Feelin' Lonely, Tonight!

General Chat Chat / Discussions
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I’m lonely, tonight! I’m lonely on pretty much all of the overnighters!

The deathly silence is almost threatening, in nature, and music doesn’t help. I wish I had a ton of folk to talk to on the phone, during overnighters, like this. Dots on a screen are a poor substitute for having company. I keep envisaging a gigantic, country-wide network of 24-7 phoners and the phoned, all helping others through the graveyard quiet and maybe kicking up a few laughs along the way.

There are people I miss from my life - mostly because they’re no longer living theirs…they would be good at the chat job because many of them knew me so well. Until I find an answer to the loneliness thing, I’ll just keep bleating about it, and wishing it would end.

I wish Lin would quit it with all this silly death stuff, and come back and be with me! I’ll never know her like, again!

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sorry you feeling lonely,…not sure what overnighters is , perhaps you could explain .?
Have you thought of getting a pet , they are good company and get you through those lonely periods .

I like the quietness of Nature , when you can look around and soak up what you see .

I carn’t say i miss anyone from my past , other than the ones i didnt know , the ones that had expired before me , would liked to have known what they look like and ask them questions .

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Sorry you’re feeling lonely.

I’m not where you are, so I haven’t called this number for Samaritans and can’t vouch for them, but I thought this might be of interest. They have a phone number to call.

If you like voice contact, you might also try checking out Discord servers. If you can find the right one, they have voice chats on them. I haven’t found one to suit me yet, but I’ve been browsing on the groups occasionally.

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The “overnighters” are just those times during most people’s “middle of the night”…the midnight to around 8am. My body’s cycles see me being awake during the night (“overnighters”) and asleep during the day. Every time I try to force the times around, even gradually, my body punishes me in various mental health ways.

Thank you, for replying. :slight_smile:

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I’ve spoken to the Samaritans and the only problem with those is that it’s almost a guarantee that you’ll end up talking to somebody new, pretty much every time you phone them. In crises, they’re pretty good, but I suppose I’m trying to describe being able to talk, overnight, to somebody often, regularly, that already knows me…a friend, so to speak.

I’ve never heard of “Discord servers”. Can you give me an idea what they are, and what is involved?

Thank you, for replying. :slight_smile:

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Hi
I’m on my own ,just me and my little dog .
Everyone is different …I love the quiet velvety darkness.
However If I can’t get to sleep often go make myself a cuppa , just a break from laying in bed thinking about not sleeping works for me .
Talking books are also a good aid to sleep , I never get to hear the end :grinning:

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I, too, have found that my friends & acquaintances have reduced in number over the years, and now I live on my own, so I am in a similar situation

Something you must realise & accept is that no-one is going to come knocking on your door, it’s no good slumping around & feeling sorry for yourself, you have to make the effort to get out & about
Although I can’t help you with phoning people at night, here are a few things I’m doing to meet people, and other suggestions -

I used to do a lot of hiking, but as my legs are no longer up to it I’ve left the walking club and started doing Tai Chi, which is a martial art, but not as aggressive as things like judo or karate, at a local class. There is a spiritual element to it, which I just dismissed when I started, but now, after several months, I’m thinking; well, maybe…
Search YouTube to get the idea

I’ve joined the local Working Men’s Club
Yes, they tend to cater mainly for racing & football, which don’t interest me, but they’re a friendly bunch, and I’m getting to know them
I’ve cut down on a lot of drinking, so now I have shandy or blackcurrant & soda, and no-one minds

My hobbies are model planes, knife making, and leatherwork, which tend to be solitary, but I’ve been to shows, and use Forums & Facebook Groups - sometimes they have meetups, or you might find someone with similar interests near you

I help with a local group that do tree planting, tidying rough ground, that sort of thing; I think I’ll try to do more of that

My neighbour said she was 82, and has a very active social life, helping with the church, coffee mornings, table top sales, going bowling

There are several community groups in my area, I’ve been to a couple, but nothing has taken my interest so far, but you might do

Another neighbour is keen on football. Although he’s no longer fit enough to play anything like seriously, he helps with setting out the training gear & equipment, ferrying kids around to matches, washing kit, etc.

Oh, just remembered, there’s walking rugby, or walking football; it doesn’t interest me, but you might

Ever hear of Men’s Sheds?
They’re an answer to men in our sort of situation, like social or self - help groups, but based on practical stuff like woodwork & car maintenance
I was very keen on the idea but there isn’t one near me but I’ve visited a couple and wouldn’t mind helping to start one
Have a look at www.menssheds.org.uk

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@zuludog Excelent post , lots there to go at and there maybe some Night Owls among them that would chat on the Phone .
Also it might be worth looking at forums in a different time zone those who have days when we have nights , plenty to talk to there , but not everyone will want to give out a Phone number to chat ,

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Ian I don’t know when you lost Lin but I do know that grief is hard to deal with. You obviously miss having her to talk to, but you know she can’t come back to you so you must try to live your life without her…as I am sure she would want you to.
Have a look at the site zuludog suggested & see if there is one near where you live, because chatting to other men who are lonely may provide you with ideas of how to overcome your loneliness.

Harbal’s post may have seemed a bit harsh, but what he said was right… the way to make somebody interested in chatting with you is to be friendly & chatty. Friendship usually starts with a smile & maybe a question like " the weather is much better today, isn’t it? ", If they want to chat that can lead to a conversation.
Staying awake all night will increase your loneliness but getting out in the day may help you find new people to chat with.
If you find people to chat with during the day you may find sleep comes more easily in the night.
I hope you will try! :slightly_smiling_face:

Sorry Eliza I was replying to Ian, not you,
but I dont know how to chage it! :blush:

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As I mentioned, I haven’t got a local Men’s Shed, but I’ve visited a couple, and here’s a tale I was told

A local man was in a familiar position - his wife had died, kids grown up & moved away, retired and lost touch with his old friends & workmates
And so he became very depressed & lonely, said weeks went by without talking to anyone; on antidepressants, often he woke up crying because he was so lonely & desperate

He went for a repeat prescription, but his doctor was a gentleman of the old school, and said -
‘Right I’m not giving you any more pills until you’ve been to this lot!’

A Men’s Shed had just been opened in the town, and left leaflets at all the local doctors

The man had been an engineer, and quickly took the lead in restoring an old tractor…and made new friends in similar positions…and did the things that old men do, like grumbling about their knees, putting the world to rights, going to the pub, and all the rest of it … and he never took an antidepressant again

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I’ve lived alone for over 20 years now,and of course like some others,I do feel a bit lonely now & then,…I find keeping busy during the day,gardening,walking,getting out into the community,and offering help to some Folk who need it more than I,having an exercise routine,(even if it’s just dancing around the house to the radio)…in fact,doing things which tire You out during the day You will soon be able to sleep at night…so…time to give Yourself a good talking to Laddie :smiley:…wishing You pleasant dreams soon,x

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Nick Knowles often does a big build project, with local volunteers giving their time & work ability to help others.
I watched one recently where where a Man shed was part of the project & was amazed at how grateful the men that used it were. Many said they had made good friends by going there! :+1:

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You are right May, nobody can really help unless you help yourself, and there are more people about in the day so you end up ready for sleep at bedtime.

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Ian, have you been to grief counselling? Losing a loved one is incredibly hard and raw, and sometimes having someone to talk to about it (a professional I mean) can help you learn how to live your life alongside the grief you feel. Even getting a short term dose of medication (like anti-depressants) might give your low mood a lift and could even help your insomnia.

Other than that, I do think trying to keep busy and moving around a bit, either on your own or with others, will help you lots.

Being awake in the darkness is the worst of times to have your mind wander into the shadows. I hope you take up some of the suggestions on here and have some happier days. :hugs:

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I can’t recall if We had a bereavement thread on the old OFF…Maybe one is needed here where those grieving can
talk to others going through the same?

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I often find that sitting in a different chair helps. :thinking:

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18

Oh, I am so sorry

I don’t know how long ago your wife died but you are still grieving

And the loneliness and not sleeping is all part of that

So, be kind and gentle with yourself. As everyone has said there are many things you can do to ease your loneliness a bit when you’re ready

But I suspect you’re not ready yet, and there’s no rushing grieving. You may need to experience and endure the grief and loneliness a bit longer to work through it before you are ready to rebuild your life without her. Don’t rush and don’t feel guilty, there aren’t any shortcuts Be brave

You took a big step really, posting on here. This is a friendly place, not many around in the night, though, so I hope you keep posting if it helps xxx

I think maybe you should be a bit careful about live chatting online, yet, you might be too vulnerable and easily hurt, there are some funny ones out there

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I trained as a Samaritan and I can tell you that the “burn out” rate for them is pretty high so, it comes as no surprise to me that you spoke to someone new on a frequent basis. I lasted 9 months as a call handler for them.

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I had no idea you were a burnt out Samaritan, Percy. Do you get flashbacks or anything? :thinking:

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Fortunately no. It has been too many years since I was a Sam.