I just got scammed out of $15. I bought Tiger Woods DVD entitled “My Favorite 18 Holes”.
It turns out it’s all about golf. Absolute waste of money!
Pass this on so others don’t get scammed.
This bloke walked into a chemist shop, and asked to talk to a male pharmacist.
The woman he was talking to said that she was the only pharmacist and that as she and her sister owned the store, there were no males employed there.
She then asked if she could help him. The bloke said that it was something that he would be much more comfortable discussing with a male pharmacist.
The female pharmacist assured him that she was completely professional, and whatever it was that he needed to discuss, he could be confident that she would treat him with the highest level of professionalism.
The bloke then agreed and began by saying, “This is tough for me to discuss, but I have a….um….permanent erection. It causes me a lot of problems, and severe embarrassment, and I was wondering what you could give me for it.”
The pharmacist said, “Just a minute, I’ll talk to my sister.”
When she returned, she said, "We discussed it at length, and the absolute best we can do is:
1/3 ownership in the shop
A company car
And £500 a month in living expenses."
Sheila walked into the kitchen to find Bruce stalking around with a fly swatter.
“What are you doing?” She asked.
“Hunting Flies” He responded. .
“Oh. Killed any?” She asked.
“Yep, 3 males, 2 Females,” he replied.
Intrigued, she asked. “How can you tell them apart?”
He responded, “3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone.”
These jokes ain’t half bad, have you been Swotting Up?
NO dumbing down!
I agree with you Spitty, very high quality humour there, he must be hanging around with a select ‘Cackle’ of comedians, if that’s the right collective term, maybe it’s a ‘Titter’ of comedians, ;-)
That reminded me of my own sexual awakening Gumbud, that’s what they call it now, back then you were just a dirty little bugger if you even mentioned sex.
I have always been curious and I just couldn’t swallow the story about the Stork. I scoured the Junior library for anything with the word ’Sex’ in it, no luck. Then I remembered my Dad had a very old encyclopedia set,14 volumes in all, when I say very old I mean very, old, published in 1870, they were his grandfathers. He kept the set in his bedroom on two rows of shelves, he was delighted to see me ’Studying’ carefully every day after school, little did he know the knowledge I sought. After a week I was becoming bored and disillusioned, not a mention of sex, then quite by accident, I came across a subject entitled ‘Reproduction’ and there it was with all the gory details, I was horrified, did grown ups have to do all that just to have a baby? no wonder they didn’t talk about it, That was the moment I decided to be a Monk when I grew up, but as I got older and went out with a few girls I quickly changed me mind.
Reproduction is a very crude way of describing it don’t you think, makes it sound like a conveyor belt system or something, but that was them Victorians for yeh.
Can you have a Dichotomy on the NHS?
having a quick feck sounds much better
no but you can have a lobotomy, fleabotomy and a complete cockup all for the same price!
I just phoned Sea World.
My call was answered by a message that said “your call may be recorded for training porpoises”.
I hope you told them to get their skates on,gumbud?
The call was answered by a Tur-Bot
Well as long as the ''please hold the line while we ignore you" tune wasn’t ‘Salmon chanted evening’…
What time did you plaice the call gummy?
We’re free little sheep who have lost our minds, baa baa baa
We must be all mad we have all the right signs, baa baa baa
Baa baa black sheep have you any sense
Yes sir yes sir but not in the present tense
Some for the Administrator who lives in Wales
And some for the Mods with the cat o’ nine tails.
I plaiced the call with our local fishmonger as he has always got a long line we can use, but he said it could take ages as it sometimes goes through whales!
Few folks know this but Johnnie Ray was once a Fishmonger, I once went out with a Girl whose diet solely consisted of tinned fish, I often wonder what happened to Anne Chovey.
We had a few Jockeys over here, Johnny Roe, Christy Roche, Paul Salmon, Frank Codd, I used to watch them parade around the haddock, one day I asked Roche was his mount any good and he whispered “Eel win for sure” I backed the horse and won six squid.
You won a sick squid?
That’s an unusual run of luck,Jem…you must’ve haddock coming!
Wife said to her Husband “you only want sex when your drunk”…Husband says “That’s not true, I sometimes want a Kebab”.
That’s one of Chub-by Browns