Jem, I built my own empire (literally), surely that sets me apart.
Fair hands won fair maiden, well, for now anyway.
And a fine job you made of it too Spitty, you deserve your fair maiden.;-)
I hope you have it all well documented for posterity.
That brings to mind the Irish MP Sir Boyle Roche from way back in the 1700’s, he didn’t give a damn about posterity simple because posterity didn’t give a damn about him, and fair play to him he wasn’t long about letting the other members of the Irish house of commons in on his views.
To give the opposition it’s due, they did not want future generations to be burdened with debt, how many politicians give that any consideration these days?
“In a debate in the late eighteenth century in the Irish House of Commons on the vote of a grant, which was recommended by the chancellor of the exchequer as one not likely to be felt burdensome for many years to come, opponents argued that the House had no right to load posterity with a debt from which it could not benefit, to which government supporter Sir Boyle Roche MP famously responded: ‘Why should we put ourselves out of the way to do anything for posterity, for what has posterity ever done for us?"
https://i.postimg.cc/zGQYpg82/index.jpg
“Sir Boyle Roche, 1st Baronet was an Irish politician. After a distinguished career in North America with the British Army, Roche became a member of the Irish House of Commons in 1775, generally acting in support of the viceregal government. Wikipedia
Born: October 1736, Galway
Died: June 5, 1807, Dublin”
Sir Boyle Roche was what you might call a distinguished gobshite, there are quite a few of them still around today, here are some of his better known quotes, they make him sound like an 18th century Donald Trump. 
“We should silence anyone who opposes the right to freedom of speech”
“I answer in the affirmative with an emphatic ‘No.’
“The cup of Ireland’s misery has been overflowing for centuries and is not yet half full”
Ah yes, politicians are always good for a laugh, yakety yak yak…
Freeloaders with no restrictions have been about as long as the human race has been present. If they had had a couple of mental tariffs, maybe the outcome would have been better, anyway, less than 6000 years seems reasonable.
Thinking about thousands of years back Spitty.
I was always fascinated by how they made and built such perfectly accurate stuff thousands of years ago. this was on my mind as I dozed of to sleep last night.
So not surprisingly I had a dream about the Egyptian Pyramids, I was a young man and had just started a job as a pyramid builder, a top position them days, and I thought I was the bee’s knees as I headed off to my first day’s work.
I was chiselling away merrily on a figure of the goddess Iris when I dropped me water bottle and it fell behind a supporting beam inside the burial chamber I was working on with two huge gay blokes, when I went to pick it up one of the fellas jumped on top of me (must have been the heat that got to him in there) and we both crashed off the beam, the whole thing collapsed and I was entombed in a small outer chamber with these two lads forever.
What a horrible nightmare, I needn’t tell yeh I was relieved when I woke up.:shock:
The Pyramids are the last survivors of the seven wonders of the old world, it’s amazing they are still there with all the shit that has gone into the atmosphere since the industrial revolution, and remember that “Acid Rain” back in the 70’s that was supposed to destroy all buildings?, wrong call there I think.;-)
Even to this day, and with all the technology at our disposal we still don’t know how they were built thousands of years ago, and there is not one construction company or brain in the World today who could build another one.
Kara Cooney, a professor of Egyptian art and architecture at the University of California says:
“We actually don’t know [their] mechanism of cutting hard stones like red granite, and we still don’t know how the ancient Egyptians lifted blocks weighing hundreds of tons up the sides of the pyramids.”
How refreshing to hear an honest professor admit that, others will try to bamboozle you with scientific bullshit.
It’s just another unsolved mystery to add to hundreds of others.
Yet there are folks who instantly dismiss Eric Van Daniken’s theory that the earth was visited many times by alien beings who thought selected earthlings skills they never dreamed possible, and when they mastered these skills they kept them so secret that they eventually died with the knowledge and they were lost to us forever, although there are some who say the Masons got hold of them somehow, I’m open to all theories.
These Pyramid workers, craftsmen, and their families all lived in a compound next to the site of building and no outsiders were permitted to visit them or the site, all part of the terms and conditions of employment I believe.
When they were finally completed, who’s to say the Pharaohs didn’t entomb the lot of them inside a Pyramid and keep any wages due, killing two birds with the one stone, the know how secrets and holding onto the lolly.;-)
Anyway it would be tough looking for a job as an experienced Pyramid builder, they could have all been put on furlough in the meantime, but as far as I know nobody ordered any more Pyramids in that part of the world, Mexico was yer only chance of getting work, the Maya, Inca, and Aztec built a lot of them, but getting from Egypt to Mexico back then was like trying to send a man to Mars today.
There’s loads of very interesting theories out there, decide for yourself.
I have never been to Egypt, maybe it’s because my youngest brother went there back in the 1970’s and had a bad experience.
He wasn’t long out of secondary school and had just started a good job, he saved very hard for a two week holiday in Egypt, a place he always wanted to see, so when he had enough money he set off that first week in September with his best mate.
The pair of them were mugged by a gang of six, two of them had knives, when on their way home to their hotel after having a few drinks in some club or other.
Money, travellers cheques, their two watches, an onyx and gold signet ring, shoes and jackets were stolen from them on their first night. Luckily they handed over everything they were asked to and were not physically hurt.
I remember the rest of the family pooling in to help them out, but the shock was too great for the two of them to continue the holiday and they were home within the same week, my Dad arranged for the week they had left to be spent in Killarney to help them forget what happened, and they enjoyed it.
The youngest brother is a very sensitive person and he has never forgotten that night.
And now for some word scribbling, a bit of codology or Jemology if you like.
The Redundant Pyramid Builder.
Seth was Egyptian, a slip of a lad aged nine
When he first came to Giza, to serve his time
To be a Pyramid builder was his only wish
It beats making egg timers and skinning Fish.
Soon he was out there amongst all the sand
Sitting on a block with a square ruler in his hand
Along came the gaffer, and one of the top brass
“Get off that boulder and load up your idle Ass”
That was the start of a long and happy career
And he moved up the ladder to become an overseer
There were two thousand men under him every day
Trampling their feet in the mortar and hay.
But now they are all built and that work is in the past
He knew the job was too good to last
Seth didn’t mind his chipped hands, plus his back was sore
It’s just that nobody wanted Pyramids anymore.
The poor chap should have joined the union.
As the fella said “When you stand alone you beg, when you stand together you bargain”
Jem, you just have to stop, Posthaste.
I find it hard to believe anything from any ‘official’ outlet these days, there are so many conflicting recommendations, death reports, testing figures, etc., about coronavirus that I’m sure nobody in authority has a clue or are telling lies just to make it look like they know what they are talking about.
Lying by government officials and by the media seems to be OK now, they are all at it, whatever happened to the truth?, we can take it.
“Sometimes we have to tell lies to protect the truth”
Those words were spoken to me a few years ago by a retired politician when he called into our local canvassing for his nephew in a general election, they love to keep these plum jobs in the family over here.
I had asked him a question, and to make a fat story thin, I had caught him out in a government lie.
I have to say that I was a bit stunned by that strange reply, was it a good thing or a bad thing, lying to protect the truth? I suppose it would all depend on what the truth was, and lets face it truth is very scarce in all political circles, one might say it’s overprotected.
It sort of reminded of an old saying that comes in handy for the super rich when they are asked to part with a bit of spare dosh to help the needy of this World “You cannot strengthen the weak by weakening the strong”, it also gives them a moral boost just by saying that.
I have to admit that I have lied to protect the truth, like when my wife’s Father had terminal cancer, I was told about it but asked to keep it from the wife and her Mother, there was no point in making them suffer the anxiety and mental pain of the waiting and false hoping.
Amazing what they can do with words, there are words and sayings for every situation and they have been used over and over again, same meanings, different formats, but all designed to make the few stay in control, but the few in charge even have words to answer that, it’s another expression I hate
“Well somebody has to do it, haven’t they?”
No they don’t have to do it, they like doing it, otherwise they’d get out of the kitchen as that other political saying goes.
No One can be in charge, on one is clever enough to be aware of all the permutations, you should know that Jem, as a betting Man.
Yes indeed Spitty, nobody has the brains to run the whole sheebang, that’s probably why so many of us believe in a supreme being pulling the strings.
When you look at the big picture, we think we are the cat’s whiskers, but we are not even a microbe’s microbe, we just don’t count.
There goes another one, “The Big Picture”, the thing about the big picture is it will never be finished, the artist keeps changing it and adding on more and more stuff as he goes along, the universe is eternal.
There was a lovely girl from the village of Moy in Co. Tyrone, her name was Ellen and she was my pen friend back in the late 50’s when pen friending was popular.
As we grew older we kept up the correspondence and on her 17th birthday we arranged to meet for lunch in a cafe in Dublin’s city centre.
It was the first time I saw her in the flesh and she had a beautiful face and a fine hefty figure.
Well I soon found out why she was so heavy, she had a huge appetite for French fries, she had SIX helpings at that one sitting!
After a while we stopped writing to each other and the relationship faded out altogether, I still have an enlarged photo of that beautiful face hanging on my bedroom wall, and underneath are scrolled the words
“Ellen of Moy, the face that lunched a thousand chips”
Crap I know, but original crap none the less. It’s my entry for this years “Corny Fakes” competition sponsored by a well know cornflakes company. I just thought you might share the agony with me.
You select a figure from history or a well known film, song, saying, and alter the words to rhyme with the original.
The corniest entry wins the first prize of a years supply of cornflakes…365 boxes.
I hope I don’t win it, as I never eat cornflakes, I’m a porridge man myself, I’d probably sell them to a local shop anyway, shame on me.
Seems appropriate for some reason.
I see you are ticking over nicely Spitty, that’s the spirit laddie, it’s the ticking over attitude that got our civilian populations through two World wars, dozens of pandemics, numerous transport and power strikes, and scores of crackpot political leaders.
Sadly when I try to tick over and fill the house with merriment, song, and glee, I get ticked off, harsh words are bestowed on me “Would you ever stop acting the eejit, your frightening the Dog”
It’s only when the ticking over stops that you’re in the manure business, it’s goodnight Dick.
Hope springs eternal, never despair, as the old wise ones used to say “Live horse and you’ll get grass”
Yes ticking over during these dodgy times is most important, but so too is time and good timing.
If you haven’t got good timing you may miss out on a lot of good things, whereas if you have bad timing you can you can cock up a lot of good things.
My missus has very bad timing, not her fault bless her, when she’s out she usually rings me when I’m in the jacks or having a shower, or she’ll come out to the shed telling me the TV has conked out in the middle of a soap she was watching, and there am I with goggles and a mask on me face, a blowtorch in one hand and a crucible of white hot metal in the other ready to pour it into a mould, yes perfect timing.
My parents must have had good timing when I was born in late 1945, the war was just over by a few weeks, and there’s not been any more World wars during my lifetime, that wasn’t a bad time slot, imagine being around during the hundred years war (1337–1453), and we’re moaning about a probable two year pandemic.
There was plenty of work available when I reached a working age in the early 60’s, great selection of bands and music then too, got married young at the right time to the right girl and practically grew up with our two children so we were always very close and understood each others ways.
Yes, not bad timing at all, tell you what, I wouldn’t like to be a young man today starting out, don’t fancy the odds of staying the course with all these political nut cases in charge, anything can happen anytime and all the good timing on your part won’t make a jot of difference.
The wife and me had a photograph taken with the daughter and her family the other night, it was her birthday, and when she showed it to us on her laptop she said “That’s a good one, it’ll be great for future memories”
Now I know I’m only splitting hairs for devilment, but surely “future memories” contradicts itself, for how can one have memories of the future when the future hasn’t happened yet?
Speaking of splitting hairs, I have a brother in law who used to be a butcher and he used to split hares and rabbits with a meat clever all day long for a living, you could get nice hare cuts in his shop, and an Arab chap used to come in and buy the odd hare brain as a delicacy, all at reasonable prices, but they had to let him go, no call for that type of meat any more, the myxomatosis done away with all that. ;-)
When I was growing up in Dublin there were almost no black people here, the only time you would see anyone who wasn’t white was if you had to visit a hospital where there were a few black doctors and medical students.
Now when I say white I really mean white, us inner townie kids were all skinny and as white as sheets, milky looking faces from lack of sunshine getting through all those old tenement buildings I suppose, then again it could have been from all that free milk we got in school, cow juice they used to call it, I’ve never drank as much as a glass of milk since I left school, hate the stuff.
Strange then that my first real employer, the man who gave me a chance at the bench and took me on as an apprentice was from Trinidad, a real nice gentleman who had served his own apprenticeship in Hatton Garden and then married an Irish girl, they later moved their family back to her hometown in Dublin, he did very well here and his eldest son still carries on the business.
He tutored me personally for two years back in the early 60’s and taught me many things about the jewellery trade, I owe that man a lot, lord rest his kind soul.
Today the town is full of people from all over the World and it’s a very lively place to be if you are young, I have no wish to be young again, but if I were I wouldn’t mind doing the town as it is now for a few nights.
They all seem to mingle well, our new neighbours are from Mauritius, a very cheerful family and most helpful if you needed help, it makes a good change from the ever changing groups of students who used to rent the house, nice to have young kids about again.
He works for a big international concern here and his wife is manager of a city Hotel, none of them drink, so I was surprised when she knocked on my door last night with a bottle of Graham’s 20 year old Port, she got it as a present from a contented guest as he was leaving the Hotel, she asked me if I’d be offended if she gave it to me, offended!, well you know me, any old port in a storm, I was over the Moon, it is gorgeous by the way, but l’ll have to stick to Sandman’s when this bottle is empty, I could never afford 75 euro for a bottle of Graham’s 20 year old.
After two glasses of the stuff I’m feeling very sentimental tonight, Christmas must be coming again and it’s the memory of that old Christmas card, how sweet it is.
Here’s a nice soft sentimental song, reminds of when I got married, nothing to do with Christmas I hasten to add before I’m lynched for even mentioning the “C” word before it’s time.
Good folks from any race, are always thrown in to the cauldron, just for arguments sake, its taking a long time to see what’s been thrown into the Hadron.
Don’t get me started on my favourite white Elephant Spitty, the Hadron Collider, billions spent flinging balls at a wall and not a sausage worth of new info came out of it, but at least all the well paid chancers involved had a smashing time.
I’m sure If Spike Mulligan was alive today he’d write a good comedy sketch about it, that kind of thing was right up his alley.;-)
The coronavirus rules keep changing all the time here, two days ago they said the “wet” pubs would open in two weeks, now they say they won’t, must be driving the poor publicans to despair.
I can imagine when this is all over and I go back to me local, the landlord will take me to one side and say “This is a pub Jim, but not as you know it”
I know there are far more important establishments than pubs, but I’m just pointing out how those in charge don’t seem to know their arse from their elbows, organised chaos is all it is.
I’m disgusted by the way the whole thing is being handled, no consistency at all, it’s either they closed down something too late or they opened up something too early, and them with offices of “Experts’ at their disposal. Dublin is heading for another general lockdown I hear.:shock:
God be with the days when we had true political heroes, men with true leadership qualities, men who put the people first, men who one could truly say of ’The emergency arose and the man appeared” Sad we have no such leaders to get us through this emergency, sadder still is it’s a World wide thing.
Money, power, and greed seems to be the only motivation for politicians nowadays, and they don’t bother to hide the fact either, shameful.
What the world now needs badly is a boatload of new political messiahs.
Strictly as an example and not to start a political debate, but this was said yesterday concerning corona virus by a powerful world leader.
“And you’ll develop, you’ll develop herd – like a herd mentality. It’s going to be – it’s going to be herd developed - and that’s going to happen. That will all happen,” ~ Donald J. Trump”
See what I mean? What the hell is herd mentality? Mad Cows with guns? Have you ever HERD such crap in all your life from a statesman? World leaders me arse, you’d get more sense out of a demented Hedgehog.
Reminds me of that old Irish ad for milk they used to have on TV, when the farmer goes out to his field, and a voice from above says.
“He heard the call of the herd, and the herd heard him”
Seems we’re all suckers.
“The people—that strange, dull, hapless, helpless multitude—always hoping, always credulous, always deceived, and always ready to be deceived.”
SIR WILLIAM BUTLER, K.C.B, writer, soldier, adventurer. (31 October 1838 – 7 June 1910)
And now a short prayer for those of us oldies back in isolation.
Blessed are the isolated ones trapped in their garrets and gardens,
For one day they shall be released and may venture forth to B&Q, at a distance, and it shall be on Wednesdays, when all charges shall be dropped by 20% for oldies, but do come early, for just like yesterdays chips, when they are gone, they are gone.
Thank you dear Lord.
It’s like living in a submarine and not knowing when we will surface.
I think we may now need Douglas Herd.
Long time since we herd from him, maybe he got lost in the roundup.
I have a mouse in me workshop, the little bugger is driving me mad with it’s scratching, it waits until I’m dug into a piece of work before it starts, then when I drop everything to look for it it goes all silent.
I asked the missus to get me a mouse trap in the local hardware shop when she went out today, they hadn’t got any so she went into town to get one.
I heard raw pork sausage meat is the ideal bait for the trap, and that’s what I put into it, hope it catches him.
Here’s an interesting little tail, well it made me smile.
The three blind mice made famous in the popular nursery rhyme have been stripped of their disability benefits, the Department for Work and Pensions confirmed today.
‘Following a reassessment for the new Personal Independence Payments,’ explained Work and Pensions Secretary Iain Duncan-Smith, ‘our investigations showed that none of the three mice was in fact blind, although they were assessed as suffering from ‘mild’ sight conditions. As a result they have been reassigned as fit for work and have had their benefits cancelled with immediate effect, and we might even prosecute them for benefits fraud.’
The mice have vowed to fight the decision however, arguing that it was not their intention to deceive anyone by referring to themselves as blind. ‘What were we supposed to do?’ asked one. ‘Two short-sighted mice and one with a slight astigmatism doesn’t sound too catchy does it? It was just a convenient label. And as none of us can really wear glasses or contact lenses it’s jolly hard running away from farmers’ wives trying to cut off our tails.’ The DWP has confirmed that their lack of tails doesn’t affect ability to work either.
Origin “News Biscuit” archives April 25 2018.
Nice work Jem, very entertaining, or should that be “mice work”,. Fit for work, never trust a twat, SITTING, the other side of a desk.
I’m pleased to report that I caught that pesky mouse in me shed, well not me exactly, the wife went out there yesterday to fetch a new mop head and she saw the poor creature in the trap, it was a quick clean kill according to herself, the trap was a strong steel affair and it snapped right on it’s neck, so it did not suffer.
When I asked her where she put the trap so I could disinfect it and save it for another day she told me she dumped it in the bin along with the mouse, bloody hell I forked out nearly ten quid for that trap, she said she was not going to put her hands on a dead mouse, even with gloves on, and that was that, ten quid or no ten quid.:shock:
What about the three deaf mice?, yeh never hear about them, let’s not be discriminative, I’ll fix that, one mouse with a disability is the same as the next in my book.
Three deaf mice, three deaf mice
They had no music fun, they had no music fun
They all suffered from isolation strife
So they chewed the ears offa the farmer’s wife
She never got such a fright in her life
From three deaf mice.
Yes, she was a bit Mutt and Jeff herself and didn’t hear them creeping up on her.
My dear old grandmother used to tell the older brother and me ghost stories at bed time, some people might think that strange but fair play to her, we both grew up scared of nothing supernatural, she used to say that it’s only the living that can harm you, and when you think about it that’s the truth.
One thing she particularly pointed out to us was never to tempt evil, evil exists and should be fought not encouraged. 
For instance I would never mess about with a ouija board, or anything to do with summoning up evil, I prefer to let the hare sit where evil is concerned, avoid it whenever possible.
I remember as a youth of 18, when six of us lads went on a weekend trip to county Cork, we stayed in a very old mansion that was once owned by a judge back in the early 1700’s, we were told that this judge was an evil man and had dozens of peasants hanged for petty offences.
Now you can believe this or not, it’s no skin off my nose, but it is a fact, and three of those lads are alive today and would gladly verify it.
The place had been converted into an hotel when we were there, around 1964, very high ceilings all decorated with ornate plaster work, we were billeted three to a room. It was in late September and we got the weekend at a very reasonable rate, but the weather was woeful.
On our first night there a storm was raging outside, torrential rain and the wind was very high.
After we finished dinner we all went into the huge bar where we all got slightly pissed, one of the lads went up to his room and came back down with a ouija board and five of them (I made my excuses to abstain and went to sit at the bar) sat around the table, they couldn’t decide who to summon up until one of them suggested the obvious, “lucifer’”
They got as far as the letter “C” when suddenly a huge section of the ceiling plaster collapsed missing the table by inches! This big lump of plaster was about six feet square and must have weighed a ton, it surely would have flattened the table and all those sitting around it.
God forgive me but all I could do was laugh at the look on all of their faces, talk about shock!
We got a few rounds of free drinks from the management and a couple of quid knocked off our bill, we were quite happy with that, but that was in the days before folks put in “claims” for everything.
Here’s my favourite celebrity “singing” “That Old Black Magic”, and deliberately making a mess of it, but I’d sooner look at her ruining it than look at ol’ blue eyes singing it properly any day.