Who sang ‘Porn in the USA’ and ‘Every time you go away you take a piece of meat with you’?
There was a porn film out shortly after the famous film, it was called “Shaving Ryan’s Privates”
The lyrics in some of the most successful songs are quite silly Pug. Being a man of music yerself , penning a No1 hit should be no problem to you, for all we know you could have done so already, you have mastered the hard part of music-the playing of the instruments-, you write some very fine poems too, you got plenty of material traveling all over the place, I would imagine composing the melody would be the hardest bit, so get cracking auld son, then lie back and let the dosh roll in, the World is your Oyster.
I’m going to have a go at writing the Worlds weepiest and sloppiest love song, as I won’t be able to compose a new melody I’ll have to nick one, this song will have yez in rivers of tears, coming soon so watch this space. I’ll give you a clue what it’s about. A young newly married couple set out on a pleasure cruise for a honeymoon, the ship sinks and the man ends up on one desert island and the girl on another, kind of a man/ woman Robinson Crusoe thing only each has to fend for themselves on different islands, anyway after surviving for ten years separately a rescue ship picks them up and they are reunited on board, but just as he kisses her the boat is torpedoed by a Chinese submarine on island patrol, all hands (and legs) are lost, sad ain’t it.
…and as shattered,broken fingers claw at the edges of floating wood,pulling themselves breathlessly onto the doors,they realise they’re floating apart,the current too strong to swim against,the waves high enough to obscure their last glimpses of one another,as,in the cold wastes of the uncaring ocean,their last cries are of undying love toward each other,as the sun sets and darkness descends upon them-and upon their heavy hearts,ripped apart by cruel fate,unknowing which god they’ve angered,that such terrible pain should be lain upon their broken,crying hearts…and,as the waves and darkness pulled them ever further apart,eyes filled with unshed tears,at the pain that only true love can bring,the pain that can shatter a heart,crumble a soul,destroy laughter…
By George you’ve got it Pug, I can’t beat that, how about making it into a musical? if ‘Oh Calcutta’ can put bums on seats anything could.
I could never figure out that theatrical expression ‘Putting bums on seats’ what do they do? round up all the bums living rough and ferry them off to the theatre?;-)
Weeeell…if ya gotta ‘coin a phrase’, then it certainly beats “Enticing buttocks onto cushions”,Jem. Tell y’what;I’ll do the musical score,you come up with soul-ripping lyrics,kay? After all,you have the Irish Gift and I have the degree in Musical Construction & Interpretation…we’ll make MILLIONS!
If that isn’t put up for The Man Booker prize there is no literary justice in this world.
I think it’s spelt Booker .
A burst football is washed ashore and he stuffs the opening with straw to make it look like the head of a companion, he places it on a rock and stares lovingly at it, his insides are twisted from hunger as he tries to collect his voice, then in a husky tone he blurts out his words to that old Elvis song “Are you Lonesome Tonight” (Alright, I nicked a bit from Tom Hanks Castaway film, but who cares)
Are you wholesome tonight
I’m in need of a bite
I’m not sorry you drifted my way
Is your head filled with grain
To relive my hunger pain
Tell me dear are you wholesome tonight.
http://i736.photobucket.com/albums/xx4/jemflux/starsinoureyes-castaway-650.jpg
That just made my day!
Thank you o great lyricist you!
Hard as I’ve tried I can’t for the life of me imagine myself as a Woman stranded alone on a desert Island, I never had a feminine side to me and I just cannot think like a Woman. I’m afraid we’ll have to ask the help of of the ladies on this side of of it Pug. I don’t want to sound like I’m chauvinist or any such thing, far from it, but could a Woman survive on a Island like Robinson Crusoe? I have never heard tell of it, and then what about his companion Friday, in the case of a Woman I would assume the companion would be female also, can you imagine two Women getting along together on an Island?
Two Women stranded on a Desert Island. by Mars Barr.
The ship went under as she swam ashore
Her tired arms ached and her back was sore
Standing to her feet she looked all around
Something in the Palms made a crying sound
Another of her sex sat under a tree
Sobbing out loudly "What’s to become of me?
“Get off your arse and light a fire
Me clothes are all wet and I look dire”
So the pair of them rubbed some sticks together
Their hands became rough and they felt like leather
Finally they gave up and heaped some twigs in a mass
One of them used reading glasses as a magnifying glass
They sat at the fire drying their clothes
Debating on how best they could powder their nose
They chatted away saying how miserable they felt
Having to sit there in they’re pelt
One of them tried to make a skirt from leaves
But got stung on the tits by tropical bees
When it was finished she let out a hiss
“Hey Friday, does my bum look big in this?”
http://i736.photobucket.com/albums/xx4/jemflux/00f87f64-2885-49a8-863a-3e91fccc8d0f_625x352.jpg
[ahem] …nice try,Jem-but allow moi…
…as the splintered section of hardly-afloat stiff but flexible mast they were clinging desperately to came within swimming distance of the shore,the realisation came to the ladies…there would be no rescue. “Damnit,Hermione-£45 for this perm-and NOW look at it!” Hermione,who was draped across the pole,trying not to swallow,glanced up… “Oh-and you think I ENJOY hanging onto this stiff pole,when I’m totally moist,trying not to get another prick in my hand,do you?!” Gladys looked down-she was totally saturated,her ample assets constantly being soaked by the spray coming from the nearing mass. “Right-let’s GO for it!” she cried-and released her hold on the pole…Hermione,realising she’d have to try guiding the massive pole into harbour unaided,let go too. Both women were breast stroking through the raging surf,arriving at the beach together. As they tried to stand,in the shallow wetness,wearing just their skimpy Victoria’s Secret underwear,they heard “Phwoooooaar!” from their left,where the headland was. Exhausted,hugging each other,they staggered toward the sound - to find the ONLY other person ever to be stranded on that island,staring at them in amazement. “Oh my GOD!” Hermione stammered…“Look at the size of his tool!” For the island’s only resident was indeed holding his spear by the shaft-and it was angled toward the nearly naked ladies. “Who are you-and where are we?” asked Gladys,keeping her arm around Hermione…“Well,now-I’m Jem…and I do believe we’re in Heaven!” grinned the king of the island “And bejaysus-I now have a harem!”
Well done Pug, got a good belly laugh reading that.
No sign of Gumbud yet, I’m taking a long break from the forum, see you all sometime.
Ciao Baby.
Don’t be gone long Jem. Cos you’re one of the gems of this place.
I thought he’s a Jem?
He’s a gemmy Jem!
And his name is Jimmy, that makes him a gemmy jem Jimmy.
He needs to be here to see this, his new nickname!
He’s the one and only GJJ!
Try saying that a few times, fast, after drinking wine! 
Jem is a Gem, and has many Facets, there have been a few Diamond Geezers and, at least one Amethyst.
You can’t do that Jem. :shock:
We will find out where you live and come and drag you out to play. x.