ciao! bubbles!
Many years ago in the old Phoenix Park racecourse (gone now and houses built on the site) they held a special charity race called “The Fish Stakes” It featured real jockeys with fishy names, Christy Roach, Tom Pike, Ray Sharkey, Frank Codd, Peter Whaley, Richard Rudd, and a few more I can’t remember. The paddock was renamed the haddock for the day, fish steaks were on offer in the restrauant and the winner received 500 squid, all in good fun.
The horse I backed got battered.
Owners do give their horses some funny names, it’s all in fun but sometimes it’s a mischievous attempt to get by the very strict rules on horse naming by the jockey club, for example, no swear or vulgar words, and no more than 18 letters in the name, no brackets or question marks, etc.I think others do it to see how the commentators handle pronouncing the names.
There is a horse I always put a bob or two on when he runs, I believe it’s owned by a Frank something who hires out skips, he very cleverly calls it “Sandfrankskipsgo” It has won several times.
Pug mentioned the bold horse “Hoof hearted” there was another around at the same time as Hoof hearted called “Ice Melted”
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A horse walks into a bar. The barman confuses idioms with jokes and offers him a glass of water, but can’t make him drink.
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I put a bet on a horse to come in at 10 to 1 – and it did! Unfortunately all the others came in at 12.30.
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A horse walks into a bar. The barman asks: “Why the long face?”
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I put a bet on a horse that had excellent breeding. After the horse left the starting gate, he stopped and closed it behind him.
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A horse walks into a bar. “Hey,” says the barman. “Yes please,” says the horse.
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What do you call a horse that can’t lose a race? Sherbet.
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Have you heard the one about the runaway horse? It’s a terrible tale of WHOA!
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Where do horses go when they’re sick? The horsepital.
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What’s black and white and eats like a horse? A zebra.
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Why should you never be rude to a jump jockey? In case he takes offence.
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What’s a horse’s favourite TV show? Neighbours.
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A pony went to the doctor complaining about having a sore throat. The doctor said: “It’s OK, you’re just a little horse.”
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Some racehorses are staying in a stable. One of them starts to boast about his track record. “In the last 15 races, I’ve won eight of them!”
Another horse breaks in: “Well in the last 27 races, I’ve won 19!”
“Oh that’s good, but in the last 36 races, I’ve won 28!” says another.
At this point, the horses notice a greyhound, who has been sitting there listening. “I don’t mean to boast,” says the greyhound, “but in my last 90 races, I’ve won 88 of them!”
The horses are clearly amazed. “Wow!” says one, after a hushed silence. “A talking dog!”
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How do you spell ‘Hungry Horse’ in four letters? MTGG.
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A jockey is walking down the road leading a racehorse when he bumps into a friend. “What are you planning to do with that nag?” the man asks. “Race it,” replies the jockey, surprised. “Well, by the look of it,” the man says, “You’ll win!”
Some good horsey laughs there Sweetie, thank you.
Talking about long faces, what about long hands? I have seen many hands, necks, and ears in the course of my work. A good point to note when designing a ring for a lady is the length of her hands and in the case of pendants the length and width of her neck, for earrings you take the size of the ears into consideration, if one has a long face one should avoid drop earrings at all costs.:shock:
To my mind nothing looks as bad as a stubby ring on short fat hands, if one has long hands this type of ring would be far more suitable for them, short hands should wear a long headed ring reaching slightly down the finger to make the hand appear slender, for example a long oval or pear shape if an engagement ring if one is going to be wearing it every day, it should not be too high either or one will have difficulty getting a glove on and off. One might do well to remember these little things, Sometimes it makes me cringe to see clueless royalty and celebrities selecting completely unsuitable expensive jewellery, have they no one to advise them?
What is it with celebrity women’s hands that they go so wrinkly? it certainly ain’t from housework, is it spending too much time lying about in the sun?
And there endith the lesson for today, go your way in peace brothers and sisters. We will sign off with the late Max Bygraves singing “You Need Hands”
One is off now for one’s humble pint, see you all later.
Jem - can you make that ‘much later’ PLEASE!
remember less words and more Utubes - a picture tells a thousand tales?? and if ya kenny find a Utube any old tub will do??
I prefer words Gummy, indeed you ought to get back to composing some verses, you are becoming verbally lazy, instead of posting images of semi naked young females, an oul fella like ya ought to be ashamed of himself, see Father Flannery next Sunday morning after 11oc mass, he’ll put manners on yeh.;-)
Many thanks Sweetie, you are indeed a very obliging Lady.
Good old sinalonga Max, he never gave up did he, the only man who could get grandsons to dance with their grannies, mothers with sons, uncles with nieces, and aunties with nephews, the original ‘all together now’ man.
Daniel O’Donnell is a bit like him, he doesn’t ask people for requests at his shows, all he asks is “What’s your favourite song and I’ll ruin it for you” the missus loves dear old Daniel, I can’t stand the man. he’s too sweet to be true.
You are most welcome Jem. I met Max several times in Bournemouth, lovely man with a great sense of humour. Met Daniel too. I meet them all. x
oeer - not another one who’s forgotten how to post utubes - sweetie - re-training required for the inebriates!! - is there a message to convey spits or are you jut having the vapors again??
I’m tired I will post instructions tomorrow.
LOOK, just get off yer ASS, next, you’ll be wanting me to come round there and, open yer frigging crimble presents for ya………………………….idle git.
Spitty calm down, I find it too to post YT on my phone. Anyway Gummy Bear is far too fussy these days.
Good Morning Possums.
hello possums - look let’s all do deep breathing exercises like the buddha practiced and calm down - no one is an idle git here - there are just practicing nasal breathing exercises - 1, 2 3 breathe in 124 breathe out - etc etc - rest ya hammer jacks!!
Yeah Spitty, he’s getting very picky in his old age ain’t he.;-)
I was watching an old film last night with the wife, a 1936 mystery murder called “Murder in Pictures”, a gangster was on trail and the jury was out considering their verdict, fair enough, but when they came back in the judge says, and I quote his exact words, “Members of the jury, have your reached your verdict and have you elected a foreman?” Something about it sounded fishy to me so I says to Phyllis that that is not correct, what’s wrong with it asks she, he said have you elected a foreman, well the foreman is elected before a jury even considers a verdict, first thing they do is appoint a foreman, stupid Hollywood scrip writing.
She still insists there was nothing wrong with the judges statement, I still say it’s wrong, I have never been on a jury, so who is right…Pug are ya busy?
Anatopism is the noun for something out of its proper place.
(Ana+topia …wrong+place)
There is also the synonym anachorism, for something out of its geographical place.
Again from ana+khoros…a geographical place.
Both aren’t used much, as anachronism tends to apply as well, but as I have found, not always. That’s why they were hard to find.
I’d never heard of either, so I’ve learned something!
OMG - she gone and got the vapors again!!
The Woman with Jewels
Lola Ridge, 1873
The woman with jewels sits in the cafe,
Spraying light like a fountain.
Diamonds glitter on her bulbous fingers
And on her arms, great as thighs,
Diamonds gush from her ear-lobes over the goitrous throat.
She is obesely beautiful.
Her eyes are full of bleared lights,
Like little pools of tar, spilled by a sailor in mad haste for shore. . .
And her mouth is scarlet and full—only a little crumpled—like a flower that has been pressed apart. . .
Why does she come alone to this obscure basement—
She who should have a litter and hand-maidens to support her on either side?
She ascends the stairway, and the waiters turn to look at her, spilling the soup.
The black satin dress is a little lifted, showing the dropsical legs in their silken fleshings. . .
The mountainous breasts tremble. . .
There is an agitation in her gems,
That quiver incessantly, emitting trillions of fiery rays. . .
She erupts explosive breaths. . .
Every step is an adventure
From this. . .
The serpent’s tooth
Saved Cleopatra.
get off ! - get off! - rubbish ! rubbish!! - bring on the fat lady again!!
NONE of the above waffling answers my VERY good friend Jem’s question…and as it goes,a very good question,Jem,thus matching your excellent self,good sir. [am I overdoing it,or does it all sound sincere,chaps/chappettes?] Jolly good - right,to answer your question,Jem [sorry about these planks,bro…ignore the chatter] the judge will usually ask if a ‘presiding juror’ has been chosen,prior to proceeding with the case. ‘Foreman’ as a term has been out of favour for circa a decade. This I was told by my rather good and totally tops friend Bex,who is a ‘silk’. She’s worked in courts of various types,from civil to criminal to High to Royal and knows her stuff.
SO-don’t havva poppat me…havva poppat a ‘full silk’ barrister,iff’n ya don’t like the answer…got that,gumless?