It’s nothing like welching on a debt! Never welched on a debt in my life. Maybe you meant ‘deal’. That could be more it. One thing this thread has done is to open old wounds that took a while to heal, so thanks for that RS. I guess some might think this kind of wound should never be allowed to heal anyway.
It seems you and some others have been fortunate in life. Me? …not so. Ill-fortune has dogged us over the years. Only a few life-long friends know how much.
Despite all, I fortunately still have a generally happy disposition according to those who know me personally so, a derisory gesture to all character criticisers and judges I say. I think people really shouldn’t judge others by how their own lives have gone.
I’ve got friends who stayed friends when the divorce was taking place. We are still friends and I see them to this day. They know my entire character see? Not judged on that one action but as a whole person. Something not possible on forums, which is one reason why I am bit less enamoured with them than I used to be. I’m sure there is much more to people than we will ever gather from the written word. I used to think there are a few on here it might be good to meet but maybe it wouldn’t work out.
Wow Foxy. Are you on speed or something?
You go all over the place when conversing.
You agree that nobody should have to put up with anyone they find unacceptable but then you go on to say that if you get a divorce, that should be it for you. Are you kidding me? If your husband is a violent alcoholic who drinks often and beats you up, it’s ok to divorce him but you are to be punished for life and never marry again?
This means that the unsuspecting victim gets punished for the rest of their life for marrying an aggressive villain. Does that seriously sound right to you?
If you’ve said your vows to another stating you’d love them forever and they will love you, once violence comes into the picture that promise of ‘love’ has gone out the window. There was no love to promise to begin with so technically IS a NON binding contract. Violence makes it VOID.
In this day and age, a married couple should be completely happy with each other. Sure we should take the good with the bad but there’s only so many levels of bad a person should be expected to tolerate.
Also I would like to add that to make a marriage work both need to work at it . If the marriage is one sided where one gives all the time and the other takes then the giver eventually gives up giving . Caring and respect for one’s partner is a two way thing otherwise love flies out the window. Communication and listening is a must , if that doesn’t happen and one doesn’t listen then believe me it won’t work .
I’m sure each of us who has made our wedding vows to our partners meant those deep meaning words at the time and wanted to be married to the person we stood next to , but, people change and often don’t grow together. Why should an unhappy person stay if they are unhappy whether or not they made a promise , the partner made a promise too and they are breaking that promise by not caring enough to make the other feel loved and safe and supported .
To those here who are lucky enough to still care for each other because you both make sure each other is loved and supported then well done . I wish I had it , sadly I didn’t and don’t, and because of my experiences I choose to live alone because the only one who can hurt me now is me .
I married in church after a three year courtship,we were married for 32 years, i decided i could not stay with him any longer due to constant abuse on a daily basis.
Leaving/divorcing him was a breeze.
When he read the divorce papers he actually apologised,too little too late.
And no,i never broke any marriage vow.
Thankfully my son`s stood by me through out the whole episode.
Not everyone can be so lucky realspeed.
Nobody but the couple concerned truly knows the ins and outs of their marriage and what they think of each other. Some stay the course in what we are told is a loving relationship and those words are all we have to go on. We have to believe it to be true even though we’re not close enough to know how happy the marriage is.
We sometimes see couples who we think may not be happy but are still together. Not through love but because one or the other doesn’t want the trouble of upsetting the applecart. Seen that in a few cases. Easy then for one or the other to say they have the happy marriage that was avowed for.
I know this may be insulting to the long-term couples if they are truly happily married but no more insulting than one of those people saying that there is never a reason for anyone getting divorced after making vows. There is a case for thinking that the vows are already broken when one or the other hasn’t found what they thought they were getting in a partner and then have the courage to do something about it.
Nobody undertakes divorce lightly. It is a very painful business that takes much getting over no matter what the reason the split was or who was to blame. Although a divorce may have been inevitable, a person with a conscience will always regret the pain that was felt by all at the time no matter what.
Edit: I should add that there might be no reason for regret or conscience if the divorce was because someone turned out to be a complete (swearword).
Lets put it another way, if a person has the slightest doubt about their own ability, or their partners, to treat vows with absolute sanctity, a cohabitation agreement should be drawn up instead!
That’s kind of what I did the second time but there was no need for a cohabitation agreement. We were pretty sure of each other’s commitment. In fact, just as sure as when we married our first partners but look how that went. We both knew how feelings could change and that’s why we lived together for 3 years, by mutual agreement, before marrying again.
I think people really shouldn’t judge others by how their own lives have gone.
…….e