RJ - we are getting bogged in a quagmire of words here - can you assist with your amazingly delf like dictionary and razor sharp wit??
There was a young lady from rhyl
Who would give all her boyfriends a thrill
But when it got heated…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………oh never mind, I’ll try later!
I thought the idea behind young ladies carrying a spare coin was that they should grip it between their knees whenever in the company of men who might otherwise lead them astray.
Maybe so,Fruity-stops anyone ending up in the sh1t…
…although,my mate’s made a fortune from selling manure.
…in fact -[you KNOW you’re all awaiting this…]- he’s ROLLING in it…
Good to see your OK Sweetie.
Ah Pug me oul flower, how are ya doin’. 
Rolling? I’m still rollin me own tobacco, been doing it for the past ten years now and I’m quite the expert at it, I can even do it sitting on a horse using just the one hand, I then stick it in me mouth and strike a match off the horse’s ass to light it, eat your heart out John Wayne. My beautiful neighbour has a donkey and an old horse, I borrow her horse but would prefer her donkey, but it’s a sin to covet thy neighbours ass. 
The taxes on tobacco are criminal and only the well off can afford conventional cigarettes, they have killed the goose that laid the golden egg because everyone buys the black market stuff or take plenty home with them from European holidays and the greedy government gets bugger all tax, like the story of the fisherman’s wife, they never learn.
Shops who sell tobacco are nothing more than unpaid tax collectors, the actual product costs pence and the rest is tax, it always reminds me of that old Jimmy Durante song “My Nose’s Anniversary”, there’s a line in it that goes something like this “When I was born I was famous, it was the first time in history that the nose outweighed the child”
Mark my words the booze will get the same treatment in the near future.
Phew! That’s my annual booze and tobacco grump over for the new year.
I love all the old westerns shown on Saturdays (moviesformen/Spike) I’m watching “War Drums” now and I swear to God the Apache witch doctor has an Irish accent, Galway I reckon, it’s so comical, I blame the casting, white fella’s all darkened up for the parts of Native Americans, this film is a good example of cast and be damned.
It may turn nasty when the penny drops
Thank you oh eucalyptic one, but first I would be remiss if I failed to point out the actual meaning of the word DELF
… The DELF and DALF are diplomas awarded by the French Ministry of Education to prove the French-language skills of non-French candidates. There are six independent diplomas.
The word you meant to use is DEFT and it is a very flattering one, there now you can add to that the words smart arse.
I thank ew
I wonder if Ole Puggy knows the origins of the expression rolling In it
Wrong, Delf is Dutch.
No better man than RJ for setting us all on the road to right, Hallelujah! to that.
Have ya got that right now Gummy? it simply means your a Daft Smart Arse, wish someone would pay me that compliment, I’m just plain daft.
.
Delft is the word you refer wrongly to El Spitto
WIKI
Delft
City in the Netherlands
Delft, a canal-ringed city in the western Netherlands, is known as the manufacturing base for Delftware, hand-painted blue-and-white pottery. In its old town, the medieval Oude Kerk is the burial site of native son and Dutch Master painter Johannes Vermeer. Once the seat of the royal House of Orange, the 15th-century Nieuwe Kerk houses the family’s tombs and overlooks Delft’s lively market square
My apologies to Gummy for my poor punctuation which gives the impression that smart arse refers to Gummy.
It does not & was totally a poorly judged self-deprecating remark on my part.
sorry
Damned with faint praise again…
I am right, I once had Bowl Trouble.
spittie is a smart arse too because he doubled dutch - and RJ has been polishing his rapiers of steel and has drawn blood - thank you RJ you have thrown the gauntlet down!!
charge!!! wheel chairs at the ready [motorized accepted]
I once had a girl with motor eyes - every time I looked into them they sent me spinning - she also had a hard clutch pedal [but the least touched upon that the better] however her reclining chairs were a sheer delight and her full beam catastrophic. Mind you everytime she grabbed my handbrake it made me giggle.
RJ - did you realize we are now; today; this very instance misusing English words constantly - take my choice of the word " sheer" I was challenged to use “shere” but knowing you where lurking around every corner did a spell check - to my amazement I found a Shere village in Surrey and then any number of webpages; businesses all using the monogram " a shere delight" for selling all assortment of goods including chocolate assortments!!
Oh dear how DOES nurse Vivian cope with it all??
don’t you mean ‘bowel’ - sorry just trying to assist RJ who is at present “NOT CONVENIENT” or “INCOVENIENT” well not actually IN THE CONVENIENT ; maybe around THE CONVENIENT oh damn these keys they are so NOT CONVENIENT!!
pheww - glad I’ve got that off of me chest - well I wasn’t actually typing with the keyboard on me…oh never mind - pass me the cough mixture I feel an erhmm coming on
Goodness I am away for 5 minutes.
I really liked S ololo’s explanation about the hhalf penny. Now I need to know how the tictickled pink came about.
oh dear SW if you’ve never had ya pink tickle ya don’t know what ya missin?? sometimes the screams ascend to amazing crecendos!!
oh dear here comes RJ with his large DIC -tionary!!
I was only trying to be helpful to my lovely chums in here, but I understand the consensual alarm at my growing pedanticism.
Nuff said. I will shut it & throw in my proofing towel.