I will always be here for you Dreamy.
Fed up with things today too and perhaps a bit more than usual. I believe it was a medical error which made me that ill. I feel I have no power and therein lies the ptoblem. I donāt want to be going home and the exact sane thing happening again (not the medical error which caused these infections), but more infections requiring more intravenous drugs. I think Iād rather kill myself than live that way.
Itās impossible not to think about my health when it consumes every waking moment. My first cancer and even the acute pancreatitis were much more bearable.
There is no joy, not even in going home. Not when Iām faced with just coming back again, time after time. The doctors donāt know what they are doing with the antibiotics, just giving me the strong ones they guess might work.
Oh my lovely Dreamy, you are really down.
I will say in all honesty, I would be the same. I really hope that you start to feel better soon, as it is enough knowing you have Cancer, let alone contracting infections.
I didnāt have 1 infection with the Hodgkins Lymphoma.
Ffosse, I understand how you are feeling, some days I think things will never be ānormalā again. Then thereās the tiredness and fatigue and just wanting to sleep all the time. But after a few days I can feel completely different, still tired but able to do a few jobs and enjoy life!
Its being in hospital and the near certainty of being back again which is killing me.
They will get to the bottom of it and make you well again Ffosse, please try to think positive, I know how hard it can be but we have to fight.
Well i should be going home tomorrow for a week or however long it takes to get this sick again. Perhaps this time they will give me some antibiotics to help me.
That is good news then and Iām sure theyāll give you all the necessary meds for whilst youāre at home.
You were be happier at home Dreamy. Stay positive my lovely friend. X
Now they want to move me to a boiling hot 4 bedroom for the rest of my stay. Im sick of being moved. They always move me - its so sressful moving from one environment to another. Would just discharge my self except Iām on an IV for antibiotics. Might still just go home anyway.
I thought you were going home tomorrow Ffosse so itās only overnight and hopefully will be cooler. Try to stay calm and look forward to sleeping in your own bed tomorrow. I know itās not easy.
Itās not cooler - itās boiling and although the consultant said she wants me home on Monday, I know Iām not better but definitely will be leaving tomorrow or later tonight.
I donāt want any more contact with the hospital so wonāt be attending any further appointments even if I get really sick at home. Id sooner die in my bed than seek help for anything else new.
Oh Dreamy, you really are down.
Only you can decide, I will always support your decision, it is your life.
Iām not going to argue, as it is your choice.
Let us know what you decide.
Well. What quality of life will i have going into hospital with every infection I get? Iām just wasting time and money here as I havenāt been able to work.
And i do blame a consultant and a clinical haemotology nurse for my current issues. I wonāt be seeing them again.
Iām flying home tomorrow Dreamy, I will check this thread as soon as I am back.
Good Night my lovely friend.
Thanks, Sweetie - I may fly down South and we can meet up, if you can recommend a good B&B for me.
Great now they want to send me home with the same white blood cell booster injections i am allergic to in preparation for my methotrexate which they want to give me next week. Sorry, but thatās not happening.
I told them that i was at the point of ceasing treatment but no. They are looking to get a consultant to have a word with me. Its my choice what I do. Either way it looks like Iāll be here until this evening.
Just got home with 2 different types of antibiotics to take and 5 syringes of a drug which elevates white blood cell count.
The plan now is to go ahead with the methotrexate on Thursday 19th at 1pm. This is part 2 of 2 so it makes sense to take it. Iāll be in hospital on my Birthday once more.
They wanted me in on Monday but I have a long standing appointment with my G.P. and, as she normally spends 30 or 40 minutes with me I donāt want to miss it. Another appointment I have is on Wednesday with a Psychiatrist - this appointment has been cancelled and re-scheduled so many times due to my cancer that I find it vitally important to attend just so that my head can be in the right place come 10 days time, and itās good that itās just one day before the inpatient chemo.
My biggest worry is waking up shivering and shaking, vomiting from another infection but the antibiotics should work by then.
I can get a little hysterical when things donāt go my own way but thereās nothing worse being in hospital during hot weather, not knowing if Iāll sleep in the same bed or even ward that night.
I simply wish I had more energy - walking any distance is still exhausting even on cool mornings like we had today. I decided to visit the hospital shop which is down a few stairs and along a corridor and it made me so out of breath.
I saw one of my Consultants and she was quite reassuring: once the methotrexate is out of the way there are no more treatments for me, aside from one more MRI and a CT scan then a visit with my main Consultant in August. Iām just a little put out that the methotrexate has been cancelled three times now and could be again. There was no delay in getting the first one done.