Ooh… that’s an awkward question, isn’t it?
What are your views, tell me… Your wife or your mother?
Or, if you’re married to, or have been married to someone who put their mother first.
1 Like
Spouse comes before a parent, I would hope 
5 Likes
Wife.
3 Likes
I never put Tony in a situation that he had to choose me before his mother. We all got on famously - she was the kindest woman on earth.
However, my friend had her mother in law living with them in her later years & friend & her often had a spat. Hubby unfortunately always took his mums side…
As a general rule though I would say the spouse should come first.
4 Likes
[quote=“carol, post:4, topic:85746, full:true”]
I never put Tony in a situation that he had to choose me before his mother. We all got on famously - she was the kindest woman on earth.
That’s how I like to see marriages ,Carol…
2 Likes
When I was married, I did not ask my ex-husband to choose even though she was not the best mother-in-law! I was brought up to respect my elders and so I did!
All these years later, she still telephones me and says I’m her only daughter-in-law even though the ex re-married.
Must have done something right…
To answer the OP question, your wife should always be first
5 Likes
I always know when the mother in law is coming round
The rats throw themselves on the traps….
Wifey is always first😀
2 Likes
My answer will be skewed as my controlling mother was in interfering harridan of the highest order.
It was she, who on the announcement of my engagement to my future wife, almost screamed “it will never happen or collapse within the first year”. We’ve been blissfully married for 54+yrs and have raised four daughters. Contact with mother was kept to the absolute minimum and even our daughters were very keen to keep their distance as soon as they could form their own opinions.
So with all of the above in mind, my wife has always come first and did so right from our first meaningful kiss before our inevitable engagement. . no contest!!
3 Likes
Sue comes first every time . The wife should come first as that is your choice, you can’t choose a mother
2 Likes
Some men are still very attached to their mothers, it’s as if the umbilical cord was never cut!
I am surprised that no one has said, ‘Stuff the mother and the wife…my money comes first’! 
Doesn’t it depend on what situation they differ on?
I am still very close to my first MIL and when her husband died she insisted that I went with her in the lead funeral car, whilst my ex and his new wife followed in the second.
Surely there is always an acceptable compromise, isn’t there? 
1 Like
The wife should be put first in most cases although I was very blessed with a wonderful mother in law and we became friends. Neither her or my mother ever interfered in our marriage.
In a serious situation for example his mother needing to go to hospital and I needed picking up from work the the mother in law needs to be put first.
I suppose it depends on how serious the situation is. If however there was a personally clash and vying for his attention i would be very annoyed if my husband didn’t back me up. Im glad I didn’t have a mummy’s boy for a husband
4 Likes
Before settling down there is nothing wrong with having “friends!” of the opposite sex if you get my drift. Getting married is a different ball game in my opinion. you are committing yourself to one person. if you can’t commit then don’t marry. This is why the wife should always come first.
Both our parents have passed away, but I well remember saying to mother-in-law she is welcome to come any time to our home but is she starts interferring then she can you know what. I decided ground rules needed to be spelt out to her at the outset so we had a life of our own.
The only time my mother fussed over me and went over the top was on the morning of the wedding, but looking back I suppose it was a natural reaction.
1 Like
It all depends on the person you are dealing with. I never wanted children & my husband knew that before we married. Both families also knew and nobody ever mentioned it.
1 Like
I am surprised that no one has said, ‘Stuff the mother and the wife…my money comes first’!
Ah, but money wasn’t mentioned in your question, was it.
I have had two mother-in-laws over the years, and neither of them ever forgave me for marrying their sons. Fortunately, the first one lived in Australia, but her visits were hard work.
My second husband was in his early 40’s when we first met, and was still living with his parents.
He had never cooked anything in his life, his Mum wouldn’t even let him make his own cup of tea! She even used to leave sweeties by his bedside to munch when he came home legless from the pub!
Years after, I got a nervous twitch around anyone still living with his Mum!
I always said if ever I married again, it would have to be to an orphan! 
1 Like
Unless he is Italian - then Momma rules - even when she is still in Italy!
2 Likes
Personally, I would suggest, there is a problem if that question needs to be asked.
1 Like
Which ever one cooks the best Sausage Egg and Chips. 
5 Likes
Parents, partners like children if all are loved, will all come first at some point or another.
Like who do you love the most? They would be loved equally, just in different ways.
I understand, have seen over powering/unloving Parents and partners, the efforts made pandering to their every whim to appease them, makes a choice an easy one.
Guess it depends what mood Mrs M is in when you ask me……