I’ve got a very good friend who has hit 30 stone now.
He is a lovely, kind generous and intelligent person but he just can’t control his eating
He was in hospital a couple of months ago because his legs were giving way and since then his sister has had him staying with her while she spring cleaned and decluttered his flat and it’s adapted so he can manage better.
He works two jobs, one 9-5 in an office and then two shifts in Asda’s to get the discount to pay for his food but he has trouble walking more than a few yards and struggles to get up out of chairs and going up stairs
His sister has had him on a healthy regime, cooking him meals and making sure he doesn’t pig out and he was starting to look a bit healthier
But they’ve had a row and she’s thrown him out because she found a hidden stash of sweeties in his room. He’s staying with his friend.
I’m sure they’ll make it up because she loves him dearly but I can understand her frustration. She’s put in such a lot of work to help him
But it’s like addiction or alcoholism, isn’t it? How do you help him without enabling his eating?
It’s very frustrating to see someone you love eat themselves to death.
It must take a tremendous amount of will power to cut down on eating … the same as booze or fags and the only way is to cut down because you really want to.
He sounds pretty active …it’s a wonder he’s obese.
He’s a worker, you have to give him that. But both jobs involve sitting down all day, so no, he’s not really active. His mobility is very limited now.
He does try to cut down and he’s ashamed of his eating and does a lot of hiding food and sneaking off to eat
I’ve seen him crying while he’s eating because he just can’t stop himself
I suppose it’s become a vicious circle … trying not to eat … failing and eating what he shouldn’t and so feeling miserable and then eating more food for comfort …
I suppose all manner of diets have been tried by now ?
… even ones where he’s allowed a treat. I know that sounds facetious but I can cut down as long as i’m allowed one little indulgence. (like a stashed bag of chocolate raisins or jaffa cakes).
He’s tried various diets and is on a program with the hospital nutritionist but he just hasn’t will power. They try to concentrate on making one small change a month rather than radical diet changes. Last month he had to swap regular coke to Diet Coke and this month they want him to prepare a graze box of healthier snacks to take to work instead of buying chocolate and crisps. He sticks to it for a while then lapsed
It’s not will power. It’s actually making the decision for himself. If he genuinely wants to do something about it, then he will. At present he doesn’t, so he won’t.
Yes, I’ve lived with an alcoholic and it really is very similar, with the lying and hiding their stash. You really can’t help until they really want to change
Well no, he’s loves his chocolate and carrots aren’t the same. She is terrified for him, we all are, especially after his lay period of hospitalisation. He’s only 42
Eating that much is filling an emotional void. My friend’s partner does it when she is not around. He gets anxious when on his own and food helps comfort him. So there is likely more to this than meets the eye. If it is a psychological need then appetite suppressors won’t help.
Also it’s very difficult even if you do lose weight because once you get to a certain size the effects of losing weight, the skin not shrinking etc can be quite distressing in themselves. Some people have that stomach op but it can be dangerous. It takes months of effort to lose weight safely and healthily.
What about a gastric band? Or like was mentioned, appetite suppressants. This is affecting his mental health so he will never be in a position to just “decide” not to do it anymore…
I’ve known him for many years and while he was always a bit “big” and liked his food this problem started when his mother died when he was about 17. His family split up, his father went to live elsewhere with another lady and he was more or less left fending for himself, he bought a flat with a big mortgage and some money his mum left him.He had a Gran who used to feed him up, to comfort him, I think. He’s got bigger and bigger ever since.
I’m no psychologist but I think it’s low self-esteem, he doesn’t think he deserves better.
I just want him to want things for himself, a better job, girlfriends, a healthy body, a lovely home (he’s a slob, his flat is a tip unless his sister sorts it)
He’s got a first class degree in chemistry and he’s working in Asda’s on the till
They did consider a gastric band but the procedure would be too dangerous in his case. He has high blood pressure and sleep apnoea because of the fat around his neck ( he has to use one of those respirator mask things at night) and the anaesthetist said surgery would be too dangerous.
I think he needs counselling but they don’t seem to offer that
