[LIST]
[]What’s a frog’s favorite drink?
[]Croaka Cola.
[/LIST]
That reminds me of the time I crushed my foot when my ego fell on it.
Ah the old crushed feet RJ, did you know that crunchy pigs feet or crubeens are a delicacy over here? my missus loves them, so much so that I’ve had to make two iron ‘Slippers’ to wear in bed in case she turns cannibalistic during the night.
I went across to the church earlier to pay me respects to an old neighbour who died recently and was spending the night in the church, thats what they do here, you come from the hospital/funeral parlour to the church in the same day (if you were RC that is and wanted it) and you lie there in the mortuary recess until the next morning, (in your coffin of course not naked:-D) then there is a mass then off you go and down you go from whence you came, none of this hanging around for a week or more. I don’t know if you ever heard the expression often used as a threat by gangsters “How’d yeh like to spend the night in the church?” well thats where it comes from.
His wife was sitting in the first pew nearest the alter and as the mourners slowly got to her they took her hand and said the usual “Sorry for your trouble Missus”, when I got to her I said the same and she replied “He was a good Man Jimmy” Indeed he was, a kind decent old soul who never had a bad word to say about anybody. I thought it was a lovely simple yet wonderful thing say about a man when he passes on, “He was a good man” I would go to me maker happy if the missus said that about me.
I said to the doctor “Every time I sneeze my eyesight becomes blurred”
He replied “Easily cured,Pug-clean your glasses BEFORE you blow your nose!”
she was only a window cleaners daughter but she could shin up the ladders in her stockings [how we wished we could follow!]
The tables have been turned again
The practice does get weary
Every time the table turns
I drop my plate eyes weary
Thank god the chairs don’t share same fate
I’d have to sit on sofa
And all the springs have sprung from that
Don’t want to be a loafer!
I have farted in bed every night for the last couple of weeks, but fortunately the wife slept through. Last night I let rip with gay abandon and the wife woke up, I knew it was only a matter of time before she got a rude awakening.
Shouldn’t that be ‘AFTER’?
depends which side of the glass or sneeze you look?
When I was seventeen I was made a bench foreman in charge a five seater bench in the workshop, one of my tasks was to hand out the wage packets on friday night to the five workers sitting at the bench, they were four lads and a young sixteen year old girl by the name of Ursula Ryan.
The first time I handled this task I just copied what the chap before me used to do and that was call them by their first initial then their surname so I started off, T. O’Connor, and he stands up to take the packet, F. Murphy, G. O’ Mara, H. Smith, and finally U. Ryan, who stood up and slapped me on the face saying “Are you taking the piss” That is a true tale Folks.
well you could have pronounced it with a better accent emphasizing RY - I supposed it was that bog accent that let you down heh?
As we grow older we have to face the fact that many of our friends and relatives are no longer with us… One by one they have passed on to Glory, and we who are left become the older generation. We begin to see life and people in a different light. Tolerance, patience, forbearance and compassion rise up and we can understand why certain things are the way they are and why others struggle. Sometimes we are standing side by side, sometimes humbly and in silence. With the passing of the years, past events which were a mystery at the time become perfectly clear and can be released.
That’s my deep thought for the day, now where are the head ache pills
Of course I would ask someone to open the window.
I can feel the chains of scroogie dragging after me already and the 100 lashes of the saracen whips - may be all R.I.P
Roberts tombstone should ready - “I cheered them up as much as I could - a man can do no more”!:-D:confused:
Just my slant on life today…reading it again in the cold light of day, I wouldn’t change a word, cheerful or not.
I have these deep thoughts now and again and, unusually for a confirmed introvert, I am compelled to share them.
Nowt wrong with a bit of Soliloquy.
There was uproar in the monastery at morning prayers
“Someone chanted Evening”
When I was young I wanted to be a Monk, while all the other kids were playing Superman and Batman I had a little Monks hut down the end of the garden where I sat in silence dressed in a homemade habit made from an old brown blanket, my task was to copy ‘Uncle Tom’s Cabin’ by candlelight in handscript with green and red scrolls down the side of each page, I think I got two pages done before I got pissed off. I once went up to Mount Olive but she wasn’t in according to her Mother.
Olive’s mother sounds superior.
My own mother was named Olive Violet, after her mother’s 7th sister Violet Olive, who was a bit backward.
I’m named after, not my uncle Vivian, rather uncle Bob aka Robert, making a total of 9 generations of ROBERT since 1798.
If that strikes you as boring then spare a thought for the genus xylophagous, the common boring beetles.
Pesky things live as larvae (woodworm)for a time then change in to a beautiful adult bug.
What’s bugging me right now is having to call in someone to fix my pc when it absconds.
On the weekend we’re fixing to tour the New Forest .A scone and cream tea is likely.
I cream of Jeanie with the light brown hair.