GOODNESS, what sort of GEnie have we released?
http://i736.photobucket.com/albums/xx4/jemflux/sandeman-l-port_2.jpg
There is only one Genie I want released from a bottle, he poses on the label in a black hat and long cloak.
He stands in the cellar in a cape of black
A mystery to us all
Takes a bottle of Port from the rack
And carries it down the hall.
He serves me at my leisure
Pouring to perfection
By God the man’s a treasure
And a very wise selection.
Who needs maids or a local handyman
You’ve got all you need in a bottle of Sandeman.
(Mr Sandeman & Co. please note, and I await, a crate, before Christmas, thonk yoo):-)
“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times…” Best opening to any story I have ever read, that Dickens chap certainly had a fine head on his shoulders.
I love a classic opening, words that stay in your mind forever. My old mate Gerry used to be a jobbing builder before he retired, he married a girl from the local hardware shop, Gerry always wanted to be a writer and not a builder, his big problem in achieving his goal was that he could not talk for long without bringing up something to do with his work, it was as if work was a monkey on his back that he couldn’t shake off, it came into everything with him. When they were five years married his wife asked him to write a short love story for her, now Gerry hasn’t a romantic bone in his body, he wanted to be a writer of cowboy adventure stories (and he never having seen a cow in his life), anyway he gave in to her, now that’s fair enough but when he started asking my opinion on his efforts it became a bit embarrassing for me, you don’t want to discourage him and at the same time you don’t want him pestering you with his writings every time you drop in for a quite pint and a read of the paper, and why pick on me to say if it was good or bad? I wouldn’t have a clue, but if I like something I’ll say it, I did however say to him that if he tried to keep work out of his story his wife would love it all the more. After several weeks he still hadn’t the opening line he wanted. Then one Sunday morning he approached the table I was sitting at, his face was beaming with delight as he spoke “Jem I got a classic opening to me story if ever there was one” and he took the pages from his inside pocket “Just listen to this, “She knew I loved her from the start…it was plastered all over my face”
I finished me pint, nearly choking in the process and told him I had to dash off, me house was on fire.
No one would have believed in the last years of the nineteenth century that this world was being watched keenly and closely by intelligences greater than man’s and yet as mortal as his own; that as men busied themselves about their various concerns they were scrutinised and studied, perhaps almost as narrowly as a man with a microscope might scrutinise the transient creatures that swarm and multiply in a drop of water. With infinite complacency men went to and fro over this globe about their little affairs, serene in their assurance of their empire over matter. It is possible that the infusoria under the microscope do the same. No one gave a thought to the older worlds of space as sources of human danger, or thought of them only to dismiss the idea of life upon them as impossible or improbable. It is curious to recall some of the mental habits of those departed days. At most terrestrial men fancied there might be other men upon Mars, perhaps inferior to themselves and ready to welcome a missionary enterprise. Yet across the gulf of space, minds that are to our minds as ours are to those of the beasts that perish, intellects vast and cool and unsympathetic, regarded this earth with envious eyes, and slowly and surely drew their plans against us.
Jem. I should have explained that. inspired by your Dickensian quote, I have copied my favourite book opening lines. Can you guess which book?
I think I know what it is, only because I have heard them spoken on a record.
was it Noddy goes to town??
Carribo – I used to do the bossanova and would even try the tango but Vienna waltzes were not my style. I was known to climb up steeples and engage with other peoples but doing a mean fandango was never my best stride. I’ve even done limbo dancing and sat on horses as they were prancing but walking down the high street with a bagpipe wasn’t on. I have climbed up mountains naked but an orgasm known to fake it but now I’m in my bath chair and ready for the grave. But just before I cark it my bath chair I will park it and do a last fandango with the poodle of my choice!
Where is that Puggy fellow?
he doesn’t think we love him anymore!
SEMINAL… my word for today.
I was just looking through a few famous opening lines RJ, quite amusing, You are so widely read it would be impossible to guess your favourite so I give in straight away. Here are a couple that made me smile.
“The Sun shone, having no alternative, on nothing new” Samuel Beckett’s “Murphy” in 1938, sounds very depressing to me, never read it, seems like the ideal book for potential suicides.
How about this classic opening “I am an Invisible Man” Ralph Ellison, “Invisible Man” 1952, talk about stating the bleeding obvious.
I’ll guess based on your wicked sense of humour RJ, Iain M. Banks book of 1992 “The Crow Road” it opens “It was the day my grandfather exploded” 
I think our good friend Pug might be busy on the road this weather, he usually drops in when he gets the chance.
You need balance, no matter what, watching “Gogglebox”, events on there took place over several weeks, it took the wife to point out, all the observers had the same clothing on, one is lucky, to have someone so perceptive, to be watching out.
it is easy to miss stuff.
Who is Miss Stuff?
Oh, that reminds me of a brick I dropped. I was greeted by a lady buyer, female, many moons ago when I worked for GRACE BROTHERS. I hardly knew her & foolishly guessed her name,
“How lovely to see you, Miss Wind” I offered confidently “Nearly right Bob, it’s Bagg actually”
I should have followed my own advice, as explained below.
Tip.
When unsure of some ones name start with
“Good day, I’m sorry but I can’t recall your name”
They might reply with their Christian, oops FIRST name as DAVEY & you reply DAVEY, silly boy I know that your name is Davey(Got 1st name). I meant your 2nd name.
(p.o.p. ennit)
stuffed if he knows - he’ll be stuffed if he does and stuffed if he don’t.
I once had a relationship with a stuffed turkey - got the hand in but couldn’t get it out - we swung around for ages! talk about swingin scenes.:-p
This may interest you RJ - reading the Great Controversy between Christ and Satan by Ellen G White at the moment who among other things explains why the Sabbath was always originally on Saturday and not Sunday!
“I once had a relationship with a stuffed turkey” Quote Gumbud
I’m relieved to say I was never that hard up Gumbud.
We actually had a Miss Stuphing working in the office, that was how she spelled it but it was pronounced Stuffing, she used to get a friendly slagging when she had to come into the all male workshop, especially at Christmas time, but she was a good sport and took it all in her stride, she was well liked by all the lads. She married and her name changed, so you could say the Stuffing was knocked out of her, Oh God Jem that’s really scraping the barrel.
A post I read in another section brought something to mind, and this is true.
Every Friday night I would go to my Dads favourite pub for a few pints and a laugh, one regular in that pub was a devil for asking personal questions, I don’t like or trust folks who ask too many unnecessary personal questions, my Dad always tried to avoid this chap but he always managed to end up at the same table we would sit at spoiling the later part of the evening. I got an idea and when I had a bit of spare time in the workshop I made up a round silver badge (about the size of an old shilling) I engraved the Family crest on it and at the top the letters M.Y.O.F.B. The next time we went to the pub yerman comes over and keeps staring at the badge on my coat lapel, “Nice badge Jem, tell me what does the MYOFB stand for?” My moment of glory had arrived “Mind Your Own F…… Business” I beamed back at him, we were left in piece after that. I gave the badge to my Dad and he always wore it whenever we went out together.
This could happen to anyone.