Leisurely Scribbles (part 5) (Part 1)

Hobbies & Pastimes Hobbies & Pastimes: Chat / Discussions
1621

:lol: Brave lad Spitty.

Lets face it, whether we like it or not we have to have rules.
If I remember me bible properly the first ever rule for mankind was given by God to Adam and Eve, “You can eat the fruit from every tree in the garden, except the one with the nasty looking snake wrapped around it”
Fair enough says Adam, I won’t go near that one. Most men understand orders from above and know there is hell to pay if disobeyed, the there are women, say no more, we all know what happened next and no one can ever blame a man for landing the whole human race in the shit we’re in today.
I rest my case yer honour.:smiley:

I wonder did Eve turn over a new leaf every year?:wink:

1622

We have Trump morning noon and night in the news, Capt’n Donny’s infantry, reminds me of that old Joseph Locke song from the Broadway Operetta “Naughty Marietta”

Trump, trump, trump along the highway
Trump, trump, trump, the road is free
Blazing trails along the byway
For men of war are we

Trump, trump, trump now clear the roadway
Room, room, room, the world is free
We’re planters and Canucks
Virginians and Kentucks
Captain Dick’s Own Infantry
Captain Dick’s Own Infantry.:slight_smile:

1623

is there too much sun beating down in Ireland at the moment - to be sure; to be sure!

there was a young fella called Jem
whos sword quivered at the sight of his pen
He’d make the ladies all swoon, at his bayful old tunes
then he’d run and hide away in his man den!

1624

When the position of America’s president
is given over to the next power-mad clown;
I hope there’ll be no-one hesitant
In renaming the place ‘Trumpton Town’.

I kinda hope he really shocks the whole world
with his Instagram stuff and his ‘tweeting’.
After all,we can ALL read what a dick the prez is…
…and for they colonials,that takes some beating!

1625

You got that right Gumbud, that’s me, in and out don’t hang about. I found out the hard way that one can get into trouble hanging about a forum all day, I found meself replying to posts I shouldn’t be replying to.;-):slight_smile:

It’s Sugar time for Donny.

Oh he’s tweeting in the morning tweeting in the evening tweeting at suppertime
He’s the biggest tweeter and they love him all the time
Money in the morning money in the evening money at suppertime
He has all the money and you don’t get a dime.:slight_smile:

1626

Y’know,we sit here in peace,sipping our drinks and enjoying the odd cigar,watching you Earthlings TOTALLY forget that without the infrastructure,non of this human posturing,arguing,point-scoring and genocide as huge stacks of a thing you call ‘money’ are piled high,for the next generation to argue over…and we’re SO glad we didn’t make ourselves known and invite your planet to join our federation! Beep…

1627

A young lady walks into a supermarket and on her way round she sees the bloke who, the previous evening, after they had met in a pub, had his wicked way with her .

He was stacking washing powder boxes onto the shelves.

“You lying toad,” she yells" Last night you told me you were a stunt pilot."

“Not so,” he says, “I told you I was a member of the Ariel display team.”

1628

That Daz, he’s so Bold.

1629

Greetings to the unit called Pug, we are situated at the far side of Galaxy 1017 a little East of Yonggo, we picked up your message and agree with it, the puny microbes called Earthlings never seem to learn that no one in the rest of the Universe want’s a belt of them, they keep flinging firecrackers into the sky in a vain attempt to get off there self ruined planet.
We picked up a signall from one of their orbiting stations, it asked the earthling inside to “Keep their eyes peeled for UFO’s” Why do they peel their eyes and what do they do with the skins? What strange little insects they are.:slight_smile:

1630

I used some Daz in my wash, my best Tee Shirt came out “Whiter than White”, shame, it was Blue when I put it in.

1631

Nothing beats Rinso for your big wash.
I worked as a dogsbody for a few weeks in an hotel, I used Tide in all the rooms but the manager told me to always use Ariel in the reception area.:smiley:

1632

Every time I see a Sky installation Man, I sing “For Hands that do Dishes”.:slight_smile:

1633

:lol: love that one.
Our electricity board were forever having breakdowns so they employed 50 German engineers, everything is fine now, many Hans make light work.:smiley:

1634

I had a neck brace fitted last week
WHAT a difference it’s made…I haven’t looked back once,since I’ve been wearing it…

1635

One other thing,while I’m here…I work with a bloke who gets RIGHT on my tits. He really does…vegetarian this,meat is murder that,lactose is only for calves,etc etc…he gets on my TITS!
[did I mention that yet?]
Right…SO…I am gonna make it my life’s work to discover a new,unknown,unheard-of animal…or at least,to breed one…and I’m going to call it a fkn QUORN!
Yeah…so stitch THAT,you lettuce-munching twat!

Umm…btw chaps;one is not at ALL angered by that nettle-nurturing Gaylord PITA! M’kay?!?

1636

A Quorn? I had one of them on me big toe, not sure you can eat them though, besides it wouldn’t sound right in the shop would it “Give me a quarter kilo of Quorns please” you have to make it easy on the customer to make it a hit. :smiley:
I don’t eat meat meself Pug but I don’t make a song and dance about the fact, I just went off it a few years ago, live and let live I say, don’t eat lettuce either.:slight_smile: The wife would eat a horses arse through a hedge if she got the chance, loves her meat she does and good luck to her.:slight_smile:

1637

New Paratrooper Training

She went through the standard training and completed the practice jumps from higher and higher structures, and finally went to take her first jump from a plane.

The next day, she called home to tell her mum the news.

“So did you jump ?” asked her mother.

Well, let me tell you what happened the girl said.

We went up in the plane and the sergeant opened the door and asked for volunteers to jump. About a dozen recruits got up and just walked out of the plane.

“Did you jump” then ? asked her mother.

Er, No. The sergeant started to grab the other recruits, one at a time and threw them out of the door.

“Did you jump then ?” asked her mother.

The girl replied, “everyone else had jumped and I was the last one left on the plane. I told the sergeant that I was too scared to jump, he told me to jump or he would kick my butt”.

So, “did you jump ?”

“No. He tried to push me out of the plane, but I grabbed the door and refused to go”.

“Finally he called over the jump master, the jump master was a great big guy about 6ft 6” and about 280 Ibs. He said to me, “are you going to jump or not ?”

I said “no, I am too scared”.

"So the Jump Master pulled down his zipper and took out his willy, I swear mum, it was about 10 inches long and as round as a baseball bat.

He said “Either you jump out of that door or I am sticking this bad boy right up you” .

“So did you jump ?” asked her mother.

“A little at first”.

1638

:lol: Naughty girl.

The wife and me went out to see my brother and his wife this morning, they live about ten miles outside the city. We haven’t been out with them in years and I hate going there but we had family business to see to and it couldn’t be avoided. Anyway I’m telling you this because his missus is one of those women who insists you take off your shoes in the hall before you go into the house proper, God I hate that stupid ritual, all your short of doing is taking a thurible with incense puffing out of it and bowing all the way into the sitting room. She usually wears one of those Japanese kimono things with her big fat arse sticking out like a duck, she’s weird, so is he come to think of it, but you know what they say “As God makes them he matches them” Her’s is the only house I know of who insist on this no shoes thing, as for lighting up a fag, out of the question, not a snowballs chance in hell, We were in and out in 15 minutes, in future anymore business can be done by email.;-):slight_smile:

1639

At least you do get the choice,Jem,to see them or not.
I haven’t seen/spoken to ANY of my family for over 23 years.
It’s part of the reason I flatly refuse to soil my idyllic world with that horrible Farcebook.
They all frequent it…I prefer reference books.
The REASON they refuse to speak to me?
Well,if I were to tell you I’m illegitimate,will you choose their path?

I await the telling silence…

1640

which family are you talkin about he legitimate or illegitimate - look ‘mate’ ya eever well or ill. I reckon wez all ille - wot he said after wez got thrown out of the garden of the legitimate!