Jokes for today

I just went out to my shed after hearing a strange noise, only to find a large striped cat chewing the handle of my claw hammer.

I think the cat must be a Tool Eater Jag.

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I went shopping at the supermarket today and tripped over a box of tissues and hurt my ankle, it was soft tissue damage.

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I forgot to pay my subscription to the council for my allotment, I’ve lost the plot.

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I walked into a strange pub and saw all the customers were covered in angry red spots.

Then I realised it was a shingles bar

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Are you familiar with the website, Notalwaysright, as in, the customer is not always right? Customers being mistaken for staff and then being shouted at with threats of getting them fired is a common occurrence there.

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