I thought I had mastered the basics of using computers, I mean I didn’t want to be an expert at the things, just switch it on and point the arrow thing willy nilly, type a few words here and there, look up the racing pages and send an email, maybe watch a film or an old documentary, that kind of thing, once I knew that I was away in a hack, or so I thought.
Today I was driven up the wall trying to fix a new satellite box I got, I didn’t really need another one just that this was too hard to resist at the price, top of the range it’s supposed to be, has the internet all in the one box and great other features, all it’s short of doing is making you a cup of tea and giving you a massage, only problem is they left out the Astra 28 satellite, the important one for these isles, I can get all the German, French, Italian, etc., stations but not the ones I want, how stupid of them is that? I emailed the supplier and he emails back—Simple, just download a Satellite Astra 28 E XML file and put it into the box, I locate a file and put it on a memory stick, it gets into the box alright, then nothing, seems I have to find a thing called a ‘Tuxbox’ put it into that, save it then configure it into something else and add to to the bouquets, are you still with me? good I admire your stamina because at this point I was ready to burst, what a load of crap just to add a satellite that should have been there in the first place, it’s going straight back tomorrow, let them sort it out, you’d want a degree in rocket science to work it out, and if anyone in my house so much as mentions a tuxbox, enigma 2, configuration, bouquets, XML’s, or the like I won’t be responsible for me actions, I’m at me wits end, it’s like you have to learn a whole new language in order to know what they are on about, whatever happened to ‘user friendly’ another one on the danger list? 
Yebbut,if you’d paid attention in school,you’d be able to ‘parlais francais’ AND ‘parli Italiano’,Jem!
…so guess who’s fault it all is…as usual…
Oh I fully accept responsibility Pug, but I was always distracted in the classroom by the blond young one beside me, she had this horrible habit of sticking her little finger in me ear, she was at it all the time, I put it down to some nervous disorder she had, she wouldn’t try it now with all the hair there.
Sometimes it is best to partake the Spirit, too suppress the Spirits.
or,you being a Dublin boy,you could take a wander down to St James’s,Jem.
The doctors there have mastered a wonderful elixir that puts life’s problems in their place,so it does! [tell them Pug sent you-you’ll get the ‘special’ elixir,that lets you realise you rule the world]
I just give it to me grandson to fix and after a while he walks in and says " all done grandad" - I knew I had produced offspring for some good reason " the sins of the fathers will be visited etc etc"
same grandson walked in with a small metal box 6x4 in the old inches [did we ever get new inches by the wayj?] - have you got a small lead grandad that looks a bit like this - he should me a drawing - oh yes I said dozens - just throw them in a box over there. next minute or hour or two etc we were watching film after film after film - the box was just connected to the hip bone!
Writing poems is quite an art
I may be judged a silly…person
I do my best but never win
this poems going in the bin
Still what the hell i’ve had a go
I sit and stare my, my pen won’t go
If you find your bad as me
you’ll pack it in and make some tea.
Hey,Bob-this poetry’s a lark.
Once you get the hang,it’s a walk in the park.
But don’t stay in there after dark
…or The Bogeyman will pounce.
Well,that’s what ‘they’ always told me.
So one night I stayed out to see.
I laughed at The Bogeyman from up in a tree
…which made him tut and flounce.
I rang my SIL to pick me up at the supermarket [now there’s a word - I don’t know what’s super about it - they always rip me off - my clothes are in tatters!] and he said OK I’ll be there in a jiffy - I had no idea what a jiffy was - a minute - 5 /10 /30 - as it was it turned out to be 12!!
I reckon it’s one of those Indian words that the Brits brought back like punka walla - or char walla!
This is very interesting, actually it’s earliest usage is considered to be a technical term used by Gilbert Newton Lewis (1875 - 1946) who proposed a unit of light called the " giffy ". I think it is the time it takes light to travel one centimeter. Our if you like 33,3564 picoseconds. So you can see you were kept waiting a very long time Mr Gumbud sir.
thank you little bob - but did he say “I won’t be a jiffy” or I’ll only be a jiffy - bit of a difference wot!! there is a difference between not being a jiffy [the light won’t come on] and only being a jiffy [the light only comes on for a split second] now here we go again - I can see the seconds tick away on my clocks - but what does a split second look like? OMG - I’m getting a headache with all of this.
This is just another example of how we speak over here " I won’t be a jiffy " is used in the same way as someone else might say " I won’t be a minute " we do use some crazy phrases over here, it really does take some time to get used to it. I had to be very careful talking to foreign students.
here we go again “foreign students” - when I looked up my google dico it provided this "[I]
unfamiliar, unknown, unheard of, strange, alien, exotic, outlandish, odd, peculiar, curious, bizarre, weird, queer, funny; More
novel, new
“the concept is very foreign to us Westerners”
antonyms: familiar
•
not belonging to or characteristic of.
[/I]
so if ‘things are foreign to us westerners’ does this mean everyone else is foreign but we westerners are OK?
we seem to enjoy labelling others on this planet - "gypsies - blacks [oops have I said a naughty word] all from the SE are asians - neat little classification to hold them all in. aryan seems to have a superior tone about it - first australians sounds nice or does it? native americans - native from the old french natif - to be born into - raw - unspoilt - and then later on it change to being born in serfdom - slavery - oh dear what a web we first do weave when we use words others to deceive!
This is something you have to take very seriously if you teach in a college in the UK. Things that we think are funny or just a bit of a laugh can cause real problems in the classroom, especially when dealing with students from strict religious backgrounds. We are not all the same and we have not all been brought up with this laid back anything goes attitude that we seem to embrace. We are instructed to be respectful in front of students and appreciate that although we might all speak english the phrases we use may have a different meaning to people outside the UK. You could say what you like to me, but some people are so offended by certain statements they will threaten your life. I have actually witnessed this situation, It was not funny, the student was finally expelled.
and so it should be - the arrogant Brits [present company excluded of course] have looked down their noses [now there is another thing - surely it is not possible to look down ones nose?] for too long at the rest of the world - the entire world - they don’t like the yanks who stole a lot of theirs girls; don’t like Europeans because they are European ; don’t like anyone with a different colored skin from theirs etc etc- the sun may once never set on the British Empire but it sure does now! [that’s if you get any sun these days - we’ve got tonnes of it in the Kimberley - want some?
Little Bob, are you related to Robert Junior? (synonym?)
Gumbud, us Brits look down our noses to look to see if our stiff upper lip is still, erm stiff.
Jem, I didn’t expect to see serious stuff here, but hey ho.
Time for my cocoa.
I like it !
I am not related to Robert Junoir as far as I know, but l do like the poems
My apologies dear lad, no serious stuff really RJ, I just got so pissed off with that bloody box that it took a while to get it out of my system, anyway they’re fixing it up for me, so please do carry on with flights of fantasy, tricks and frolics, sliding down the bannisters and landing on your…
That’s torn it now Pug, everyone has me address, No.1 St. James Gate, James St., Dublin 2.