some feat.
Sorry lads, but it doesn’t say how many times he farted in that 11 days and 24 minutes.
I actually hold the record for that.
All this stuff about wind?
Please now chums, rescind rescind
there must be something much more wholesome than flatulence
Let’s consider employing a dose of , common or garden, commonsense.
Think of things higher and pure
flowers and little lambs
frolicking.
If it’s a VINYL record, keep hold of it, soon it’ll be worth it’s weight in gold.
I didnt make this up, I have just been told.
seriously though for another minute - there are quite a few people who live among us who need very little sleep each 24hr cycle - say 1-2 hrs per day or night - I wonder whether they have the edge on us or we on them?? - right now as I rise above the three score years and ten I am having some amazing dreams both spiritual and just romantic - I’d hate to miss them not sleeping and having my rem time!
[QUOTE=gumbud; right now as I rise above the three score years and ten I am having some amazing dreams both spiritual and just romantic - I’d hate to miss them not sleeping and having my rem time!
Funny you mention that Gummy, I was on about that a while ago. I’ve been having some fantastic dreams meself lately, all happy ones and very enjoyable and I hate it when the alarm clock blasts me back to reality in the mornings. There are some beautiful colours that I’ve never seen in real life in the dreams, impossible to describe them, but they give out a glow of perfect peace and joy, call me what you like but it’s a great experience, never done drugs and very little alcohol of late so you can’t blame that.
I’m just wondering is it the trailer for the big picture? If it is then bring it on, I’ve been a good old boy generally speaking and my conscience is clear, so when the day of reckoning comes me ticket is well paid for. My commiserations to all the lads and lassies who’ll be going down below, and I think the athiests might be in for a big shock too.
“I fell in to a burning ring of fire
I went down down down and the flames went higher
And it burns burns burns, that ring of fire”
Dreams seem to be spent sorting retrospective stuff, maybe the future lies in the past.
[quote=“Jem, post: 1154835”]
[QUOTE=gumbud; right now as I rise above the three score years and ten I am having some amazing dreams both spiritual and just romantic - I’d hate to miss them not sleeping and having my rem time!
Funny you mention that Gummy, I was on about that a while ago. I’ve been having some fantastic dreams meself lately, all happy ones and very enjoyable and I hate it when the alarm clock blasts me back to reality in the mornings. There are some beautiful colours that I’ve never seen in real life in the dreams, impossible to describe them, but they give out a glow of perfect peace and joy, call me what you like but it’s a great experience, never done drugs and very little alcohol of late so you can’t blame that.
I’m just wondering is it the trailer for the big picture? If it is then bring it on, I’ve been a good old boy generally speaking and my conscience is clear, so when the day of reckoning comes me ticket is well paid for. My commiserations to all the lads and lassies who’ll be going down below, and I think the athiests might be in for a big shock too.
“I fell in to a burning ring of fire
I went down down down and the flames went higher
And it burns burns burns, that ring of fire” [/QUOTE]
I agree Jem - a trailer for the big picture - and I’d like to meet that dark head who sat on my knee the other night [female not male I hasten to add] just walked across the room with a lovely alluring smile and plonked herself down on me knee in front of a crowd!!:-D:-D:-D:-D:-D
Good morning chums