Respect Forms

General Chat Chat / Discussions
1

Hi

We are an over 50’s Forum.

Here in the UK when you are over 60 and admitted to Resus as an emergency, you will have a visit.

The Respect Nurse.

It is an education, it really is.

It starts off quite gentle and then you are lead down a path.

Do you want to be resuscitated or not.

It is really quite clever how they do it.

They say how difficult it would be be for your next of kin to decide not to continue treatment when you are in a mess with little or no chance of recovery when you could make it much easier for them and their mental health by taking the decision yourself in advance.

At this point, you need to know it is not about you, it is about the NHS.

They do not want to get into trouble for not providing ongoing care which could cost a fortune.

The legal costs alone are disastrous for them., never mind ongoing Care Costs.

My latest admission meant another interview and form.

I had a very persistent lady and I was already categorised as Frail Elderly.

An easy touch and to be talked to like an idiot or dementia patient.

That did not happen, she had a very uncomfortable interview with me.

I pointed out that ending my life was my decision, not anyone else to do.

I had the stuff to end my life, easily, painlessly and total, no antidote, over in seconds.

That would however be my decision and anyone else who took that decision I would come back and haunt and if haunting was not enough I had a biscuit tin full of cash to pay to get them.

I then had a visit from a Consultant, he had never heard of the particular toxin I had to use, so off he went on Google.

He had also reviewed my previous Medical History, where I had come back from being Clinically Dead 3 times.

This is not unusual, it is far more common than you would think.

My advice to you all is this, insist on resus, in particular 3 uses of the paddles to restart your heart.

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2

Not something I want to dwell on I am depending on karking it while walking the dog .

3

Talking of which…my dear friend is only 44 years old and has Ataxia…a brain illness similar to MS and she rang me crying a few weeks ago because someone had visited from the surgery to talk about ‘end of life’ and her wishes!
Her illness hasn’t progressed much at all in the last 5 years so it was a shock to her…made worse because a young man who she met through an Ataxia group had just died aged 28…his Ataxia was very aggressive, my friends’ is not.

She told me it had really depressed her…she is such a positive woman and tries so hard to remain so, this conversation floored her.

You keep that fight our Swimmy, your life, your decision. Good for you x

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Excuse me , but advise someone to be resussed is not always the right thing for them , leave it to them to decide , and their loved ones .
I was in that position with my husband , and both myself and son knew what the right thing to do , so when the Intensive care Nurse told us they wasn’t going to resuscitate, we told them we had already made that decision. We just asked them to break it to him gently .

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I’m glad these conversations are being had, and adhered to. I agree with Swimmy, in that your life is your own business and for you to decide what to happen, when. I don’t want anyone making that decision for me either.

6

Hi

That is perfectly acceptable Eliza, difficult though it may have been.

It was a family decision, which is exactly right.

That is not what I was posting about, which was decisions by others.

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Hi Swimmy , it was your last line that i was really refering to .

But a good conversation to have before going into Hospital , .

Good luck with your health .

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I understand it’s a question that has to be asked but they are awful conversations and I agree that they are very pushy and far too keen to get them in place

Every minute of life is yours and yours alone, Swimmy, keep fighting for it xxxxx

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Both my parents died of cancer withing 6 months of each other. Dad died at home and mother in a hospice.Back then no after care service as described above that we knew about if any. As for the “respect” forms I would have said it was up to the patient to decide it is their life after all, not up to anyone else

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It is a good thing that hospital medics are talking to people about this, upsetting as it may feel at the time. When my dad died, 48 years ago, there was no discussion with him whatsoever. The doctor’s actually asked my mum if she wanted him to know that he had cancer and was dying. She said no, please don’t tell him. So for the last 5 weeks of his life, they lived in this kind of bubble of pretence - she knew he was dying, and of course he knew too - he wasn’t stupid - but didn’t want to upset her by openly acknowledging it. That’s how things were then, and it meant really that some of the most important life decisions were completely denied to the dying.

By contrast, the question of DNR was discussed with my nephews and my sister when she was dying, and they were able to make an informed decision, based on what she wanted. As it turned out, the need didn’t arise as she died from multiple organ failure, which no amount of resus could have resolved.

You keep on hanging in there Swiimmy - it’s your life, and your right to decide, no-one else’s

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Queenie, that is so terribly sad for your friend. She’s much too young to have to be thinking about such things - she should be in the prime of her life with so much to look forward to still. I do hope her illness remains slow moving, and she can have many years yet. Poor woman :cry:

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Thanks for bringing this up, Swimmy. I was asked during my pre-op assessment if I wanted to sign a form similar to what you’ve posted about. I asked if they were talking about a DNR and they said not really but similar. I said no thank you and left it at that. That was in a private hospital. From what Swimmy has said, I’m now expecting to get the same again when I go in for the operation.