One day as I left for the City centre my wife asked me to bring her a present back.
“Such as?”
“I don’t care, surprise me.”
I came home with a cricket ball from poundland. Objective achieved. That surprised her.
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My husband asked me what I would like for Christmas, I replied I would love some money to spend in the sales . Christmas morning arrived , jingling bells log fires as we all opened our beautifully wrapped presants eventually the room covered in gifts and screwed up wrapping paper I looked for my gift from my husband, he said " you asked for money for the sales " …
He had bought me nothing, not even a bar of soap or even chocolate to open on Christmas morning .
I didnt even get the money to spend in the sales
Guess what
I divorced him eventually 
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I was on a ward in a military hospital in W Germany having my right arm rebuilt after a bad accident, one mate not wanting to be seen carrying a bunch of flowers brought me a cauliflower, another a large bottle of lemonade which turned out to be gin and tonic, very refreshing. 
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I once received edible underwear. It was a secret Santa thing at work
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I used to have a thing with a mate where we’d try to out do one another with naff Xmas presents.I got him “The cast of Crossroads sing Christmas Carols” one year.That was hard to beat.
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Your lips are sealed ?
Just as well,probably.
That’s me uttering a few expletives
Ex Brother in Law…we knew it was a competitive Xmas pressie…A pair of socks in the most garish colours…
Husband was brave and showed he was so pleased with them.
but what do you think ex BIL had a whole year later for a Xmas pressie, wrapped in the most largest box he could find…
His face was a picture, never saw the socks again, luckily…or him to be truthful…
He worked for the Prudential and sold him a policy that earned him more commission, but was not the best one for Husbands requirements…
2nd time he cheated and upset us, a friendly game of cards but still he cheated, causing another upset…
Some people are not worth bothering with…Life is short…
…
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Absolutely Di!
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Some friends once bought me a cordless electric screwdriver for my birthday - which might sound a bit weird - but was actually very practical. I sent them the following reply …
SCREWING !
I’ve been screwing in the bedroom,
I’ve been screwing in the hall,
I’ve been screwing all around the house
with bits both large and small.
I’ve been screwing in the loft
and in the garage too –
I’ve never screwed so much before,
and it’s all thanks to you two.
My life now has new meaning,
my reason for “being” is plain –
it’s to survive each day at the office
and come home to start screwing again !
The trouble is – it’s addictive –
I just don’t know where to stop,
I’m even screwing before breakfast –
while, at night, I screw ‘til I drop !
So, when you creep under your duvet,
much later at this days end,
just spare a thought – and a chuckle –
for your crazy screwed up friend !
© 28th January, 1996.
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That’s very good 
I can imagine Pam Ayres reciting that one.
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My birthday is almost upon me and my darling wife has bought, as a present for me, 2 tickets to see Rick Wakeman at Birmingham Town Hall in December 
We will be staying overnight in one of the top hotels as part of the present too.
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This was a present I received in my late 50’s. It was a big surprise as I had seen it in a shop during the summer and said I would love to cuddle him.
I called him Nicholas because i was given him on Christmas day!
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I have posted about this before 
One of the ‘overseas’ girls I looked after in a boarding school bought gifts for the staff when she left.
They were handbags made out of the skin of some animal and they had strange ‘bits’ inside and smelt horrible 
. It was a lovely thought to give us all a gift .
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@Twink55 Just the thing for a cold winters night Twink 
beats any man 
(you could use it as a pillow 
)
No he is educated Meg, so leave him in my study to look after my PC & prevent Mr Grey sleeping on my chair. It is easier to move Nicholas than it is to move Mr Grey, when I want to sit there over breakfast! 
Mr Grey has 2 beds anyway!
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@Twink55 …it’s good to hear Mr Grey has his paws so firmly under the table Twink Perhaps when it is really cold in the winter he can sit on Nicolas knee.
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I got a teddy for a present too, Twink. Not as big as yours but still big for a teddy bear. He’s white and I’ve had him for many years. He was a present from my brother.
I got a pair of footwear from an old boyfriend. Super cheap and too small, but I liked him so I held on to it for a long time.
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I think that the giver of gifts is often more important, to the receiver, than the actual gift. Isn’t that why we all keep gifts , even if we never use them? 
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Not a personal gift exactly but… a couple of us Clergy collect donations of goods, things that people have in the back of their cupboards and dont use. We then sell them on and buy stuff the homeless people really need. Well, gratefully taking in a box one day, apart from wonderful items of use, the donator added… a bunch of bananas and a Teddy with no arms or legs ( poor love ) haha
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