More mangled English:
On Hunter Biden:
Gun charges are very serious. You know, people have had gun charges and gone to jail for a lot of, a lot of years. I pardoned some people who I thought it was just horrible what happened. But they were put in jail for many, many years, rappers and others.
On stuffing the ballot boxes:
You have people that went and voted in one place, another place, another place, as many as, I understand, 28 different places in one day with seven, eight, nine ballots apiece. They can’t do it anymore, because it would look too phony. These were professional people. They were stuffing the ballot boxes. It’s there.
On Impeachment
I mean, when I was impeached for a perfect phone call, and now it turned out to be perfect. I hope you will admit that, at least. Because I was right, 100% right. But I was impeached for a perfect phone call. And how sad that is. And we had 196 to nothing vote — Republicans. Very unusual for the Republican Party. I was so proud of them. A hundred ninety six. The entire House, not one person dissented. And then — other than Romney, who sort of gave me half a vote. But we had 100% in the Senate. People think I was treated very unfairly.
On the Economy
We had an election that was very, very terrible. It was a terrible thing for our country. And you have to learn from that. You can’t forget that and just go — now, with all of the things that we said, I had the best economy maybe in history.
On Oil
We have more oil, I call it liquid gold, under our feet than any other country — Saudi Arabia, Russia. There’s no country with more — and it’s sweet. It’s the finest. We have the best. You know, we’re taking it from Venezuela. You know what it is? Tar.
On Trump
I predicted a lot of things, frankly, you know? They say, “Trump was right about everything.” I think that the way it’s going now, you’re going to have to — things are not going, right now, very well for the consumer. Bacon is up five times. Food is up horribly, worse than energy. Energy is starting to go up at a level that we haven’t seen in a long time, meaning a couple of years — since he took over, because I had energy prices very low. I had gasoline very low. We have to get the energy down, which they will never do. And they kept it artificial because they took the strategic reserves, which I had a lot to do with filling up for the first time ever. They took the strategic reserves, and he issued it to everybody so that he could keep the gas prices down. Now, strategic reserves are at the lowest level they’ve ever been at, and we need that for war.
Interviewer
You also added $8 trillion to the national debt. Your GOP challenger Nikki Haley made that point saying, quote, “The truth is that Biden didn’t do this to us. Republicans did this to us.” Does she have a point?
Trump
So, we had a thing happen to us. We had the greatest economy in history, and then we got hit with Covid. And we had to keep this, this beautiful thing going. And if I didn’t do that, if we didn’t put some money — and nobody knew what Covid was. Remember this was a new thing that came in. Somebody said, “It’s dust coming in from China.” It came from China. They tried and denied it, or they tried for a little while, and we didn’t let it. It came from Wuhan actually, which now they agree. Everybody’s now agreeing that it came from Wuhan. I said that years ago. But we had to do things that were very severe. We had to let some money come out. We were going to — we were on the verge of doing something that was amazing. We were going to have energy at a level bigger than Russia and Saudi Arabia combined. That energy was going to be sold to Europe and all other places. The prices would have come down. We were going to make a fortune, and we were going to start paying off debt. Instead, we got hit with Covid. People didn’t need oil, because nobody was driving all over the world, I mean, frankly. It was a disaster. What China did to the world with Covid is something that we’re going to get to the bottom of. And they have to pay something back. You know, nobody can pay back the cost of all those lives and all the money that was lost. But nobody can back the lives and all of the damage that was caused, including China —
Interviewer
But to Nikki Haley’s key argument, Mr. President —
Trump
What does Nikki Haley know? I mean, I know Nikki Haley very well. She said I’m the greatest president. She left, she said I’m the greatest president. Now she’s running for office, and she says something. Look, look, Nikki Haley doesn’t know anything about it. She’s a politician. She knows nothing about it. Very nice woman. Some people like that, I would say. But she left office. She said very strongly, “I will never run. He was a great president,” and then in some cases said, “the greatest president in my lifetime,” in one case said, “ the greatest president ever.” Now she’s running. Nikki Haley has nothing to do with this. We will — we were going to make a fortune off our energy. We were going to send the energy to Europe. Europe was going to pay us tremendous amounts of money. And I’ll tell you, you would have never had the Ukraine monster at all. It would’ve never happened. Russia would’ve never gotten — just by sheer force of personality. But beyond personality, what happened is when oil hit $100 a barrel, and by the way, it’s right there right now again, Putin makes a fortune on this war. You know, everybody said, “Oh, he can’t afford it.” If Biden allowed my policies to stay in place, oil would right now be at $40 a barrel, and Putin wouldn’t be able to afford the war.
I could go on but I’m about to micturate myself from laughing at Trump’s abominations … 
