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Woman to husband: “Did you know that a recent study has shown that women who carry extra weight live longer than the men who mention it?”
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Went to the doctor’s once with a sore bottom. He diagnosed that I had lettuce up there. I asked if it was serious and he gave me a worried look. “I’m afraid it’s just the tip of the iceberg…”
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Beware the Ides of March
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Paddy takes his new wife to bed on their wedding night.
She undresses, lies on the bed spread-eagled and says
“You know what I want, don’t you?”
“Yeah,” says Paddy. “The whole bed by the looks of it!”
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I left my job at the Helium factory today, i won’t tolerate being spoken to in that tone of voice
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