Went on holiday to Crete a couple of years, the Hotel Manager told me I was too old to stay at his Hotel, that was the first and only time I have experienced Aegeanism.
Groan
Gats wot I said giggle I.
Your in a daze?, we’re all in a daze.
Thank you for the daze
Those endless daze, those sacred daze you gave me
I’m thinking of the daze
I won’t forget my single daze, believe me.
Yes those were the daze my friend, we thought they’d never end.
Let us leave the confusion and all disillusion behind, Volare, oh oh
Cantare, oh oh oh oh…
Thank you for the jab, that magic jab you gave me
I’m thinking of the lab, wot did the trick
The staff were fab, believe me.
This is what happens when an old man emerges from 16 months of lockdown, he go cray-se, as Manuel used to say to Polly about Mr. Fawlty. :-)
Good one Jem, that has resulted in Chin Rubbin.
Delightful post Fruity, you have great way with words.
Sorry to hear about your friend.
I have to say I have a little backside myself, always had, the wife says I should have a safety seat fitted to the toilet bowl in case I slip down the drain, you know the type of thing they use to train kids on how to use the “Big Pot”.
“No fear of your fat arse slipping down” says I to her.
I think it’s high time they varied the size of toilet bowls instead of having the “one fits all bums” arrangement they have at present, especially now with populations becoming heavier, but that’s a topic for another day.
I see Prince Charlie has revealed his favourite songs and performing artists, dear oh dear, the man has a weird taste in music, he’s nearly as old as me and considering all the decades of great music we enjoyed in that time he picks this list, very strange selection in my humble opinion, but then he’s a strange fellow, talks to plants and trees I believe.;-)
“The full list includes:
• Givin’ Up, Givin’ In - The Three Degrees
• Don’t Rain On My Parade - Barbra Streisand
• La Vie En Rose - Edith Piaf
• Upside Down - Diana Ross
• The Voice - Eimear Quinn
• The Click Song - Miriam Makeba
• You’re A Lady - Peter Skellern
• La Mer - Charles Trenet
• Bennachie - Old Blind Dogs
• Lulu’s Back In Town - Dick Powell
• They Can’t Take That Away From Me - Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers.
• Tros Y Garreg/Crossing the Stone - Catrin Finch
• Tydi a Roddaist - Bryn Terfel
It is not the first time the prince has shared the music he likes: in 2018 he spoke about his love of Leonard Cohen, and he also spoke to Classic FM about his favourite classical pieces last year” BBC news.
I agree with the Prince about No. 11 “They can’t take that away from me” it’s one of those everlasting classics.
Never heard of “The Click Song” maybe Google should adopt it as a sort of signature tune?
“You do a right click here and a left click there, finger on the curser and you shake it all about…”
Don’t mind me, sometimes I soar aloft on the wings of my imagination
This is one of my favourite songs.
I forgot to thank you Jem for posting the video of Telstar by The Tornadoes. 'Tis a fave chune from my yoof.
I’m not sure if it is still there, but there is/was a place called the Telstar Cafe, a short distance from the satellite tracking station at Goonhilly Downs in Cornwall, close to the most southerly point in England.
Guess what tune was number one on the cafe’s juke box?
For many years when I were a lad, my dad took us to stay on a farm nearby, and the cafe was always visited at some point. My brother and I would always rush to play the cafe’s signature tune.
I was about thirteen when we first started visiting the are, and continued until I was in my twenties. My parents continued until they could drive no more, and remained friends with the farm owners until they died.
I learned to drive a tractor, even taking one out on the road once I passed my test.
The road up to the downs split the farm in two, and the upper part had lain dormant for many decades. One year the farmer decided to reclaim this part to expand his herd of Guernsey cattle.
One of the problems was that the fields adjacent to the satellite station were pitted with glider traps, a legacy from WW2,
These traps consisted of a series of pits and mounds. Many were crumbling and collapsing, but dropping a tractor wheel in a hole about 2/3rds the size of a grave would result in a long walk back to the farmhouse to get help.
I used to spot for the farmer whilst he was ploughing. He of course was watching the deep furrow using a single blade about a metre deep to turn over the dormant soil, whilst I would look where we were going and call out when I saw a trap.
One day he showed me a series of boundary marker stones along the edge of one field. A new dish had been built, but the marker stones could clearly be seen inside the fenced off area.
The General Post Office as the Telecom company was called at the time had paid a neighbour for the land. He had produced documents going back a few hundred years as proof that he owned it, but our farmer friend had documents going back a few hundred years more, backed up by the line of marker stones, and took the GPO to court.
He got £30 000 in compensation, which was worth a fair bit in those days.
I’ve never heard of the Click song, but its name makes sense when you listen to it. There are a few others on the Prince’s list I’ve not heard of either, and I’m not keen on many of the ones I do know.
Still, it would be boring if we all had similar tastes in music, and we would never get to hear anything new if it were so.
Edit.
It appears that the Telstar cafe is now a privately owned house.
Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.
A good read Fruity.
About driving tractors, I remember as a boy in the mid fifties and listening to the radio news hearing about tractor accidents all over the country, I suppose being an agricultural country this was not unusual, but there seemed to me to be a hell of a lot of them turning over and the like, then you had farmers letting their children ‘have a go’ at driving then, you’d be arrested for doing that today, but I’d have loved to have had a go meself.
There was another thing I never quite understood in those years of innocence, every now and then after the news bulletin was read out the announcer would say “Now hear is an important public announcement”
“A Doctors car has been broken into in Georges St (or wherever) and his bag containg some very dangerous drugs were stolen, people should not take any of these drugs without their Doctors prescription, any information about this should be reported to your nearest Garda station”
There was I thinking to myself why were so many Doctors cars and surgeries being robbed of medicines? I mean what good is medicine to you if you ain’t sick? besides if you’re sick, you don’t have to rob the stuff, just go to your Doctor and he’ll give you what you need, strange folks these adults.:shock:
I have been reading about some famous Siamese twins, very interesting stories.
Here’s a useless tit bit, unless you are a Siamese twin that is.
I read that Siamese twins only have to purchase a single ticket for train travel in some states of the USA.
That’s very generous of the rail company ain’t it, how many living adult Siamese twins are there in the USA?, two, four, possibly six?
That’s like the ’special offer’ from a life insurance company who said to my Uncle Dave that if he took out a policy with them and died of an unknown disease, they will refund his payments and bury him for free.
Well Dave took up the offer, paid the first premium and headed off to central Africa, he could never stay in one place for long our Dave, always moving about.
He managed to get into a fight with three Pygmies who had just killed a monkey for dinner, Dave loved monkeys and became very angry about this, anyway one of the Pygmies bit him on the thigh before the three of them ran off.
He contacted a very rare disease now called Monkosis of which monkey eaters are very likely to become victims of, I won’t go into the symptoms or how it affects you, far too distressing, endless scratching spasms, think of an awkward person doing the Funky Gibbon on hot coals.
Anyway to take a rasher from a side of bacon, he came home just before he died, more from exhaustion that the disease.
When his wife went to take the insurance company up on their offer, they said that Monkosis was not a new disease, indeed it has been around since the time of Christ, and it is recorded that two monkey eating Roman soldiers had succumbed to it, having had two monkey burgers on heir way home from the cruxifixction.
Tarzan also had a bad dose of it in 1938, but survived thanks to a medicinal brew of lizards liver, banana stalks, coconut hair, and elephant urine, all prepared by Jane, it was all documented by the insurance crowd, you’d be surprised how deep they will dig before parting with any cash.
The company refused to pay so his old pals took up a collection to bury him in the local pub, he now rests in peace under the cellar of The Cock and Sparrow in Thomas Street, if you are ever in the vicinity mention my name and the landlord will give you a guided tour of the cellar.
So let that be a lesson to yis all, be wary of these special offers, there’s always a catch. ;-)
Ah yes, special offers.
Pensioners over the age of sixty five may travel on the omnibus for free, provided they are accompanied by both grandparents.
Yeah Fruity, you get the idea alright.
Although we’re not too badly off here as pensioners, €25 a week extra fuel allowance for the cold six months of the year, double your pension as a Christmas bonus, free travel on all public transport, and free TV licence at 66, the state pension is around €250 per week flat rate.
Never have much good to say about governments, but they have always looked after their old folks over here.
Clint Eastwood was good in “Googan’s Bluff” on TV the other night, he played a cowboy copper in New York, there to pick up a criminal and take him back to Arizona,
He gets into trouble with the chief of police in the big city, apparently he “Blew a stakeout”. 
I can never figure out the American cop lingo, I thought that only happens at a barbecue when your meat catches fire, but what would I know, we never have the weather for a barbecue either.
Enjoyed the film though, Clint was always good value in his films.
As me Son used to say to me “Dad their showing that Clint Eastwood film again on TV, The good, the Bad, and Yourself”
Even allowing for the exchange rate, our pensioners do not appear to be treated so well. We get a flat one off £200 cold weather payment for a single person, and £300 for a couple.
Free TV licence used to be for over 75s, but that was stopped last year except for certain vulnerable people.
The state pension starting age varies. It used to be 60 for women and 65 for men, but it was decided it wasn’t fair, so it was raised to 65 for both, but then rising over a period of time in order to fund it.
I took early retirement on health grounds when I was 62, thanks to a good works pension, then I got my state pension at age 65 and 8 months, which was also the date I was eligible for a free bus pass.
I get about £125 per week from the state. It’s taxed so if it would be more if I didn’t have my company pension as well.
The target age for my Lovely Cousin to get state pension I think is now 68, but being ten years my junior, that’s 11 years away. By then the eligible age could be raised again. There is talk of it being 70 at some point.
Not everyone makes it until then like my former colleague wo died last week at the young age of 60.
There are three factors for a state pension increase, called the triple lock, and we are supposed to get whichever is the highest. The government has been banging on about this “guarantee”, but they are now saying, “Ah, well, we might not be able to afford that after all”.
A government going back on it’s word. Imagine my surprise.
I’ve been a great fan of Ennio Morricone’s music since I saw the first of the “Dollar” films at the age of 15. I sneaked in with my older brother despite the age limit being 16 at the time due to the violence depicted in the filum.
My all time favourite piece is L’estasi dell’oro (The ecstacy of gold) where our man from East Clintwood is racing around the graveyard with the superbly cast Eli Wallach. The music and tempo keep rising in intensity, and is evocative until right to the end. This is one of those pieces that send shivers down my spine.
Thanks for that pension info Fruity, the wife has two widowed sisters living in London, both are pensioners.
I think it’s a bit mean and petty taking away the TV licence for over 75’s, shame really when you think of the cost, a drop in the ocean of government spending.
Come to think of it I’m the last surviving husband of the wife’s seven married sisters, when they all get together in the local twice a year I can’t get a word in edgeways, I feel like Mother Mary when the angel Gabriel appeared to her and said ”Blessed art thou amongst women”
Although I’m supposed to a European I know little about European countries.
I was talking to a young Bulgarian chap in the beer garden today, he said it’s his first time in Ireland, he told me he had to leave Sofia in a hurry “Why?, says I “Was she pregnant?”.;-)
Our fellow scribbler Robert Junior, often talked about spoonerism, I think the comedian Ronnie Barker used them in some of his sketches on TV.
I was always interested but didn’t really know how they worked so I read up on the subject.
"A spoonerism is a speech error in which the speaker switches the initial consonants of two consecutive words. … We owe the invention of the spoonerism, or at least its great fame, to a nineteenth-century English reverend named Archibald Spooner, who was famous for mixing up his words”
Yes indeed, the reverend Archie Spooner, a fart smeller and a great man for stirring things up I believe.
I think I’ll have a go at it using some of the examples provided.
It was a doggy fay outside,
I was in the living room listening to the radio while drinking tot he, a bad salad was playing.
The wife was in the kitchen caking bookies and frying chork pops.
Please excuse me, I’m not very good at welling spurds since my old teacher died, sod rest her goul.
The grandson is all dolled up, it’s his first time to doe on a gate with a girl, no, I lell a tie, his second.
After dinner I’ll probably shake a tower, that’s if the boiler is working, the lad who fixed it is a track of all jades.
The dog is lying on the couch asleep, thinks he’s the bleeping sooty.
I think I like spoonerisms.
Here he is himself, the very rev. William Archibald Spooner.
https://i.postimg.cc/13pzfjPT/william-archibald-spooner-large.jpg
is that the bood gook he is holding?
I first heard about spoonerisms when an actor called Jasper Carrot used them on one of his shows.
Ronnie Barker certainly made the Reverend Spooner famous.
One of my favourites of his was during a sketch that involved making a toast to Queen Victoria. Do please say it out loud.
“Glaise your rasses to the Quear old deen.”
My all time favourite was an American chap who recited the story of Cinderella in spoonerisms. Sadly I cannot remember his name, and only remember the last line. As the clock struck midnight and Cinders legged it, this narrator announced in such a sad and doleful tone,
“She slopped her dripper.”
Speaking of Reverends, there was a chap in the eighteenth century called the Reverend Augustus Toplady who liked to write hymns.
You may have heard of a local beauty spot near where I live called Cheddar Gorge, which is close to the village of Cheddar famed for inventing a process for making a certain type of cheese.
The next gorge over is called Burrington Combe, a combe being an old English name for a steep sided valley or hollow. We have quite a few by here, and I believe you have some in Co Kerry.
Anyway, the good reverend (actually I have no idea if he was good or a bad egg) was making his way down the combe when he got caught in a thunderstorm so he sought shelter in a cleft in the rockface.
'Twas there he came up with the hymn, Rock of ages.
He was a bit of a burk though. Fifty metres back the way he had come was a small cave that would have offered him complete shelter in the dry.
Speaking of reverends and Co Kerry, have you heard of Monsignor Hugh O’Flaherty, known as the Vatican Pimpernel? Born in Co Cork he grew up in Killarney and rose through the Catholic Church to become a Monsignor based in Rome.
During WW2 he helped thousands of people escape the Nazis, irrespective of their race or religion. He had a death warrant against him if he was ever caught outside the Vatican, and there were armed Nazi guards posted at every exit should he set foot outside the holy city.
I find his story fascinating. If you are interested in that sort of thing he is well worth looking up on the internet.
I’ve just discovered that there is a book about his wartime exploits so I’m going to order it from The Big River company.
I met him once in Killarney when we did our tour of the UK and Eire. Here he is heading off to work.
I used to think spoonerisms were when people mixed up their words and got a completely different word than what they meant to say.
For example there was a women who used to drink in my local, she was always saying the wrong word for things, her cousin was in an accident involving an articulated lorry, luckily she was not badly injured, but yer woman was telling us old lads that,
“Not many survive being knocked down by an artificial lorry you know”
Another time her niece went into the maternity hospital to have a child, I asked her the next day how the girl was doing.
“Ah she’s great Jem, but the baby boy is not doing too well, his breathing yeh know, they have him in an incinerator”
The thing is she’s ever so serious telling us this stuff and nobody has the heart (of the guts) to correct her, she was renowned for it, I’d have pains in me jaws trying to hold in the laughing with some of the things she’d come out with, doctors prescriptions were doctors descriptions, and when she was baking she always used shelf raising flour.
You probably know they made a film about Monsignor Hugh O’Flaherty in 1963 Fruity, it’s called “The Scarlet and the Black”, it was on TV only last week, he was a good man God rest him.
Gregory Peck is not a spoonerism, its Rhyming Slang!
Friar Tuck is also slang.
I was once run out of town by a small group of women of dubious morals, it was most unpleasant, being slagged off.
I believe using the wrong word is called a malapropism.
I can’t remember if it was on the radio or TV, but there was a programme where one of the leading ladies used malapropisms to great comedic effect.
Edit.
It was the actor Hilda Baker in the radio show, Nearest and Dearest.
A few egg-samples: -
Much of the comedy was derived from Nellie’s constant malapropisms. When asked by Lily if she knew the facts of life, Nellie replied with immense dignity, “Of course I do! I’m well over the age of content!” In another episode, Nellie has a suitor named Vernon Smallpiece, whom she addresses as ‘Vermin Bigpiece’. When Eli insists on playing the high-powered executive once he is in charge of the pickle business, Nellie asks him who he thinks he is “sat sitting there like a big business typhoon!”
Ah, I remember the filum with Gregory Peck. I hadn’t realised it was based on Mr O’Flaherty
As is, Merchant Banker.