Leisurely Scribbles (Part 2)

[Jem]

Yes I noticed that too Fruity (mobile phone chap), I believe that was pointed out to the director by a reporter at a news briefing, he just palmed it off saying: “Of course he’s not talking on a mobile phone, do you think I’m an idiot?, everyone knows they weren’t invented then, the lad is discreetly picking his nose, very common practice at ports in them days,and I like to be authentic”

---

Today the wife and me were returning home from a most enjoyable weekend in Wexford, there weren’t many on the train and we were looking forward to a quiet pleasurable journey, however we were’n’t long seated when we were joined by a fella and his female partner, they would have been in their early thirties I reckoned.

Now I was never one for asking personal questions, I’m old fashioned with stuff like that and think it’s rude, the way I see it is if folks want you to know about them they will volunteer that information, indeed some of them once they start they never stop, yerman was one of the non stoppers unfortunately for me and the missus.

He introduced himself and his partner, who never spoke two words all the way, just kept smiling and nodding approval everytime yerman finished a sentence, the names I instantly forgot, then he opened up for the duration of the journey.

He didn’t stop talking about himself until he got off the train at Bray just outside of Dublin.

Seems he is an ‘inventor’, well that’s what he said he was, and the first thing that comes into your head when you have the ‘privilege’ of meeting an inventor is to ask him what did he invent, I’m glad now I didn’t ask because he must have read my mind.

”Oh I’ve had lots of near misses so far, I’m just waiting for the big breakthrough any day now, my latest idea is very hush hush, but I’ll give you a clue” (I didn’t want a clue because I wasn’t in the least bit interested.
It’s to do with facial hair on females and the removal of same painlessly with the use of magnets, I’ve hit on a paste that will magnates hair for easy removal with the use of a magnetic gun”

Jaysus there’s one born every minute, if ever a man suffered, next time we’re taking a break I’ll ask the daughter to drive us there and back.

The Monkees - Last Train To Clarksville 1966

[spitfire]

There is much disquiet in this quiet earth.

... In That Quiet Earth (2007 - Remaster)

[Jem]

I’m afraid the earth will never be quiet as long as we have greedy humans around Spitty, sad.

What’s this about you not feeling the best?, I hope it passes quickly and you’re not too put out with whatever it is, get well soon old bean.

---

When we were young we were all contented
With a roof over our heads, if only rented
And when you made a promise you really meant it.

Oh yes, greed was there but mostly kept in check
Although glutton Maloney had a big fat neck
Because his Da had more money than Gregory Peck.

When you left school to find a job
All bike messengers were paid thirty bob
Until a demand came for more money from some greedy slob.

Cadbury’s chocolate was fixed at threepence a bar
And all the working men could afford a weekend jar
A man on our street passed the HP test and bought a car

---

Cadbury’s chocolate is not the same anymore.
I hadn’t had a bar of fruit and nut for a long time until the missus bought me one yesterday as a little treat. I kept it for the big picture last night, a DVD of “The Exorcist” to be played on the projector, I’m a horror fan and hadn’t watched it for well over twenty years, it is to me the scariest horror film ever made, messing with the mind is true horror and evil at it’s worst.

Anyway when I took a bite out of me fruit and nut it wasn’t a patch on the old Cadburys, there was an oily taste off the chocolate that was not to my liking at all, it was a let down, what the hell did they do to it!, of course I didn’t mention that to the wife, she’s a thoughtful old girl.

OK so it’s only a threepenny bar of chocolate but it’s a sort of yardstick for me when it comes to how much prices and wages keep rising non stop. (we could only afford the threepenny bars, and then only every month when our dear old Aunt May paid her visit and gave use kids one of those brass English threepenny pieces, she reckoned because of their size we were less likely to lose them, fat chance, we didn’t hold onto them long enough to lose them.)

When I was a kid Cadburys had three sizes of milk chocolate bars, the smallest bar was priced at 3d, the middle sized bar at 6d, and the large one at a shilling, the price was boldly marked on each purple wrapper bar, the bars remained the same price all through my childhood and never increased in price, how different that is to today when stuff keeps going up every couple of months, what went wrong with keeping prices steady?

The manufactures blame the workers wage increases and the workers blame the price rises for asking for the increase, it’s a vicious circle, is there no happy medium they can strike to steady things up once more?

Will we ever see a fixed price on goods again, or will unbridled greed continue until it destroys everything decent.

( don’t get me wrong, by striking a happy medium I don’t mean punching a drunken spiritualist, I abhor violence)

Yes it’s a crazy World.

Joe Brown - What A Crazy World we're Living In.

[Fruitcake]

I went off Cadburys when they were bought out and the new owners said they would keep the old factories going.
After they bought the company, they closed our local manufactory.

I agree that the chocolate now tastes nothing like I remember, so I don’t buy it for both reasons.

On the up side, the site has been bought by a charity and turned into a retirement village. The buildings have been re-purposed, and many of the facilities, including playing fields, are available for use by the locals.
I am all in favour of re-using old land and buildings.

My parents lived in one of the charity’s sister sites, set in the grounds of an old railway station and goods yard. The station buildings have been preserved. The goods shed is now a most excellent restaurant, and the station is a volunteer run visitor centre.

When I was a kid, Mars Bars had been 6d for as long as I could remember, then they went up to 7d around '66.
I went on a school camping trip to the Channel Islands that year, and my friends and I were delighted to find Mars Bars were still only 6d due to the favourable tax laws there.
Sadly this might explain why I have so many fillings in my head.

[spitfire]

The cost of work, resting and Playing has risen with inflation since the 60s, as has the waistline.

[Jem]

Cut out the chocs and stick to yer 10 and a half stone Spitty, no need to carry around any extra baggage.

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Open spaces are snapped up here Fruity either to build houses or flats, mostly flats, rental accommodation is scarce and the prices are daylight robbery. Me heart bleeds for any couple trying to buy a house in Dublin these days, so sad really.

Cadbury were always a good employer over here, I knew a lot of men and women who worked there.
Also a good place to place to work was Batchelors, Batchelors are here since 1935, both are still going strong I believe. But by far the best job in Dublin to be in for ordinary folks was Guinness’s brewery, get in there and you were on the pigs back, all sorts of off shoot benefits including a medical one.

“Cadbury Ireland is a confectionery company in Ireland based in Coolock in Dublin. It is a subsidiary of Cadbury, currently owned by Mondelēz International. Cadbury Ireland exports over 200 of its products to 30 countries worldwide, making a contribution of €110 million of Irish trade.” Wiki.

Early in the 70’s when that horrible powered potato stuff called “Smash” came out they had an ad for it on TV saying “For mash get Smash” They actually said on the packet that it was ‘made from real potato’, gee wiz imagine that, a potato made from a real potato, what a giant leap for mankind!.
Actually I thought it was made from chalk, well that’s what it tasted like to me.Yuk!

At that time there was a fella who drank in my local, he was called Max, originally from Austria, we never knew his surname.
He had just opened a garage specialising in panel beating, spraying, and generally rebuilding cars that were involved in crashes, he was an expert at his job and he wasn’t cheap either.
He was looking for suggestions from the lads for an ad he was thinking off putting on national TV, none of us could come up with anything.
Then old Danny the barman leaned over his counter and said:
“How about this, ‘For Max get smashed’

The advertising authorities refused it saying that is was encouraging people to have a crash, how stupid is that, what kind of an idiot would want to be involved in a car crash, and his own crash at that?
The garage is still there although brought up to modern standards by his son, young Max.

[spitfire]

I am unnerved by any mention of Mars Barr, get a cold chill for some reason.

[Jem]

I’m surprised you remember old Mars Barr Spitty.
Last I heard of him was that he was taken off the poets register, or in the official tone of the National Association of Regulated Verse (NARV) “Mr. M. Barr is no longer a member, he has officially been deversed”. The narv of them!

I supposed it’s the same treatment wayward sheep get when brought up before the head Ram, they are deflocked, bad safety matches are struck off, and a misbehaving campanologist is exbelled.
Bad grammar teachers are disenvowelled, while church canons are simply fired, I could go on but I’ll spare you all the torment.

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Did you ever come across such a useless vegetable as rhubarb? it tastes horrible no matter what way it’s cooked or what it’s served with, everyone I know hates the stuff, and today a woman who lives a few doors up from me brought me a big bunch of the stuff, very thoughtful of her I’m sure, but neither the wife nor myself eat it, and I know none of my family eat it either. I would never refuse it from her as she’s a very sensitive old lady.
I believe the leaves of the plant are deadly poison, causes kidney failure.
Celery comes a close second, I remember my Dad saying one day when his doctor told him to eat the odd stick of raw celery “It’s like eating water”
I read celery uses up more energy eating a stick of it than it gives you, therefore stout folks could actually eat themselves slim.

---

Old age, grey hair, or wrinkles never bother me, all part of the ageing process.
I have noticed that the old people years ago seemed to have more wrinkles than the old folks of today, must be something in the water.

Countries where they get a lot of sunshine seem to fare badly with peoples skin in later life, some of the older Hollywood stars, and even with the best of skin advice available to them, have more dried up canals gullies on their faces than on the surface of Mars, and with that dark tan some of their heads look like well ripened prunes, oh it’s true what the elders told us, have fun but stay out of direct sun.

An Aunt of mine married a fella from California, he was a civil engineer who settled here when he was in his 40’s, he would have been about 60 when I knew him as a child and he was very wrinkled then.
I remember her when she’d visit our house, she used to refer to him (behind his back) as ‘old corrugated face’ and jokingly saying that he should have guttering fitted under his chin to stop his shirt collars being ruined when he sweats, and he did sweat a lot as I recall.

I love this old song, and what a beautiful voice Judith Durham has, she’s 78 now God bless her.

The Seekers - When will the Good Apples Fall (HQ Stereo, 1967/'68)

[spitfire]

Tardy is out of the question of late, squeaky clean, from here on in.

[Jem]

When you mentioned squeaky clean there Spitty I immediately thought of my old friend and bard Squeaky McKleen who dwells in a log cabin on the MacGillycuddy’s Reeks mountain range in Kerry.
Squeaky, so called because he has a high pitched feminine voice, is also known locally as Mouse McKleen because he’s only 4’ 10” tall in his stockinged feet, and because he keeps pet mice.

“The Repentant Mouse” by Squeaky McKleen, A very short tail of a clean and holy mouse.

Maurice Mouse worked in a chemistry lab
He was one of the first to get the jab

They stuck a needle in his left upper shoulder
Then stashed all his info into a cardboard folder

Ever since that day he felt like a new mouse
As he cleaned and polished all over his house

He filed his paw nails and shampooed his brown hair
And put plastic covering over his tiny armchair

He gave up cursing and all of his sinnin’
And his bed was draped in fresh white linen

He stopped smoking fags and drinking strong beer
Started praying daily cos he thought the end was near.

It was when he saw his brother lying in the gutter drunk
That he made up his mind to become a mouse monk.

- YouTube

[spitfire]

Nice one.

[Jem]

Seems the world is in a state of chaos, fires everywhere, floods, plagues, and what have you, whoever is pulling the strings is very angry with us.

I sincerely hope nobody manages to get off this planet alive and go into deep space to cock up a few other planets, because we’re extremely good at doing that, we had to wait till our own one practically got the death rattle before we even attempted to cease choking it and draining away the life’s blood from this big blue beautiful gift called Earth that someone or something bestowed on us all, it’s the only good looking planet of the whole lot of them, and there’s life on it too, I think that’s very special indeed.

What amazes me is how we have the gall to think that someday we’ll know the answers to these creation mysteries, questions that have baffled the greatest brains in human history since mankind began to think, and if you think ancient man was stupid as most of us do, how were they able to create such wonderful structures with rudimentary tools and align them with important planets? stupid people can’t do things like that.

All we ever have from the experts are theories, nothing wrong with that, everyone has a theory and why not? it’s when they put out these theories as facts that annoys me, just look at that gobshite “expert” who saw a white light in the sky a few years ago and announced to the world he discovered a new planet, turned out to be Mars!, sure even I knew we had a Mars out there, silly man.

I reckon the next thing to go will be that stupid big bang theory, even Einstein didn’t swallow that one. Actually I think Einstein threw in the towel near the end saying “Maybe there is a God after all, because I can’t see anyone down here figuring it all out”
And more sensible words you never spoke Mr. E.

My theory is that there is so much happening out there and we are so insignificant that we could never grasp a fraction of what it’s really all about, we haven’t enough storage in the brain for a start, best thing we could ever do is try to get on with each other down here, put all the expert heads together and try to save this wonderful planet we live on before it’s too late.
It’ll never happen though, but still I’ll keep on dreamin’

In the meantime I’m content to know nothing about how it all began, nor how it will end, and to sit outdoors with a smoke and a beer on a warn Summers night and happily watch it all float by.

In this video some of Johnny Burnette’s old 45 discs flash by as he sings, I noticed he has one called “Love me” on the ‘A’ side and “Kiss me” on the backside, didn’t half fancy himself did he?

Johnny Burnette - Dreamin` - YouTube

[spitfire]

We just need to get on our bikes, Time is in short supply, even Albert would agree with that.

[Fruitcake]

I certainly agree with you about rhubarb young Jem. The best part of a crumble is, well, the crumble, but it needs to be supported and complimented by a nice sweet fruit, not some tough, stringy, acidic veggy.
I believe the leaves contain oxalic acid, which I am led to believe is not conducive to good health.

I think the celery thing is a myth. You only need to look at how few calories you burn up when doing exercise to know that it isn’t very many compared with how many calories there are in food of any type.
I don’t think chewing anything will use much energy at all.

Ah yes, Judith Durham’s beautiful voice. That brings back childhood memories. Morningtown Ride. Now there’s a jolly tune.

Here’s a theory about the universe for you. A chap called Professor Rutherford was knocking bits off atoms in the thirties, and allegedly they are made from tiny particles circling other tiny particles.
That sounds like suns and planets and moons to me. Just suppose we are sat on an electron whizzing round the nucleus of an atom inside a molecule of a tiny, insignificant particle of dust in a mega universe so huge it would make your brain explode just thinking about it.

Perhaps it isn’t global warming that’s destroying the only planet we have, but instead some other professor Rutherford who is trying to knock bits off atoms in his world.

Anyway, we already know the answer to life, the universe and everything. It’s 42 of course. We just don’t know the right questions to ask.

[Jem]

Thanks for that very well put post Fruity, I love your theory as well, you know you make life cheery when you have a theory down where the green grass grows.

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I got a new pair of glasses from Specsavers yesterday, nothing fancy just plain silver wire rims, the fella asked me did I want horn-rimmed spectacles, I hope I heard him right because I said no thanks, I’m happy with the ones God gave me.

They were doing good business with the older ladies in the shop and on the way home an idea came into me head. Why not open a beauty shop for over 60’s women and call it “Wrecksavers”

They could be salvaged, put into a dry dock, refitted, then relaunched looking ship shape and Bristol fashion for a longer lease of life, everyone’s a winner.
I can just hear the old lads standing at the corner “Whooo… like at the ass on old Julia, she must have been to Wreaksavers”

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I’ve been reading up on how satellite TV works and I’ve just discovered that my satellite dish is parabolic and has a feed horn on it, I’m thrilled to know that, you learn something new everyday don’t you, and for all the good it’ll do ya.

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Had another thought, I’m full of sh…ing ideas lately.
Suppose I was on the Moon, how would I know which was North and South, East and West? Where would the needle on my compass point?

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I had to get up in the middle of the night when I heard squealing going on in the side garden, there were about six cats squabbling and taking rashers off each other, they scarpered off when I went out with me torch.
There’s an old man and his wife a few doors away from me who feeds them, he has a very long overgrown back garden where they hang out, they are all wild and they seem to be increasing in number every year.

Billy Joel - The River of Dreams (Official Video)

[Jem]

I was having a shave this evening after a shower, I find it’s the best time to shave, your skin is tender and the bristles on your face are softened making them easier to cut. I use the double bladed disposal razors.

As I scrapped away at me ugly mug I remembered as a child watching me grumpy old grandad shaving himself in the “scullery” as he called it, of his small house, the proceedings were like a ritual, he would sharpen his cut throat razor on a long strip of leather, stropping I believe it’s called, then he’d mix soapy stuff in an old mug and with a badger haired brush dab the mixture all over his face.

Some of the positions he managed to contort his face into would put Les Dawson to shame, and when he did the bit of holding up his nose with his thumb and index finger to get at his moustache he was the image of a pig.

I’ll bet there are very few men on this forum who could shave with an open razor, never mind strop one today. the skill has almost been lost to the western world.

It was also very environment friendly, look at the mountains of cast away razors used in the world now, all plastic except for a tiny bit of steel for the blades, someone should start a campaign to bring back the reusable open razor, the world has it’s belly full of plastic as it is.

I’ve never been shaved by a barber in me life, has anyone of you had the experience?

I’m seriously thinking of buying an open razor and trying to master the skill of using and maintaining it, I hate needless waste.

God I don’t blame the fella in the chair being frightened to death, that barber looks very sinister looking to me, if I saw his face in the window of a barber shop I’d pass by and grow a beard sooner than be shaved by him.

[Jem]

Strange that only the other night here I mentioned the wild cats in me garden and today when I was in the workshop smithing away and listening to the radio there was a talk program on about feral cats, as I believe they’re called, it seems there are over 200,000 colonies of them on this island. Shock!

It was also a phone in program and I needn’t tell you there was skin and hair flying between the cat lovers and the bird lovers, not to mention the chap who was only fit for a straight jacket after a gang of wild things got at his beloved 20 year old €300 Japanese fish that he had in his garden pond.
Ructions going on over the feral cats, I was glad I wasn’t involved, I’m like Manuel when it comes to cats…I know naw thing Mr. Fawlty.

Last night when I came home from the pub me head was up there amongst the stars, I went out to the back garden and as I gazed up I was wondering where all the black holes were hiding, not to mention the dark matter, then sure enough as if in answer to a prayer I stepped into some dark matter on the grass, for a little dog he produces an awful lot of dark matter, I wonder could I get him a job in NASA, they talk a lot of dark matter be times.

I then buried it in a small black hole the dog had dug earlier. I went back into the house feeling randy and starry eyed, but n’er a mention of the big bang, all she said was “My God, your out there with no pullover on yeh, you’ll catch your death of cold, yeh eejit!

Old L.S. Lowry, he was contented just to paint matchstick cats and dogs.

Matchstalk men and matchstalk cats and dogs (with lyrics)

[spitfire]

The daze is clickin the scribe-ing scribble will sort it’s self out, Banana minded future people will become the custardonians.

[Jem]

@spitfire

The daze is clickin the scribe-ing scribble will sort it’s self out, Banana minded future people will become the custardonians.

Banana minded people indeed! I thought the EU straightened all them out.

According to the crowd in Brussels it’s OK to have bent politicians, bent judges, bent businessmen, bent coppers, but you can’t have any bent bananas, oh yes we have have no bent bananas today, Section 57 rule B Z 418866098 has seen to that.

We are being ruled by lunatics while Jesus weeps in despair, crying “Father forgive them for they know not what they do”

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They say that travel broadens the mind.

Those who want broad fat minds are welcome to them, but when all is said and done there’s no place like home.

The only holidays we ever take now are in our own country, there are still so many lovely places that we’ve never been to, and all the folks are genuinely friendly to visitors, they appreciate that tourism is their bread and butter and want it to continue that way.
Barring the UK we’ve never had a continental holiday on any continent.

I never did see the point of forking out a small fortune on fares, travelling thousands of miles to a strange place. not understanding a word the people say, knowing nothing about the food your eating or what could be in the bed your sleeping in, not knowing if it’s safe to walk down certain streets or take a simple glass of tap water, having strange money in your pocket and not being able to figure out when you are being ripped off, staring at famous places and buildings that look exactly like they do in all the photos of them you’ve already seen, and they call that a holiday?

No thanks, had I wanted to see the world I’d have joined the navy and got paid for doing so.
But each to their own pleasures.

John Denver - Back Home Again (Official Audio)

[Fruitcake]

I finished the book on yer man, the hero Monsignor, and as luck would have it, the Scarlet and the Black was on TV last week as well. A good compliment to my reading.

I learned something about satellite TV from a former colleague. There isn’t just one satellite. Apparently there is a cube in space with dozens of the blighters umpteen kilometres apart. Each one transmits certain batches of channels/frequencies which overlap with other satellites sending the same channels/frequencies, so if one packs up, your favourite programme is still beamed at you from others.

Shaving. Well I am as guilty because I use disposable blades mounted in a plastic head, but I can usually manage to make them last about three weeks.
I suppose if we really wanted to save the planet, we should use all metal safety razors with replaceable blades. No plastic involved.
My dad used a cut-throat razor for many years until he eventually changed to one powered by electrickery.
He told me when he was in the army, he could always get to the washroom mirror by waving this weapon around, scattering the rest of the squad who were using safety razors.

With regards to looking up at the stars whilst in your back garden, you really ought to get a new roof put on that privvy.

The business with the straight bananas was a spoof. Some journalists were having a competition to see who could publish the most outrageous untrue story and get people to believe it.
Guess which one won.

the squad