Is It Bad I Don't GAF About Our Anniversary?

Dont get me wrong, I just dont want to do anything. Hubby keeps asking what I want to do for our anniversary. For 15 years, I’ve made all the plans and arrangements. Last year, I even drove the entire way, paid for almost everything just to get out and do something. I wouldn’t call it a celebration. We just go and do something so we can say we did something and because that’s what we’re supposed to do.
Honestly, this year I don’t gaf. I don’t want a divorce or anything, I’m just tired of all the effort, money and travel just so we both sit on our phones or watch TV. We can do that at home.
I dont know if that means something is wrong or its part of getting older and being married a long time. Anyone else going through this?

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You are not alone in feeling like this.
I think it is quite a common feeling when a couple has been together a long time and one of them feels that the other isn’t pulling their weight in maintaining their relationship.

Quite a few my friends who have been married a long time have told me they feel the same as you describe - not just about anniversaries but also about holidays, trips out and social occasions.

Most of them tell me they do not mind doing all the booking and organising but what they find most dispiriting is that, after spending all that time and effort to plan a lovely holiday, their partner doesn’t make much of an effort to try to make it an entertaining or enjoyable experience.
If the person you’re on holiday with doesn’t make any effort or even bother to chat to you much at mealtimes, there must come a time when you can’t see the point of making any effort yourself.

Quite a lot of my long-married friends now will only take holidays with their partner if it’s part of a family holiday or with other couples / friends - they say they find it too boring to go on holiday just as a couple because their partner makes little effort to entertain them or keep the conversation going.


Yes, it’s good to entertain your partner.



Not exactly true…
I do like to holiday with friends and family, even day trips with friends to catch up on all the latest gossip, but Mrs Fox and me love to spend time by ourselves. We never ever watch TV while on holiday and we do not possess smartphones, although I have been known to take my laptop on holiday and report in to the forum. We walk and find some nice places to eat during the day or just enjoy the scenery. Some shopping, or visiting museums, art galleries, stately homes, castles and gardens. In the evening we play scrabble, dance or just sit and talk and make plans about tomorrows adventure. If we stayed at home we would both probably find a job or cook and wash the pots. We always stay in the best hotel we can afford and usually eat in the restaurant after a tiring day walking or swimming, or just lazing on a beach…


Its refreshing, to ignore each other in a different environment :smile:


We take no notice now. We’re happy to keep ignoring each other in the same environment. Don’t know if that would be different if we were able to get out more. Maybe so.

I am not surprised you don’t want to go anywhere ,
Don’t settle for this go and do something exciting by yourself !
Go on an adventure holiday ,hiking , riding climbing .
Or do some residential course somewhere ,something you like .
Where there are others who will talk to you
Why waste time and money having a boring time .

PS that’s a beautiful dog you have there .
I have had three Doberman in my life .
I loved them all dearly

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Thank you. She is 7 months old and consumes my entire day. I adopted her because my other dog passed last year. I’ve always wanted a Doberman! They’re so beautiful, sleek and majestic, like they should be guarding royalty! She is so smart and amazing…well, you know how they are. lol
She’s my only friend. I don’t socialize or have any friends nearby being a nerd and introvert.
I’d love to move to Florida where my other friends are, but hubs couldn’t stand that heat. The dog would love it though! Maybe I’ll buy an RV and find me a little plot somewhere just for me and the dog when she’s older. lol
I have a dream now. Running off to Florida with my dog!

After I get some bills paid off, that is. lol

OGF, you sound like a couple straight out of a Lifetime/Hallmark movie. lol
Seriously, I’m happy for you that you have something special. It’s nice to know people like this exist out there and cherish their partners.

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Yes, we do too Mr Foxy. Us time if you like.


Thanks AFLady, we have our ups and downs, but I find that the downs only seem to appear when we are at home and one of us gets stressed. Sometimes this bungalow isn’t big enough for the both of us, and we all need some space at times…x

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I always ask the wife what she wants to do for anniversary and take it from there. Usually its get dressed up and go for a fancy meal, drive to London to see a show. Last year it was sit at home and have a Chinese. Whatever, all anniversaries must be accompanied with the mandatory card and flowers.


Well said Graham…Absolutely…

Been married 47 years tomorrow and TBH will be surprised if husband even remembers. I book all our holidays and in the last few years have paid for them as well.

He has never booked a meal, holiday, outing as a surprise. It’s just not him.

Last year I booked and paid for a trip on The Northern Belle train which was great but I think I could have gone for a week in Spain for what it cost.

I don’t think he’s going to change his ways now.

Do you think being in a second marriage means that it will take longer before I feel like this? :rofl::rofl: I certainly hope so!

I love being with him wherever it is, and we certainly don’t ignore each other, that would make us both cry :rofl:

I don’t think it’s wrong that you don’t GAF, but I do think it’s terribly sad, when did you start to give up?

Do you intend to carry on together like that until the end, not enjoying each others company or plans? :anguished:

If you can’t find any joy together, then I’d definitely be wondering about staying together

But if circumstances mean you must, then you definitely need to find some joy and fun elsewhere

(And I’m not talking about sex here, you dirty minded lot!)


Nothing wrong with wanting to do something on anniversaries. Nothing wrong if not. It just has to be a genuine mutual feeling. We have often said that a happy relationship is being able to sit comfortably together without feeling a need to keep talking or be demonstrative. This applied even when we were younger and more capable of marking an anniversary . Life was certainly full of fun at many other times. It’s what is called being well-suited I suppose and perhaps that’s the important thing.


It didn’t even enter my mind Maree…

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As predicted, husband forgot it was our wedding anniversary. (Despite it being on the kitchen calendar).

He went off to work and came back with a bottle of Malibu for me.

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Happy Anniversary Rose… :mini: Are you dancing?

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