Warm up 100ml of Tristearin, tilt head to the side and pour half into one ear, when solidified with the natural Ear Wax repeat the process on the other ear, obtain a small Sink Plunger, and apply Petroleum Jelly to the rim (to ensure a good seal), get the Wife to apply the plunger to the side of your head and pump 1-3 times as required, repeating the process on the other side of the head.
Thank You.
Dear Hairy Harry from Harrogate. So you think you have problems?
I have a heavy heart hearing how hairs have heralded havoc.
How horrible.
Having had hairs hanging hirsutely hovering on my hairy hooter…
I love alliteration.
Thank you gentlemen for your kind suggestions and sympathy.
Thank you for your interesting remedy Mr. Spitfire. However having secured the Tristearin into the left ear to mingle with the natural wax therein, a strange chemical reaction occurred causing a loud explosion inside the ear resulting in a large portion of the Auricle falling off and landing on the floor where the family dog immediately gobbled it up. The wife and me are now in a state of nervous tension, she’s under the doctor right now, I just hope he gives her satisfaction.
PS. The result is now I’ll have to wear an earwig and it’s hard to find one at this time of year, besides they only come in the one colour and they itch something terrible. looking on the bright side of things, the dogs bad hearing has improved immensely, why only this morning he was barking at a Postman delivering mail on the Isle of Man.
Your problems are just beginning Jem…for do not forget…
Every iphone has an Apple…but earrings arrive in Pears!
Too true Pug, and bananas are no good in a fight, they’re all yella, we’re going all fruity now.
Ain’t it the trufe,bruv. Plus,them oranges,they give ya the pip!
anyone for a hairy rambutan - they use a special fruit called a rambu to rub all over ya body - why ?? - to give you a rambutan of course and then they stick hairs all over ya - why?? OMG this is getting painful - to give you a hairy rambutan !!
Oh,dear…just WHERE can a mango to get away from all these fruit jokes?..
why up the ‘apple and stairs’ of course!
I would love to have a Rambutan and be lying under the Mango tree with a grass skirted lady friend relaxing in the shade, sure one might as well dream here as in bed.
Talk of relaxing, do any of you feel that as you get older the less you give a damn about the little things that used to worry the life out of you? I do, and I find it very relaxing, actually I’m beginning not to give a damn about the big things either, even more relaxing, but you have to keep tabs on your relaxation rate otherwise you could relax yourself to death, that nearly happened to me a couple of times, waking up thinking I was in heaven, only to be kicked back to Earth by the dog barking or the wife shaking me by the shoulders, besides wives are there to ensure your relaxation doses are minimised. Still you can’t beat relaxing in a comfortable armchair with a drink in one hand and cigar in the other and not a care in the world, moments like these seldom come to us but when the do cherish them for there’s nothing as bad as a troubled mind. Cheers!
well I’ve given up wearing vests an underpants -just more to wash and iron = although I must confess never met anyone who irons vests and underpants. but in a hot clime as I is a loose throw on shirt and shorts is sufficient just have plenty of them.
My dear brother taught me the ‘art’ of wearing non-ironed shirts - take crumpled shirt out of drawer or wardrobe and place on body - again in a warm clime it becomes wrinkle free in minutes -less time to worry about life innit. a good squirt of underarm spray negates the need to shower before meeting the world and a few wet hands through the forelock and a quick comb and a man is ready to meet the world - now women there’s a different species again innit!
Be careful, it is unproved but the Underarm sprays my be carcinogenic.
I like carcinogenic! - I’m with Jem who gives a f…k - and anyway whats an armpit or two less??
[CENTER]breakfast for the Gods[/CENTER]
well the Buddhist Gods at least. with a thai daughter in -law living with me and her family [from time to time]I have been accustomed to waking to the Asian left overs from the night before so cornflake or oats don’t appeal too much. today after another globe trotting move I am finally settling in and treated myself to thai prawn breakfast soup.
boil a liter of water in pan and add your noodles of choice - mine this time were pad thai noodles but any will do - then a handful of banana prawns - frozen - after a little while cauliflower and kale tops - handful of bean shoots and one spring onion chopped to garnish - add spices to your level of murderous intent - sprinkle of fish sauce and top with more muddy colored watery soup to level desired and heaven ascends as the heat climbs up from the feet. divine
now who could face cornflakes after that?
Good for you Gumbud, that’s the life.
My dear old Mother, God be good to her, never minded doing the housework and never complained, except for the ironing, she detested doing it and all the boys in the house had to do they’re own, which of course we seldom bothered and got big Sister to do it for us when she was around. The Mother used to say “There are clean shirts in the press boys but they are HOYOB specials” We all knew too well that meant, the Heat Of Your Own Body would do the ironing, and in the Irish climate that could take quite a while.
On the danger list.
Whatever happened to the “Danger List”. Folks who were gravely ill were referred to in hushed tones as being on the danger list.
Where’d it go?
What about Accident “Black Spots”, roads notorious for car crashes & grisly ends. Are the roads trouble free now?
I have written before about the disappearance of the “MEAT DRAW” & it has vanished, along with their promoters, the working class pubs & clubs of Old Albion.
That reminds me of my dear late mother and her sayings
“Get out of my sight”
“What you crying for?, let me give you something to cry for” followed by a left hook
" Watch what you’re doing with that umbrella, you’ll have someones eye out"
“You are stupid”
Uncle Vivian was much more kindly disposed towards me & taught me to read & write before I went to school.
He had endless praise for me. He lodged with us until I was 5 . My mother booted him out after he sold all of her jewellery in 1953. This was just before he assumed the title of Reverend Le Clerc & went out to Namibia as a missionary to the Hottentots.
But that’s another story…
I well remember the danger list, my Dad had TB and was on the danger list so often the other patients used to call him Danger Man, he was the original Superhero for me and went on the outlive them all, even the young doctors, he was 94 when he passed away.
The Mothers had their own code for bringing up children then, and they did a fine job in most cases, didn’t have to read any books on child raring, it all came naturally to them.
There are indeed lots of old expressions on the danger list today RJ and the ones you mention are prime examples, say some of them to the kids today and you’d be arrested. As a boy I would overhear the adults talking in the kitchen, “Did you hear about Johnny Ryan?, he dropped dead in the middle of his breakfast, some sort of a seizure it was” The ‘dropped dead’ lost it’s shock impact when it later became ‘collapsed’, I used to try to figure out how one could drop dead if one was seated at a table. Then you had ‘nerve trouble’ lots of women suffered from nerve trouble whatever that was, and if you were slightly unbalanced you had ‘brain fever’
Whatever happened to all the boils people used to get? nobody seems to get boils anymore, and where did rickets go to? “O’er the hill and down the road came a man who’s legs were bowed”
I have very few recollections, just shady memories of Drumming up support for a trip to Bongo Bongo Land.
norty spitty
a good read Jem
Just came across a site for Lumberjacks, seems they get barred if they don’t log in every day.