Some funnies for today

[AliceWonderland]

[Minx]

[Minx]

[AliceWonderland]

[MrFraggle67]

I’ve lost loads of weight just by wearing bread on my head.
It’s a loaf hat diet.

[SilverTabby]

@MrFraggle67

I’ve lost loads of weight just by wearing bread on my head.
It’s a loaf hat diet.

Brilliant!

[MrFraggle67]

After spending 20 minutes trying to get my girlfriend’s bra off, I’ve given up!

I wish I’d never put it on now…

[JBR]

@MrFraggle67

After spending 20 minutes trying to get my girlfriend’s bra off, I’ve given up!

I wish I’d never put it on now…

I know the feeling.

[MrFraggle67]

Whenever my wife is upset, I let her colour in my black and white tattoos.

Sometimes she just needs a shoulder to crayon

[MrFraggle67]

Yesterday I accidentally sent a naked picture of myself to everyone in my address book.

Not only was it embarrassing, but it cost a fortune in stamps

[MrFraggle67]

My wife was watching this morning’s news about the Taliban.
She said, “God, I’m glad I’m not a woman living in Afghanistan right now.”
I replied, “Nonsense love. With that beard and moustache, you’d blend right in.”
Then all hell broke lose.

[MrFraggle67]

A guy walks into the bank, pulls out a gun, points it at the bank clerk and screams, “Give me all your money, or you’re geography!”
Puzzled, the clerk asks, “Don’t you mean history?”
The robber yells, “Don’t change the subject!"

[MrFraggle67]

The wife just asked me what I was doing on the computer.
“Looking for cheap flights” I replied.
She immediately got very excited, told me she loved me and gave me the best sex I’d ever had!
Which kind of surprised me as she’d never been interested in darts before!

[Caveman2]

If you ever feel useless, remember it took 20 years, trillions of dollars and four US presidents to replace the taliban with … the taliban. Just saying

[MrFraggle67]

A woman’s husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.

One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.

As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears;

“ You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times.

When I got fired, you were there to support me

When my business failed, you were there.

When I got shot, you were by my side.

When we lost the house, you stayed right here.

When my health started failing, you were still by my side

You know what?”

“What dear?” she asked gently, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.

”I think you’re bad luck.

[MrFraggle67]

Mrs asked if she could have some peace and quite whilst cooking dinner, so I removed the battery from the smoke alarm.

[MrFraggle67]

Elton John has bought his pet rabbit a treadmill.
It’s a little fit bunny.

[MrFraggle67]

Just made the smoothie recipe Neil Diamond gave me:
Swede, carrot, lime.

[MrFraggle67]

[MrFraggle67]