Can’t say on here against site rules.
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West Sussex Man Wins £20 Million
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Mr. Bean is PM?
Actually he might be 
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Putin has been assassinated.
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Trump and Putin die in bizarre gay sex act.
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King Charles and Kate have been given the all-clear.
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A massive new factory has been given the green light by government officials.
The factory which will employ half a million skilled workers will produce cars and trucks after imports of all foreign vehicles will be banned.
The cars will be the only ones allowed on British roads and will consist of petrol powered engines no greater than 1500cc. Screens, radios, and any other distractions to driving will not be allowed in vehicles, and other than engine management, computer driving aids will also not be allowed. There will only be two sizes of vehicle available. a four door version to seat four people and luggage, and a larger one to seat up to six people and luggage. Both vehicles will have the 1500cc petrol engines. All the vehicles will be a standard shape allowing for the recycling of parts for use on other vehicles. The standard Engines will also be manufactured to the same standards and the parts will be interchangeable.
Electric vehicles will be discontinued…
Current makes of vehicles will be allowed, but other than tyres and regular servicing, no garage will be allowed to repair any other brand except the British made version…So when they’re gone, they’re gone…
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If only, OGF.
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no they would enjoy that… 
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Would make UK the black sheep…again…Communism comes next does it?
Permits will be distributed to all Subjects…
The Rules though will be concealed ,to protect any normal individuals still allowed to breathe 
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The Headlines would be good if ‘‘it’s good news week’’
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Brill Composition Bretrick. Always good to read Down Under humour. 
Strides down. In the Dunny. 
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The U.K. rejoins the EU!
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“The UK Declares Universal Neutrality”.
And keeps is fingers Outta Other Countries Pies.
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The ‘Brexit’ word has now been banned.
Anyone who is overheard using the B word, will be taken to the tower, where their fate will be decided. 
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What does the Tower fate involve, only I am looking for a new venture thinking Holiday/Leisure. Excitement is a Priority though… 
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if taken to the Tower (of London) one’s fate would usually be an execution.
But i think they stopped this long ago 
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For a minute there I thought they were all going to take off their clothes and chuck em’ into the washer…
Back to me Crunchie then… 
@Bretrick Headlines 
Mothership Returns. The experiment is over, so prepare to return from whence you came.
This was the message received by all major broadcasters yesterday, with the follow up of Everyone will be collected over 7 days with their day of birth being their day of collection. Resistance will be futile as choice is not an option.
This final action is long overdue in my opinion 
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BREAKING NEWS>>>>>>>>>
A Doncaster cat owner narrowly missed out on a world record this morning by a whisker.
The man known locally as Old Grey Fox missed the record by 34 seconds recording a time of 1 hour 19 minutes 39 seconds and failed to better a time of 1 hour 19 minutes and 5 seconds which he himself set on Thursday of last week. The thrice weekly run is over a scenic 8.2 mile course which takes runners past a quaint little village that nobody has heard of and three canal bridges. Pace makers were used on this mornings attempt when a hare leaped out from the verge and proceeded to set the pace over a short quarter mile stretch before returning once more to the safety of the hedgerow. Further down the quiet country road a Squirrel took on the job of pacemaker but kept to the fence and finally scuttled off up a tree. Several spectators witnessed the attempt including a Partridge, Pheasant, three baby rabbits, several Blackbirds and a procession of Rooks who are currently residing in the treetops close to the Norman Church in the village that nobody has heard of. Amid whistles and clucks he eventually crossed the finish line where, after regaining his breath, was quoted as saying: “ I’ve been training all year for this attempt, even adding sprints to my training runs, which seem to be paying off because times have been consistently good over the last few weeks it’s only a matter of time before I smash that record. Poor times last year were caused by a troublesome Bunion that I believe was caused by being a member of the EU"
Todays attempt would have been valid as all the canal bridges remained open and even the traffic lights and level crossing were all clear.
WARNING: Running after two Heart Attacks should never be undertaken without the approval of a Doctor, or alternatively Delusions of Immortallity.
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