ah May doesn’t want to play the famous five with us - don’t worry May they were all LGTBQ’s you’ll be OK - CFN! either that all they’ve all lost their marbles!
There is something less Fishy about a Funny merchant.
There is a lot of Banging on, going on elsewhere, this happens when one is Drumming up Support.
used to play the side drum in the boys brigade - and we did get a lot of support in all forms - crutches, zimmer frames and hernia supports were all thrown at us!
they screamed ‘do you have to make all that noise on a sunday morn’
I remember those parades Gummy, they were very Cymbalic of the era, couldn’t happen nowadays, the lads would have eaten all the Drumsticks.
Strange days these, why would anyone want to take a “Lapdog” on an Aeroplane?
Don’t mind the banging Spitty, that’s just Dick and Julian feverishly making a raft to get off Puffin Island in a hurry, it seems George got pregnant and they’re doing a runner. Dick is terrified he’ll be drummed out of the scouts if the news gets out.
I was in the scouts, and one thing they drum into you from day one is never mess about with your woggle.
I’m useless at medical terms but the son in law has a condition that bans him from eating anything with Gluten in it, I was shocked to see the list, beer is included, he works hard and likes his few pints at the weekend, loves his food too, I feel sorry for him he’s a good man.
Speaking of health, the wife now has Thyroid trouble, I never heard of that before but it seems to be quite common. She also takes a little bottle of Benbcol to keep her Cholesterol low, she says it works for her. She was taking it earlier today, it’s in a tiny bottle, and I says to her “Hey Philly, would you not ask the chemist to give you the bigger sized bottle, then you could be Philly the Extra Cholesterol. She was not amused.
Remember I’m just looking at this from a local point of view. All the old lads up in the local are looking up all their usual complaints on the internet now and are coming up with fancy names for Lumbago, piles, flu, headaches, and the divil knows what, everyone’s a medical expert, and something like a common cold can go into deliberation for hours. The self appointed secretary on matters medical is George, a cranky old shite since he had to give up smoking last year, he annoyed me when I came back to the table having been out for a smoke. “Did you wash your hands Jem before you handled those dominos?” “I was outside the building George, not in the Jacks”
“Well the nicotine from your hands gets onto the dominoes and the rest of us will pick it up, not very thoughtful of you Jem was it?” “Well F…off George and go wash your own hands then”
Honest to God, everyone has gone health crazy and still more people are getting sick than ever before, is there something sinister going on behind the scenes? are we all being conditioned? are the big medical concerns out to make us all believe we cannot survive without their products? Who knows only he who knows all.:shock:
I never liked you, and I always will
I had a monumental idea this morning, but I didn’t like it.
I don’t want any yes men around me, I want everybody to tell me the truth, even it it costs them their jobs.
A bachelors life is no life for a single man.
All quotes from Samuel Goldwyn, I just love them, real Spike Milligan stuff.
I was clicking through Sam Goldwyn’s life on Wikipedia, was he a genius or just another rich idiot with more money than sense? depends on how you look at life yourself I suppose, he achieved money success but that is only part of being successful.
I never knew his name was Samuel Goldfish before he changed it, can’t say I blame him, introducing yourself alone would raise a titter and make the cat smile in anticipation.
According to what I read the saying “It’s not worth the paper it’s written on” comes from a blunder Goldwyn made when he said of an actor “His verbal contract is worth more than the paper it’s written on”
I would have loved this man had he been in my local. Another thing he said made me smile, when told he couldn’t film “The Well of Loneliness” because it was about Lesbians he replied “That’s alright, we’ll make them Hungarians”
He died in 1974, rest in peace Sammy, you cheered me up on this miserable wet and cold windy night.
yes I agree with ya Jem for a moment! - good mentors are hard to come by these days and people who are just a bit flamboyant and insist on having an alternative view to the rest of the heard! like george melly - an expert on Surrealism, an author, a raconteur and a cultural critic — as well as a clotheshorse for loud zoot suits, jaunty fedoras and glow-in-the-dark ties
and others of such ilk like our own group here!
About 5 years ago my weight exceeded 18 stone. At my mother’s funeral my cousin Keith said,
" Robert, you look just like George Melly with that baggy blazer and fedora"
The daughter of Terry at the fish & Chip shop said whenever I called.
“Bob you look just like that film star, Steve Martin”
The lady who cuts my hair every 5 weeks is soon to retire she always likened me to Adam Faith.
They’re all wrong cos I look like ME!
I always imagine you as a junior version of robert senior? if ya not then you’ve broken the mould!
Aye indeed RJ, I’m sure you cut a fine figure of a man in your prime, a fine strapping lad, as the granny would say.
When I used to watch Drumbeat as a boy I always preferred Adam Faith to Cliff Richard, Faith seemed more down to earth and less full of himself - Cliff Richard always struck me as if he thought the sun shone out of his backside, although the wife loved him and still does.
My barber can’t make up his mind who I look like, it’s a toss up between Edward G. Robinson and Jack Palance, I’m happy just as long as he didn’t mention Victor Mature-Yuk! It’s his mouth you see, he’s got a huge mouth, with a mouth like that you could accidentally swallow yourself with your dinner.
We used to go around to the posh Aunt’s house to watch the TV, on a Saturday afternoon, as soon as Drumbeat and ‘Champion the Wonder Horse was over the brother and me were kicked out, she only did it as a favour to my poor Mother.
Any sign of the Pug fella? I hope he’s OK.
I posted this on general chat
Ever wondered who Robert SENIOR was?
I am a backsliding wordsmith.
My early years were enriched by the presence of my dad’s brother, a globe trotter, full of stories and words. The latest generation of a long line of mariners.
This marvellous man, also a Robert, hence Robert Junior, had been staying with his sister Sylvia **“temporarily .”
This was an uncomfortable arrangement and he moved in to mum & dads prefab when they went off to Hayling Island for a second honeymoon.
“Bob” didn’t move out when they returned and stayed with us until after I started schooling. This was 1953, the year in which us kids all were given a coronation mug (I still have mine, the grandkids paint brushes are somewhat ungraciously stuffed in it)
Thanks to Bob’s life skills I turned up on my first day at school able to read & write and in possession of an extraordinary vocabulary for a 4 year old.
Anyway, I am often deep in thought as to the meaning of words.
Yesterday fortunate & fortuitous harangued me.
I consulted a dictionary and my suspicions were vindicated. These 2 words are not the same and not even synonyms .
That is all I have to say on this subject.
BTW,**
Uncle Bob was chucked out by my mother in 1954 returning to live with his sister after the tragic early death of her husband Pat.
Bob, stayed with his sister for another 40 years until her death in 1994 . after which Bob gave up the ghost took to his bed and waited to die, it took 2 weeks for him to pass on
.
FINAL COMMENT
Bob left all his worldly goods to me, in a Tesco plastic carrier bag. No money, just his sea mans papers, his hearing aid, his dentures and his medals.
My dad’s ears were compatible with the hearing aid but the dentures not.
A grand auld tale RJ, yes I did wonder but was too polite to ask, thanks for clearing that up for me.
I shudder at the though of a second honeymoon, the first one was a washout, we spent a week in a caravan by the seaside and it never stopped raining for the week, plus the fact that the wife had toothache for the first three days, we had to search high and low for a dentist to extract it, he fleeced us and we hadn’t a light coming home. I kid you not.
I missed your story, I don’t find meself much in General Chat these days, I think I general chatted meself to death over the years.
Yesterday, I won a trip in a Submarine, the wife asked if I was excited about it, I said no, I don’t think it’s sunk in yet.
wonder where they fart.
Dive Dive Dive
Thanks Jem
Hi Gummy
'lo pug
There is more
I posted this next bit after a question from RUTHIO
Good heavens Ruthio, shame on you for thinking that way.
No way, Bob never married , sendingv me pics of him in ports around the world usually with exotic ladies, one on each arm/.
One day I asked him who these ladies were… painful silence ensued until Bob said
Why Robert didnt I tell you! they are your cousins in Singapore, Hong Kong, New York and those sort of places"
I didn’t twig until I was much older that I wasn’t related to any of these harpies after all.
Bob would have been pleased that he left nothing having once said to me when I bumped into him leaving a betting shop and he said
" I spent 90% of my wealth on wine women & whisky, the rest I just squandered"
before going away from me he stuffed a wadge of fivers into my pocket. He was a legend.
A man after me own heart was Robert senior, he certainly knew how to spend his money wisely, pity he squandered the 10% on foolish stuff like food and clothes, tut tut.
it’s a lovely sunny day here and for once the weatherman got it right, I congratulate him for tis seldom they are praised, there are those who say they get money for old rope, but I say that is not so, there are those who say they haven’t a clue, but I say they know their onions, it’s a vocation, a calling like the priesthood and like the articles in my fridge, many are cold but few are frozen. (taken from ‘Sermons on the Mount’ and written by a prophet sitting on a horse)
There were a lot of Harry Potter fans in my local Poundland, throwing a deflated Volley ball about, I asked the assistant what was going on, don’t worry said the assistant, it’s Quideach.