I can relate to that Robert, both from a mental and physical perspective. But like ‘Hens Teeth’ they are very rare…
Oh well, at least he had a sweet spot for her. :-p
[I]Those were the days, my friend.
LRC goods in a general store?
I used to sell typewriters in Grace Brothers (JLP), way back in the day. I was demonstrating an Olivetti lettera 32 to a glamorous gal, when her elderly partner interrupted with a question.
“We spend the winter in France. Can you supply one with french letters?”
I ignored him. He wandered on to the sports department & I was informed later that he had a question for them too.
"i’d like to exchange a tennis racquet, for my wife.
“Seems fair” said the manager.[/I]
I often wonder when I’m out and about and visit the toilet and you see one of those doors that announces: ‘Baby Change’ what do mothers usually swap them for? Another baby more pretty than the original or perhaps one in a different colour…
Deep calls to Deep.
Trouble
Life at “Grace Brothers”(JLP) department store wasn’t all a bed of roses… Like other retailers we had problems with thieves. I purposely avoided using the euphemistic term “Shop lifters” for two reasons. Firstly because this term suggests it is a hobby rather than a serious crime and for which paying customers in the end underwrite. Secondly to avoid confusion with “Shirt lifters” which is an altogether different activity.
My favourite shoplifter was Danny McG, a polite regular who made no secret of his intentions, even chatting to the plain clothes store detective trailing him .Unfortunately he had a violent streak which came out of nowhere & we kept a distance but had a police squad car waiting outside of the exit nearest the betting shop. His aim was to go back to prison where he felt most at home.
His last visit to the store was in December of 1973 when he stole a cine projector, annoyingly, because I was demonstrating it to a customer at the time. My plea of,
“Come on Danny-give me back the cine projector” was met with a look of incredulity and the softly spoken reply,
”What cine projector?”
All the while grasping the object even tighter under his arm with its plug & extension cable trailing out of the carrier bag he had stuffed it into.
I hate to say it but a good deal of thieving was done by staff members & young Mr Grace used to say , when another staff member was caught.
“ I am seldom surprised, but always disappointed.”
Many years later I bumped in to Danny again in a city centre pub. He took me unawares & I hope you will understand that for a short while I genuinely couldn’t think where I knew him from.
It dawned on me after exchanging warm pleasantries who he was & I sped on my way politely as I could. The joke wasn’t lost on him for he called after me.
“Know where there are any cine projectors going cheap Sir?”
He then fell about laughing.
Another good read Robert, thanks…
I worked in Retail for a short while, and was very good at it, but, to survive long term, being a people person was a bit of an hinderance:-) so it was Industry. Met some fascinating folks like Andrew (aka The Little Sh1t), his favourite trick to liven up an otherwise dull day was to leave a spoon in a boiling cup of tea for a couple of minutes, then, when a contractor driver came into the office to sign his documentation, placing one hand, face down on the desk to support himself whilst writing with the other, he would turn to talk to me, accidently placing to spoon on the back of the geezers hand. Another favourite of his was, if a geezer bent forward, and, inadvertently exposed a bit of bare back between shirt and belt line, he would walk past, stainless steel Teapot in hand, and, accidently again make a milliseconds contact, just enough to encourage an ARRRRRG, followed up with a “Sorry Mate”.
I wonder if Andrew ever got his comeuppance.
Happy days
long weights, elbow grease, large punch, et al
Happy days
I am enjoying this thread Robert, long may you continue your stories 
Always enjoy these stories gents.
Funny how there always seems to be one company ‘Little s**t’ no matter where you work :-D:-D:-D
Its all part of the English experience.
Some folks have been “Party” to it, but never realised.
Mind you, the Japanese have dabbled of late.
I wasn’t always a shopkeeper. Read all about my days behind a social club bar.
From my 1960s diary.
I wasn’t a very good barman at all. Still, aged just 18 the regulars seemed to like me and referring to me as young smiler. Looking back a more accurate title might be Gullible. I grew to like the working men’s club which employed me and where I could be found pulling pints all weekend. In return I grew to like the lively atmosphere and Guinness. It was good for you. After years of eating bananas and beans to put on weight, the numerous bottles of Guinness & Mackeson , generously paid for me by the tipsy clientele began to do the trick.
Talking of tricks, I feel able with a suitable passage of time, over 50 years now, I can confess that some customers were cheated . The steward and his wife, Eddy and Jenny, Canadians by birth and both spotty by malevolent misfortune; were both convinced they were being stolen from as every stocktake showed a loss. I had nothing to do with the loss. I have a completely clear conscience on that score, but I was guilty of conspiring to make good their losses … The stewards, Eddy and Jenny, were soon replaced by the Committee, probably because they were closing in the real culprits.
Enter Arthur and •Kathy, who promptly sacked everyone but me, I must have projected honesty, and brought in their own trusted staff.
As the replacements were all related to them I can only presume that they took the view that if they were going to be robbed, it might just as well be kept in the family.
Arthur was an intense bald little man with huge bulging eyes, and a permanent expression of bewilderment because his family didn’t let him down and the stock losses continued unabated.
Arthur was soon replaced by the committee, and the losses stopped … No doubt they didn’t want to kill the golden goose.
Interesting story Robert, after reading that I will now think of you as Honest Rob.
Had a smile at this reminiscence Robert as it was an ‘onest’ barman who told me to top up a whisky bottle with cold tea when someone was too drunk to know the difference.
A good tip that and it worked.
As always thank you for sharing.
Nice one Robert, It sounds familiar, I’ve spent some time behind a bar in a working mans club, but it was the opposite side to you…Then I realised it was a mugs game, and I didn’t really like the taste of beer anyway…
You have jogged my memory my dear Reynard… those were happy days.
more later
