Just hired an eastern European cleaner. Took her five hours to hoover the house.
Turns out she was a Slovak.
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Can anyone recommend someone to remove a stairlift for my Nan please?
It’s only 2 months old, it’s driving her up the wall. 
Some of these stairlift salespeople can be very pushy. A neighbour of mine has just had one installed, and he lives in a bungalow.
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I went to the funeral of the Dulux dog, it was a very emulsion experience.
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I’m glad that Iceland is on the UK’s green list.
I would hate to have to quarantine every time I bought some fish fingers.
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My wife just told me sex is even better when on holiday.
Not the kind of postcard I was expecting.
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I looked out of my window in horror yesterday as a crowd gathered around a crashed motorcyclist. I rushed outside yelling, “Let me through, let me through.” A man at the front said, “Thank God for that, are you a Doctor?”
I said, “No, that’s my Pizza.”
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We went to see the Red Arrows last weekend. There was near miss after near miss, and screams of “oooooohhh” and “aaaaaaahhhhh”.
But eventually my wife managed to park the car, and we saw the show.
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I just paid £700 for a a sofa and I’ve just been told it’ll be 3 weeks until delivery.
Does anyone know where I stand? 
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Something similar at la Casa Judd. Some bloke must have thought I was a weather forecaster because he kept ringing me up and asking me if the coast was clear.
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My wife asked me if I had seen the dog bowl. I said , “I didn’t know he could.”
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I’m really proud of my son. After five years in the police he has been transferred to the SWAT team.Today was his first day in his new job, and by lunchtime he had already killed two bluebottles.
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