I remember one day realising that I finally knew who I was and why I was who I was.
It shocked me that I was in fact so wise and knowledgeable.
It was as if I was taking in all this information but was not aware of it. Then a switch was turned on and, Pow, here I was all growed up and so wise.
But it happened after I turned 45.
One day I was not consciously aware of my “Person”, the next I was.
Floored me really. That I had gone through life up to that stage, “Unaware”
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I was 21 years old. New Years Day - 1995. I realised that the little bundle in my arms was my only priority. A defining moment in my life. I remember it as if it were yesterday.
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I’m still waiting for my epiphany. 
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I don’t believe that I’m ever going to reach some kind of plateau when it comes to self awareness. There’s always something to reflect upon in life, experiences, twists and turns. “That’s life” as they say.
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Something to look forward to then. 
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I‘m still looking. I always feel that there is something I need to do – I don’t exactly fit into the mold I am in now even though I am content with my life. I wish enlightenment would come.
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My head popped out of Mum’s womb and there I was, raring to go.
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I found my thrill on Blueberry Hill
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I searched myself, I searched the town
When I finally did sit down
I find myself no wiser than before 
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Does one ever really find oneself?
Just when I think this is me the situation changes and I go with the flow , if you know what I mean?
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With age comes great wisdom. Just how old do you have to be for God’s sake?
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A lot older than me, that’s for sure!
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I didn’t know I was ever lost!
I don’t think you need to find yourself, you’ve been there all along, nobody knows you better than you
We forget who we are sometimes due to life’s stresses, but at the same time, dealing with those stresses is also who we are, we are a package
But sometimes specific things and events pop up remind us of just who we are and those are good moments
Some things that remind me who I am are seeing my husband and children happy, my book reading list, cooking, the sea, gratitude, Tai Chi, flirting, losing my temper, political arguments and having a right laugh at a dirty joke or a Carry On film
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I`m not there yet as i seem to learn something new every day.
But i am soooo happy with my life.
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I suppose I was lost because for 30 of those 45 years I was a severe alcoholic.
Life passed me by until I rid myself of the scourge of alcohol.
Once the fog lifted, wow, I saw myself for the first time and it was such a pleasant shock.
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Perhaps one never truly finds oneself. Perhaps it is something that can gradually change and develop (or regress). I thought I knew what I was about when I was in my late thirties, and through my forties I was pretty sure I’d got it all mostly right. Looking back, that was an element of ego over content - there were many aspects of myself I should not have been all that satisfied with. Now, having stopped work, I can take a different perspective and aim for a different attitude and sense of self.
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I think we are forever evolving, dependent on circumstances. You might find yourself today, and be lost again tomorrow. Being retired brings a certain stability to my life, but it is a lot different to the Robert of yesterday… 
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I once was lost but now am found, was blind but now can see
… which is of course about finding god … I think.
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Whoever you consider him to be… 
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The day my estranged father left home for good.
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