Picturing Basil Fawlty, gnome under arm, going to visit Mr O’Reilly.
What on earth do you do with them!:shock:
Do WE REALLY NEED to know?
:shock:
I was afraid to ask:shock:
I bet it all has something to do with Spam - Mark my words:-D
They’re not right- like Spam and Peeps.
We do need to know because Mups was having a whip round to get him a new double ended dibber as a moving in present. If Rehab is inventive (and I think he is) and if he gets his mitts on a brand new double ended dibber, it could go to his head and I would worry about the welfare of the frogs and gnomes. Don’t care about the spam - that can look after itself, unless you tread on, but the frogs and gnome - well…
Wow! Smokin’ hot! Good job!
I do nuffin with gnomes, I am on a mission to warn people about gnomes…
ATTENTION…ATTENTION
Rehab will be making am announcement in the snug of the Jockeys Nostril later today about the Gnomish Threat to our green and pleasant land.
Please come early, there will be a buffet and a free bar
Tickets are available at the door £50 per person. 10% discount for coffin dodgers. (Note to UJ, it’s a joke right? Security have been informed to deny you entrance)
No children, no animals, no poofters.
This has been a Rehab Production announcement.
I have heard they can explode. 
You are correct…I am glad that I am not a lone voice on the dangers of Gnomes, I will reserve a front row seat for you O wise one!
Edited. Dang you’re a fast worker Rehab
‘Oh the old Gnome town, looks the same’
Well I must say that is a relief. 
I actually quite like gnomes, Rehab, but I’m quite choosy over which ones inhabit my garden though.
Mine are rather good looking little chaps and carry frost proof buckets, one even has his own umbrella so his red hat doesn’t fade in the summer sun. Another holds a dish of water to help the wild birds, which is kind of him isn’t it.
At night they come alive, I’ve seen them under the solar lights talking to the resin baby rabbits and pink piglet.
So all in all, I am very relieved to hear that you don’t experiment on the nice gnomes with your dibber, and your wooden mallet. I would worry that if mine heard about it on the gnome telegraph, they might be fearful and run away.
Mission Impossible! Cue music
I will burn after reading:mrgreen:
I was wondering:lol:
“This is Scoop Higgins live here at the Jockeys Nostril where Rehab44 is about to make a statement to the nation”
Camera pans in to the incredibly good looking Rehab44 who speaks…
‘Welcome ladies and Gentlemen,
Before I begin I would like to say a few words about our nation; the English nation. A nation which has been bred on the green and rolling pastures of this sceptic isle, under the winding hedges, inside the bus shelters and behind the bike sheds of the fairest corner of this world over which God has given us everlasting dominion.
We are a nation who have shown ourselves to be destined to lead lesser races. We espouse the virtues of sportsmanship and fair play, tolerance and forgiveness, live and let live. Yet we are also a nation who will, when we think we can get away with it, stab our very best friends in the back and put our own grandmothers on the game to make a few quid.
I tell you, bothers and sisters, we have much to be proud of…"
(Cheers, and cries of ‘Hail Rehab! Hail Rehab! Hail Rehab’! He raises his hands and the chant slowly subsides.)
“…much to be proud of indeed”.
(From the back of the snug) “Get on with it!”
“Our language is perhaps our greatest gift to the world. Taken up with alacrity by the gallant Scots, the poetic lilt of the Welsh, the totally incomprehensible Irish and our charming American and Canadian cousins across the water. It is a simple language—a child can speak it—my surly, teenage granddaughters excepted, yet it is also the language of Shakespeare, Milton, Wordsworth and the Archers. Is it any wonder then, that when we had civilised the peoples of the world and deemed them ready to stand beside us in the family of nations, that it was English that they chose to replace their strange heathen babbling?
As landlord of this pub I have travelled widely around the world and sometimes even further afield. And in all my travels I have never met a foreigner who did not understand English, either immediately or, in some cases, after it had been shouted at him and punctuated by few kicks up the bottom".
(Cheers, cries of 'Hail Rehab ! Hail Rehab ! Hail Rehab '! He raises his hands and the chant slowly subsides.)
“But I am not here tonight to list the achievements of the English. If I were we would have to book this snug for a week…”
(Muffled cries of ‘Bloody well get on with it,Rehab , you asshole !’ from the back of the snug…UJ had evaded the security cordon around the pub.)
“…No I am here to tell you of a threat—an insidious poison, which is eating at the very fabric of the civilised world like a flesh-eating, poisonous thing. A world, which we, the English, have done so much to create. This is a threat more deadly than ISIS , more evil than an a Russian President more mendacious than the French and more cynically self-serving than an Conservative who has just accidentally run over a Labour councillor in his Range Rover. . I speak, my friends, of the humble garden gnome”
“I can understand your shock. I know you all have gnomes in your street, perhaps even in your own gardens—friendly little fellows with wheelbarrows full of plants cradling quaint fishing rods in their gnarled hands. I know, I have seen them too. But I am here to tell you this is what they want you to think. As they hold their ‘Keep off the grass’ signs and beam their rosy-cheeked smiles they are planning nothing less than the overthrow of English society as we know it”.
There is an inrush of breath as the bar staff led by the most ample Mups arrives with the drinks
We now o direct to the commercial break, something about a Mothers Day and Barry demonstrating Cilit Bang on his rusty pipe…
'Eck
I think I need rehabilitating
The only bit I took in there was Barry’s commercial
But I read Cilit as something entirely different!
Why doesn’t that surprise me? 
Sorry :roll: