What is A.A.A.D.D. ? It is Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.
This is how it manifests:
I decide to water my garden. As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide it needs washing.
As I start toward the garage, I notice mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mail box earlier. I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.
I lay my car keys on the table, put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table, and notice that the can is full so, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the garbage first.
But then I think, since Iām going to be near the mailbox when I take out the garbage anyway, I may as well pay the bills first.
I take my chequebook off the table,and see that there is only one cheque left. My extra cheques are in my desk in the study, so I go inside the house to my desk where I find the can of Coke Iād been drinking.
Iām going to look for my cheques, but first I need to push the Coke aside so that I donāt accidentally knock it over. The Coke is getting warm, and I decide to put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.
As I head toward the kitchen with the Coke, a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye - they need water.
I put the Coke on the counter and discover my reading glasses that Iāve been searching for all morning. I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first Iām going to water the flowers.
I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote. Someone left it on the kitchen table.
I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, Iāll be looking for the remote, but I wonāt remember that itās on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs, but first Iāll water the flowers.
I pour some water in the flowers, but quite a bit of it spills on the floor. I set the remote back on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill. Then, I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.
At the end of the day: the car isnāt washed, the bills arenāt paid, thereās a warm can of Coke sitting on the counter, the flowers donāt have enough water, thereās still only 1 cheque in my chequebook, I canāt find the remote, I canāt find my glasses, and I donāt remember what I did with the car keys.
Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, Iām really baffled because I know I was busy all day, and Iām really tired.
I realize this is a serious problem, and Iāll try to get some help for it, but first Iāll check my e-mails ā¦
Puns for Educated People
1. The meaning of opaque is unclear.
2. I wasnāt going to get a brain transplant but then I changed my mind.
3. Have you ever tried to eat a clock? Itās very time consuming.
4. A man tried at assault me with milk, cream and butter. How dairy!
5. Iām reading a book about anti-gravity. I canāt put it down.
6. If there was someone selling marijuana in our neighbourhood, weed know about it
7. Itās a lengthy article about ancient Japanese sword fighters but I can Sumurais it for you.
8. Itās not that the man couldnāt juggle, he just didnāt have the balls to do it.
9. So what if I donāt know the meaning of the word āapocalypseā? Itās not the end of the world
10. Police were called to the daycare centre. A 3-year old was resisting a rest.
11. The other day I held the door open for a clown. I thought it was a nice jester.
12. Need an ark to save two of every animal? I Noah guy.
13. Alternative facts are aversion of the truth.
14. I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.
15. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
16. Did you know they wonāt be making yardsticks any longer?
17. I used to be allergic to soap but Iām clean now.
18. The patron saint of poverty is St. Nickeless.
19. What did the man say when the bridge fell on him? The suspension is killing me.
20. Do you have weight loss mantras? Fat chants!
21. My tailor is happy to make a new pair of pants for me. Or sew it seams.
22. What is a thesaurusās favourite dessert? Synonym buns.
23. A relief map shows where the restrooms are.
24. There was a big paddle sale at the boat store. It was quite an oar deal.
25. How do they figure out the price of hammers? Per pound.
Uncanny! (Get it?)
Clever!
Itās like a steam room in our bathroom most days.Not from me.
