Let a man without TL1 cast the first stone… a dual account holder has more chance of passing through the eye of a needle…
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yes but not riding through one on a saracen? - let him who choses nippon nip off? as the mighty archimedes once was heard to say whilst riding on a camel passing through the eye of a needle??
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“Arrr, we be takin’ pages from the holy scripture now lads, beware ye don’t get the page with the black spot, for t’will surely mean the end of yer miserable carcass”.
Robert Newton said words to that effect in Treasure Island as his crew of pirates could only find a bible to mark the black spot on.
Yes you don’t mess around with black spots, and one squeezes a blackhead at their own risk, stick to blondes is my advice to all randy young men. 
Billy May, now I’m sure that name sounds familiar, just can’t place it at the moment, of course there’s our own lovely May on here, what a smasher she is, howya May! 
I remember Billy Cotton and his band, wakey wakey! it’s the Billy Cotton band show!, and Billy the Kid, what an innocent name for such a murderous little swine.
I had to look him up it was annoying me, now I know him, Billy May was a famous composer, composed music for “The Naked City”, “Batman” “The Green Hornet” and many more. Born in Pittsburgh Pennsylvania, (there’s a pawn shop on the corner in Pittsburgh Pennsylvania, mention my name and you’ll get a good deal), sadly Billy died in 2004, rest his musical soul.
I can go back to the radio days, the radio was always on in our house when I was a kid, what about “Much binding in the marsh” Sam Costa, my Dad was a great fan of that old radio show.
“Took her dancing, took her dining, till her blue eyes were shining”
Yes I took her dancing to the local hop and then into the chipper on the way home, nothing was too good for my little bird in our courting days.
Ah the black spot Jemmy - yes you filched that from the Name of the Rose heh with all those monks fingering things?? all this congential info you have here - do you have the same problem baking a cake? never mind the black spot matey just watch yaself with the black guiness that’s what’s gettin ya all excited - and spend less time in the shed - isolation is not good for ya social skills - you know mixin with people ;’ talkin to 'em - I think you might have retired to early and are now twindling the thumbs heh??
yes every home had a radio in our days and ours was run by an acid accumulator which I had to carry to the shop top of street to get it exchange for a fresh one which I was quite terrified carrying back home for fear of spilling acid on me pretty legs!! but what a peaceful scene each evening [which regarded as boring at the time] all the family sat around the coal fire and radio humming away - one with a book ; another newspaper ;other knitting [usually me Da!] cigarettes on the go and the occasional pipe - not very healthy really and then maybe just one glass of stout or a small glass of sherry and ‘well go on just one more’. What were the famous radio brands in those days ? And us kids used to be clock watching too cos we knew when it got to a certain time we would be shunted off to cold bedrooms and cold bed sheets and that was it!
Good morn all and one. Well I’ve been reading back and catching up on the important things in life I always find on this thread, and what a mine of information it is.
Suits, well I never had one until I got wed. I was always a jeans and tee-shirt sort of bloke. I never had to worry about lipstick on my collar a-cause my Lovely Cousin hardly ever wore it. I certainly never did.
Boris. Well, the famous and important one of course is a spider.
Look, he’s crawling up my wall
Black and hairy, very small
Now he’s up above my head
Hanging by a little thread
Boris the spider
Boris the spider
Boiler chickens I have heard of, but never suffered to eat one. My dear old granny kept chooks, and it wasn’t until I had one from a supermarket years later I realised how tasty were the former, and how dreadful were the latter. I can’t imagine what a boiling fowl would taste like, other than it would be as it horrible as it sounds.
Someone’s net worth to me means how much better the world is for having them in it. If they’ve made a pot of money from doing it, fair play to them.
People sometimes ask why a football player or pop/film star gets paid more than a nurse, but the answer is, they get paid the going rate, and it’s in the gift of the individual to decide whether they want to pay more taxes for the one, or use their money to pay for a sports/film TV package.
Right, my soapbox is a foldaway so I shall slink off back to the kitchen now where I am cooking a fish bake luncheon for the family.
I must say I am getting rather miffed about all these sleazy bikini clad gals lying about that I have to tried all over before I even get to the start of the thread - and apparently i cannot buy one??
Why do you see Sleaze Gummy, I see artistic licence.
Ah there yeh are Fruity, I was wondering where you were, I hope you and your good lady are keeping well. Your posts are always a breath of fresh air and most informative, long may they continue.
That wouldn’t do Gummy, getting battery acid on those beautiful legs of yours, and I’m sure they look real cute under that camouflage skirt in your avatar.
I missed the last big total eclipse of the sun, don’t remember when it was exactly, but I do remember the wife and me being very disappointed when a vast grey cloud covered the whole sky.
“The Big Flop”
I got up early and was all prepared
A truly great moment was about to be shared
The Sun was to be covered by a big black blister
I got on the phone and told my young Sister
We all looked up with bated breath
Some were scared it would mean their death
A thick grey mist rolled in from the sea
And covered the sky in misery
I never saw what had occurred
Are we all a bit absurd?
Wouldn’t it be a real laugh
If the Sun split in half
That would mean the end of us
No more worries no more fuss.
Getting up early is a mortal sin
And I chucked me special glasses in the bin
The wife she sat in tears
Because we can’t wait another fifty years.
Very good Jem, from a geezer who can’t be arsed 
There was once a motivated guy
Who some thought was a Spy
But nothing was nearly so Sly
So, the guy started to decry
What did this stance imply
The system to defy
To participate retry
Never, don’t ever re-dignify
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well there is some of us who keep arising from the ashes like the phoenix of old and those who just bury themselves in ashes like the great dinosaurs of old - well lads I do think Phyllis is right for this once Jem I would take an odds on even bet that the sun will outlive us smart chappies! never thought I had a skirt on me avatar - perhaps you are mistaking it for a Fijian war robe? - had ya eyes tested lately Jem - anyway do like you poetry coming on well nearly as good as ya utube postings these days!
there was auld fella called Jem
would sit hours and hours in his den
just stokin the fires of all his desires
and writing rhymes with invisible pen?
he first started leisurely scribbles
when there were some writing poetry dribbles
he said come write with me a merry band we will be
and we’ve been fallin like pins as we scribbles?
I wonder what phyllis made of us
she never seemed to cause much of a fuss
as she heard all these mutters from Jem and his clutters
she thought more diamonds for me from his cutters?
Ah well the sun has come out in downunder
whilst the flurries of snow coat uk asunder
but we must tarry on till the last sarecon
and then back to the kingdom of wonder
© gumbud - who else would want it?
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Well I’ll be darned! Shakespeares coming out of the woodwork like maggots, bards and minstrels abound like confetti at a wedding, you have my deepest admiration lads, originality is divine, long may ye poe to the poecasion.
Gummy, I’m not moaning but, every time I look at that avatar, and handsome devil that yeh are an all that, I always mistake the camouflage shorts for a skirt simply because with the camouflage material one can not see the split that divides the legs, I would be much obliged if you went outside again and got the missus to take another snap, and this time spread yer legs a bit wider so there could be no mistaken that they were in fact shorts, no hurry, just a friendly suggestion, whenever you get a chance will be fine.
I was reading last night that Bono gets embarrassed when he hears his old songs being played, I don’t blame him, he has a crap voice and always had.
When I was working in town back in the 70’s I would stroll around the enclosed Dandelion Market near St. Stephen’s Green on my lunch break, he used to play there and it was torture to listen to him, out of the place I thought I’d never get.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for promoting our own talent, but this fella had none, the musicians have but he never had talent, more of a hard neck.
“He said singer-songwriter Robert Palmer met bandmate Clayton in the 1980s and told him: “God, would you ever tell your singer to just take down the keys a little bit, he’d do himself a favour, do his voice a favour and he’d do us all a favour who have to listen to him”. Sky News.
Fair play to Robert Palmer, so I wasn’t the only one.
Now here’s something that’s pleasing to the eyes as well as the ears, get up and shake yer ass to this Gummy.
Bo Diddley had a square guitar, at one point, that might have contributed to his “Riffy” style.
oh yes oh yes oh yes! do you remember the cafe scene where that exclamation came from? anyway re the above I’ll have the one with the guitar - no not the left the right!! I was reminiscing the other day what use to make this thread zing along with smoke comin out of it’s tailpipe - and then it struck me like the proverbial frying pan - there were bards comin out of the wood work and each weaving their own magic - there was competition and witicisms and down right lashes of the whip but always a smoking gun and then there were the wenches serving ale by the gallons!! - remember - spittie used to often get crushed in the rush some nights! - and Jem his oft well known phrase was " steady on lads I’m tryin to stir this craft in these stormy seas" this was before your time fruitcake so don’t worry - the time when spottie was just a young sprat set to catch a mackerel!
I miss the good old days ; we thought they’d never end - the beatles ; stones ; bing crosby and greta garbo - and me ma and pa! doesn’t it bring a tear to your eye - I’ll have another guiness Jemmie!! and get yaself one too!
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I was never a one for that fellow who would Shake his Speare, but it was forced upon me whilst doing English O Levels. It was my own fault though a-cause I chose to do two subjects, English Language and English Literature. Surprisingly I got a higher mark in the latter than the former.
I never really understood old Bill Wagglesword though; well how could I? His stuff was writ in old English. We would read a chapter/scene/sonnet, then the teacher would translate it into modern English for us so we could do our schoolwork. 'Twas like learning a vurrin language at times.
My group did Henry the Fourth, Part 1, and Far from the Madding Crowd. My friend in the other group did Richard the Third, and The Hobbit. I think he got the better deal.
It was an all boys school when I joined, but started to go co-ed towards the end of my time there, starting with kids in their early teens. I have often wondered if that was the reason Romeo and Juliet was never taught, a tragic love story about a thirteen year old girl and a nineteen year old man. It would be top shelf stuff, or possibly even banned if someone wrote a story like that these days.
I can still remember some of the lines from Henner 4, but I can’t think of a use for them. I wish I could forget them so they could be replaced with something useful like, “What did I come upstairs for?”
I liked Rowen Atkinson’s comment about Shakespeare when he did a stand up sketch involving a schoolteacher marking homework. “Of course it was a tragedy. If it been a comedy, he would have put a joke in it.”
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Talkin Tosh was the fundamental core of original Scribbles, or was it?
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talkin tosh - nah haven’t seen him for years?? there was always the famous five go all scribbles heh? - but they seem to have become less famous - is this the cause of history I wonder? Driving around the country side in a van with a saracen in the back - bit like taking coals to Newcastle isn’t it. Where are ya goin today he asked Spittie as he sat in his big big van ?? - well I’m taking me sarecen for a ride? really - I knew all that jack hammer work would bring on early onset saracens?
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@ spitfire - well we certainly had Puggsie and RJ spouting out all sorts of phenomena and leaving us poor mortals speechless until Jem calmed it all down and gloria started spouting her wherewithalls!! and who was that other charming lady who used to fancy Jem??
It’s goin to be “One man and his Sur ron”, a story about a bloke gobbling up the miles on an eco friendly projectile, we have had Geezers travelling the land, documenting stuff on a Pushbike, but, their enthusiasm is soon sapped by the first steep hill and the clarity of thought is dissipated.
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