At a gym this man was showing off his body and muscles when this women noticed. So they got into conversation and he was saying his arm muscles were like dynamite his body was like dynamite and his legs were also like dynamite. She continued to admire him until he dropped his trunks and she ran away screaming as fast as she could. Her friend said “Why did you run?” and she repied " Did you see how short the wick was!"
That made me choke on my cuppa realspeed LOL.
As chrismas is fast approaching must be time for a norty Santa jokes.
So here goes
Santa landed on this house roof and entered via the chimney as usual. When he left the fireplace standing right infront of him was the beautiful young lady.
“Santa” she said " I have stayed up tonight to meet you, I have a nice glass of wine and food for you before you go onwards on your way".
" That is so kind of you" Santa said " but I just don’t have the time to stay "
So this beautiful remove her dressing gown and stood naked before him. He looked at her and straight away realised he could not get back up the chimney
Another Santa joke
Santa woke up one morning with a terrible cold. Knowing he had to go to work he got up for his breakfast but Mrs Santa had not made hin any. Annoyed he put on his red coat and boots opened the front door onlt to step into a deep snow drift and the snow went into his boots. Determined to get to work he pulled out the sleigh and rounded up the reindeer to find Rudolph had a bad leg so he put the sleigh back and walked to the toy factory which is his place of work
On entering the toy factory he discovered all the gnomes and elfs were on strike. Well he though the day can’t get any worse but it did.
When he got home the front door was locked so he had to wait for misses to come home from shopping. Eventually he got inside and sat in his favourite rocking chair with a pint and a cigar, just settled down when there was a ring at the front door.
" who the hell is that "he thought having had no breakfast wet boots walking to work and a strike at the factory
So he opened the front door to find a fairy carrying a Christmas tree. “you know where you can shove that christmas tree” he said and slammed the door
Now you know the real reason why fairies are put on the top of Christmas trees